The Fatty Cake Girls Club

Thirty-Five?! Already??

2012-01-19T11:38:00.000-05:00

I'm going to be thirty-five! Thirty-five!!! Oh crap! It's that big scary number, at least for us woman. That number means your official old! Sorry. It does. Suddenly you have to start getting a million tests run if you get pregnant, and God forbid, because at thirty-five your risk factors for a million different birth defects goes through the roof! And at thirty-five your body suddenly decides it doesn't want to lose weight anymore. At thirty-five your body freaks out and starts hoarding every molecule of fat that passes between your lips. At thirty-five we are suddenly aware at just how fast time is flying by. At thirty-five we become acutely aware of our age. At thirty-five your skin falls off and your eyeballs melt from their sockets!!

Ok, maybe not.

Where did the time go? I was twenty-five the other day. I swear it. And get this, trying to lose weight! I have been trying to lose weight (successfully and un-successfully, healthy and other wise) since I was about twelve. Twenty-three years of battling the ever growing bulge! Nothing to help you feel like a loser more, eh?

You know what I mean don't ya? You get all gung-ho, determined that "this is it!" and you are off, and maybe you do really good for a few weeks, maybe even months...but then...BAM! For one reason or another you fall off the wagon, maybe you gain it back, maybe you don't, maybe you gain back twice what you lost... In the end it just leaves you feeling like a loser. But not the "biggest" one. Just a plain 'ol loser. Failed. Again. (And again, and again...)

Why is this healthy lifestyle so illusive to so many of us? We all have a million excuses, rationales. And some are good, allowable, if you will. Depression kicks my butt. I have good reason for my depression. I have good reason to want comfort, wherever I can find it. Maybe you have good reason too. But in the end, it just piles on to the already loser like feelings. And the cycle continues.

I wish I was here to say "Its time. This is IT! I'm done, I'm ready, let's get started!" I wish I could offer you guys a modicum of wisdom. I mean, sure, I have the know how. I've lost the weight, I know how to put it right back on too. Weight loss is a math calculation. Burn more calories than you consume. Period. Don't eat less than 1200 calories. Eat mostly whole foods, organic if you can, mostly veggies and fruit. Get off your butt. Lift some weights. I mean, its not rocket science people!

So what's the problem?

Well, most people who struggle with weight loss for long periods of time can tell you it isn't always just about the calories. There's something to the mental game. That's where I choke up. Frankly, I'm lazy. I'm tired, so I sit down. I'm hungry, so I eat whatever is the easiest, fastest (most of the time that's processed crap). I don't really buy junk food though. But I can turn anything into junk food about as fast as a wink! Or I'll just get in the car. Now, if I didn't have a car... I'd have to grow my own food! LOL! Which I do, btw. Some. I have lots of berry bushes and veggie patches. But oddly enough, I save them for my four year old. Because somewhere deep down inside, I KNOW. I know that she needs the good stuff. I'd never allow her to subsist on high fat, high sugar foods the way I allow myself to. I'll have a Slim-fast while I am making her a boiled egg with organic fruit and veggies, whole grain toast and PB. But they learn by example don't they? And believe me, she's noticed the Slim-Fast.

They key to my success is getting over my propensity for laziness. Just do it! Right? Well, we'll see. Today I say YES! Because I do not want to see 35 roll around while I am still an out of shape, unhealthy blob! I've dedicated this round of weight loss to see 27lbs gone by my thirty-fifth birthday in April. That's 2.1lbs a week. A tough, but doable goal. And though I may not be blogging much anymore (because really, how inspirational is a blog full of failures, and whining?) know that no matter what comes my way (another dead baby #2 due date this week, and the anniversary of my first still born next week) I never give up. I give in for a while, but I refuse to accept that I am supposed to be fat my entire life, even if I am sad. And really, in the end, that's the thing that counts, not giving up.

Here's to not giving up...again, and again, and again!

Are we Wie-ners? Yes we are!!

2011-11-29T20:32:00.000-05:00

So how cool is this?? Lynnette and I were chosen for a blog award! Its our first one, and yeah...I'm a bit geeked! I'm a dork, I know, but how fun that someone else out there actually thinks what we have to say is entertaining...even if its with a sort of head shaking disbelief! So here is our nifty little award!

Awarded by the athletic shoes fanatics at TwoShoeGuys.com.

Oh yeah! Oh yeah! You love it! ;)

So, having bragged, I guess I should offer a little update on myself...

Though we are surly ~~wieners~~ winners in someones ~~twisted~~ brilliant mind, I myself? Well...

I AM A LOSER!

Yup, that's right. I am losing pounds! That's right people, plural! P.O.U.N.D.S! I am down about 2lbs a week. I'm walking most every day, and keeping my cals around 1300...which is giving me a deficit of a thousand cals a day (thank you Bodybugg!). I am loving that I have lost a pant size since October, and my belt? Well, lets just say its wrapping a bit further around these days! I'm thrilled!

BUT,

And its a biggin'...

Christmas is coming! ARGH! The holidays, my nemesis! And worse yet, the winter, and worse still...January (you'll have to go back and figure out why January is so awful for me, lets just say I'm horribly sad in January and I am an emotional eater!). But I'm keeping my chin up, and I am preparing for the worse and thumbing my nose at all of those ~~ooey-gooey-delicious-mouth-watering~~ [dangerous] cookies!

Good luck to you this holiday season! If you have any tips on keeping yourself under control I'd love to hear it in a comment, or visit us on Facebook!

Who knew beans could taste so insane??

2011-10-28T13:33:00.006-04:00

I know I haven't posted in forever. I haven't given up on getting healthy, I've just been focusing more on doing it than talking about it. Sometimes this blog just makes me feel like a loser, and its best avoided.

Anyhow, I'm hosting a little Halloween shin dig tomorrow with a few little tikes, so I was trying to find some uber healthy appetizer ideas since we are roasting hotdogs over a fire for the main course. I needed to balance out the dogs, ya know? Anyhow, I made this Garlicy White Bean Dip to go with some raw veggies and home made wheat pita chips I made. Can I just say O.M.G.!! Seriously. I mean, I eat veggies. Or at least, I try. Its sort of an effort. I prefer carbs and fat. But this dip...it has me yearning for them...just so I can have the dip too! The dip is 83 cals per 2tbs. Today, the dip, was the main focus of our lunch. Its beans!! I mean, vitamins, protien...and garlic, lots of garlic (though you can add or reduce at will). And the lemon cuts through it all and with the fresh oregano everything taste so fresh and scrumdidelyumpshish! Though, honestly, at this moment I could breathe fire and chase off the entire Cullen family!

Seriously.

I just hope there's enough left for our party tomorrow.

I have serious issues!

2011-08-08T09:22:00.002-04:00

Yeah, I think I'm just about the ONLY person in this world who decides its time to loose weight, and then actually puts weight on.

Like I'm gonna starve so I'm storing up...

I have serious issues.

Here's to trying again, and finding the courage to dump the soda down the drain and not make Mac-n-Cheese.

My first dip back into exercise

2011-08-03T10:38:00.003-04:00

I went for a walk. It was a half hour walk, I burned 160 cals. That's about 5 cals a minute. The humidity is dreadful! I can't breathe and it really made me tired! But I walked the big block around my area and feel good about it. Now the key is to not lay down and take a nap! :D

Well now THAT's funny!

2011-08-03T10:27:00.000-04:00

I saw this on my morning walk today! Feels like I'm in a movie!
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A good start

2011-08-03T09:18:00.004-04:00

It's been a good few days. I'm aiming to have a 500+ calorie deficit each day (meaning I burn 500 calories more than I eat, and I know this thanks to my BodyBugg). So far so good. Monday I had a 655 cal deficit and yesterday I had a 915 cal deficit. I even tried to go for a walk last night and I got half way down the driveway and realized that it was raining. Not wanting to ruin my shoes, my iPod or my Bodybugg; I went back inside. But I was proud of myself for making the effort to even put my shoes on and grab my iPod and walk out the door. I'm going for a walk this morning. I'm walking my daughter over to her grandmother's house. No, it's not far. I might get in a twenty minute walk, which is leagues away from my hour and a half walks of last fall...but I'm so out of shape I have to start small.

So as far as food goes I'm just trying to be normal and moderate. Moderation is a big issue with me. I can't have just one of anything. I've also been cooking at home, so I'm sure that's a HUGE help. Yesterday I made a mix version of Fettuccine Alfredo from McCormick. I wasn't a fan. Last week I made the Knorr version (using half cream and half milk) and it was way better. We LOVE Alfredo around here and knowing that we're upwards of a thousand calories when we eat it out, I'm trying to learn how to make it here at home so that we can save about half of those calories. The week before I made it from scratch; cream, milk, Parmesan cheese and butter...it was SO not good! So I am on a mission to try a new recipe or mix each week until we find one that we LOVE as much as eating out. I'd really love to find out how to make Carrabba's version of it. But for know the Knorr mix will be a staple in the cabinet because it was super fast and pretty good. Tonight we are having Venison steak on the grill with sweet potatoes and corn on the cob. Sigh. My mouth is watering just thinking about it. But that's the key right? If you're gonna shove calories in, they had better be worth it! Then tomorrow I am making Southwestern Steak Salads with the left over meat (avocado, black beans, grilled corn, pico...). If I can keep myself eating food that I look forward to here at home, then maybe the eating out crutch won't be so missed.

I'm also drinking a lot of Slim-Fast. No, I don't promote it, I don't think it's healthy or good for you. Its loaded with sugar and who knows what else. But, its a crutch. I am using it to deal with a massive caffeine addiction (I used chocolate and add instant coffee for an iced mocha flavor). I am also using it to shrink my appetite which is out of control. But for the same amount of calories you could have an egg sandwich on a wholegrain English Muffin with a slice of 2% cheese singles and a few strawberries. Way more healthy, way more food and for the same calorie price. Its by far a better choice...it just doesn't have caffeine. Maybe I should learn to drink black coffee. I love tea, but it takes me several glasses of tea to ward off that nasty headache. Sigh. So little by little I am cutting back on the caffeine because I'm too big of a wimp to endure the three day caffeine with drawls.

This morning I was down to 170.3lbs. SCORE! I love the first fast few pounds that come off thanks to water. I'm so close to being back in the 160's, and that, for some reason, is very motivating to me!

Ok gotta walk the little monster over to her grandma's and get busy trying to "settle in" to this new home that is still a frustrating disaster! Here's to another day of trudging along.

So much for THAT!!

2011-08-01T10:40:00.004-04:00

I swore that if I lost weight I would NEVER, EVER gain back even five pounds of it.

So much for that.

I've gained back 18lbs. That's 9 weeks of hard work. Nine weeks of missing out on time with my family, counting every minuscule calorie and using muscles in my body I didn't know existed. Nine weeks, wasted...again.

I have to be the worlds biggest yo-yo dieter. And really, we all have our excuses, our rationale, reasons why we forgive our splurges and laziness. I'm really good at talking myself into being absurd when it comes to food. My two biggest nemesis are Soda and restaurants. And yes, you can eat healthy and maintain a loss while eating in restaurants, if you try. I don't. I always tell myself it's the last time, but in reality I know full well I'll be right back in that restaurant the next day. Pile on top that I am a stress eater and recently an emotional eater, and most of the time I just feel doomed.

But you can't call me a quitter!

Because I keep coming back for more. I keep starting over. I keep re-losing. And I never really give up hope that someday I will lick this terrible lifestyle and get myself in full gear and finally lose ALL of this weight once and for all.

So here's a quick little back story on where I've been lately...
:::
We finally sold our house. YAY! In the midst of the chaos of showing, packing and all of the other crap that comes along with moving we ate out everyday, sometimes two and three meals. We ate out so much the thought of another restaurant made me sick to my stomach. In the midst of that I got pregnant (a happy surprise), and then found out the baby was Ectopic and had to be removed and well frankly loosing another baby did me in for a while. Since we all know how well I handle grief when there's food with in a mile of me. All of this going on as we moved to our new home. And our new home, though its great and I know that someday I will be thrilled to live here, right now I'm just over stressed, overwhelmed, over tired and over done! So far the best thing has been that moving here also meant that eating out was out of the question both financially and because there really isn't a whole lot around to eat at. And somewhere in between losing this last baby and moving I picked up a raging caffeine addiction and am on my way to becoming a bonifide drunk. Ok, maybe not a drunk, but I have really been enjoying my margarita's this summer. And the heat is a killer! I live in a great area for walking and bike riding (though I can't even SEE my bike its so buried) and even if I could get out from under the whole unpacking-getting-settled-in thing its just too bloody HOT!

Anyhow all that to say that though I am under the gun these days, I loath what I see in the mirror and am so utterly disappointed with what I've done to myself, I am at it once again. In part because watching Food, Inc and The Future of Food on Netflix has freaked me out about eating! Anyone seen these documentaries? Gross! If I could figure out a way to have a farm in the suburbs (on an Island no less) I would really consider it! And I am so put out by what they've done with Canola that I'm about to switch to LARD!! Ok, not really, but I've decided to only ever buy Canola oil from Whole Foods (their 360 brand) since it is made with NON genetically modified canola, and apparently since the US government doesn't require GMO foods to be labeled (WTH?!) its pretty hard to find...or even know it once you've found it! And not that I'm all up in arms about GMO food as much as I am about the lawsuits they're slapping on small time farmers...ok, you'll just have to go watch the movies yourself. Its despicable!!

So I'm off. I don't know that I'll be all crazed about blogging my every step. I mean frankly, I don't even have the time to be on the PC these days. But I'm going to start focusing more effort back into loosing this weight again. I was pleased as punch last Thanksgiving about the progress I made and how good I felt and looked. And now I am right back where I was last July. I am just so very disappointed in myself.

Eat, Drink & be Merry!

2011-03-16T10:00:00.000-04:00

Lynnette bought me this great magnet! Its so fitting since the two of us are so funny about starting over "tomorrow", and the rationale behind enjoying our food! Lol!
<br>
I actually managed to follow through with making healthy food for lunch and dinner while Lynnette was here for our little girls day of scrapbooking. I decided on the Roast Need
Salad with Blue Cheese in Pitas for lunch. It was the first time Lynnette has ever had Blue Cheese, and she liked it a lot. For dinner we had that Hearty Pineapple Pizza, which was divine! I made a salad and a bread stick (from extra pizza dough) to go with it. We also had iced mint tea and these mini chocolate cakes. I also burned over 2300 cals for the day! Who knew scrapbooking was such a strenuous activity?!
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Cooking for the Blues

2011-03-11T10:32:00.005-05:00

So, I have been feeling very down lately. Again. Since I'm an emotional eater [sigh] I am trying to use it to my advantage. I hate cooking, but I love food. So I figured I would go out of my way to cook something divine for breakfast, since if I have to cook it should be something worth really eating, right? Cereal and oatmeal just aren't cutting it. This way I get the best of both worlds. I get to eat something for "comfort" and yet because I cooked it its better for me, not to mention far lower in calories than eating out, and I get to count the calories I burned while standing there cooking it, and then ultimately cleaning it up too. Yay.

So this morning, for breakfast, I made Corncakes with Maple Yogurt Topping.

They were delicious! And no, that's not butter on top, it's pineapple! Sheesh! I haven't gone that far overboard! And this is about 3 servings. I had to make the picture look good, you understand. ;) I didn't eat 3 servings. I ate 1 1/2 servings. ;)

Anyhow, the hubster is splitting town for a few days starting on Sunday. Is it me? Do I smell? I mean I haven't been exercising, but then again I haven't really been showering either. Huh. I'll have to look into that. Uh, anyhow, I look forward to cooking a bunch of food that he's not into. In fact, Lynnette is coming over on Monday, so I'm going to try to plan some easy food for us to eat at home. We need to maximize Scrapbooking time, you see. I'm thinking of having Lynnette's Pineapple Pizza or Chicken-Almond Hoisin Wraps for lunch. Maybe I'll make the Roast Beef Salad with Blue Cheese in Pitas because that is one of my all time favorite lunches. I love the Chicken with Lime Creole Sauce in Tortillas recipe a lot too, but it might be a tad involved for the day. And then there is always this -->

OMG!! I love these Chicken and Summer Veggie Tostadas from Cooking Light (I posted the recipe on our recipe blog too), although I make them into quesadillas instead of tostadas. They're easier to eat that way. But Lynnette posted a Spinach & Turkey Lasagna that is made with a white sauce and is more Alfredo-ish than anything. I thought it was to die for! And if I made it in advance, we wouldn't have to stop to cook. And then I could give some to my MIL who seemed really interested in making it herself. Not to mention there would be left overs for the Muffin and I on Tuesday when the Hubster would still be in New Orleans (no doubt eating some of the worlds finest food! But no, I'm not jealous AT ALL!! Grr!). Well anyhow, all this talk about food might be making me want to eat, and I'm still pretty full from the Corncakes this morning.

What are some of your favorite healthy recipes? If you'd like to submit one (or more) to the Fatty Cake Girls Club Recipe collection (credit going to you with a link to your blog too, of course) click here and send us an email containing the recipe, why you love it, and where it came from originally along with your name and a link to your fitness, diet or recipe blog and we'll give it a try. If it pleases our taste buds (we're not real picky around here) and is on the lighter side we'll be sure to share it with the rest of our bloggers, and also on our Facebook Page. Recipes can be anything from meals, to desserts, to drinks and cocktails (we love those!) or even tips and tricks (like using an oil sprayer with melted butter to spray on your popcorn).

If you haven't checked out the recipe section of our blog, what are you waiting for?? Tried and true Fatty Cake Recipes are waiting for you!! ;)

The "official" weigh-in and Monday.

2011-03-07T10:52:00.002-05:00

Well, my official weigh-in was 157.2lbs. I'm down 0.8lbs. Losing weight around here is a slow go because I keep sabotaging myself. And watching how it affects my calorie deficits (one or two bad days a week) its clear to see why for years I didn't lose anything. All those times I dieted and binged and never really lost and used to get so mad because at least I was doing good part of the time...I'm grateful that I did good some of the time or I would have been a much heavier person. And as we've all figured out, its not usually a one day occurrence. My binges seem to last a couple of days at the least. But thankfully I went to the gym several times last week and that allowed me to still lose what I did.

At least I'm still losing weight. And that's the bottom line.

I've been really frustrated and angry about the house selling situation lately, and it causes me to throw up my hands and not care about my diet. My dream house, the one that was actually obtainable, sold before we could sell ours. Again. And I'm having a hard time keeping my self reeled in with the disappointment. I know that things like that are more exaggerated than they should be, but I have such little tolerance for disappointment anymore. And frankly I am so DONE with living in this house and I just want to get out and move on with our lives.

Its March. Thank GOD!! There is still snow on the ground, and I know there have been many years where it snowed here in mid to late April, but I feel desperate for summer to arrive. I miss my walks. I miss the quiet and serenity. I miss my audio books. I'm just so not a gym girl. I love boxing, but that's about it. I'd so much rather be walking, especially since I enjoy it, and I swear I burn the same calories.

Anyhow, I'm just feeling blah today. For the past several days, I guess. I really want a soda (and a little vodka). I've been staying up way too late, but this morning I slept in (thanks to Sesame Street!!). I'm not feeling refreshed though. I'm feeling sore and groggy and like doo-doo. I need to do laundry (every blasted week!!) and I need to go to the grocery store. Lent starts on Wednesday, and I'm hoping it very much alters the way we eat around here for the next 6 weeks....

I had a lot more of a post written, but to add to my mood Blogger decided to puke and I lost it all. And frankly now I'm in too bad of a mood to rewrite it. Its probably better that way.

Thanks a lot Blogger!

Its a week of new things!

2011-03-04T09:25:00.003-05:00

So, I did great yesterday! I kept my calories low, my burn high! I ended with an 1,160 cal deficit! I went to 2 exercise classes, boxing and my very first spin class! Today I am wiped out and am just too darn tired to stand here and type.

Today I'm taking the day off from exercise. I don't want to push it. I've done 4 classes in the last two days and I think I need to take off today. I may feel differently by 6pm and choose to go to class, but I'm doubting it. But, I'm also taking off Saturday due to scheduling conflicts. SO maybe I ought to go tonight.

Eating will be a cinch today. My husbands grandmother made her Chicken Soup, which we love, and we have a vat of! So, we'll be eating that for dinner (I might make some herbed rolls to go with it, maybe a salad) and I might even have it for lunch today! I had oatmeal this morning, so I'm off to a good start.

But I am sooooo tired today. I didn't sleep well last night, and between that and the soreness and the exhaustion from the last couple of days of butt kicking. I have to clean up my house in case we get a showing tomorrow while we're out looking at houses on our own. But right now all I can think about is a nap, or at least sitting down on the couch!

A Review: Spark Energy Drink by AdvoCare

2011-03-04T09:23:00.002-05:00

Spark Energy Drink by AdvoCare

AdvoCare boasts that Spark Energy Drink "Is a sugar-free source of long-lasting energy and heightened mental focus and performance.*" Here is the overview from their website:

OVERVIEW
•Our #1 seller
•The most nutritionally advanced energy drink on the market
•Sugar-free, long-lasting energy*
•Surprisingly fast-acting*
•Contains 21 vitamins, minerals and nutrients designed to synergistically provide a healthy, balanced source of energy*
•Just 45 calories per serving
•Sharpens mental focus*

*And as usual those statements are not evaluated by the FDA. Yahda ,Yahda. For a more complete overview of this product you can visit the description page on AdvoCare here.

Spark comes in several flavors. Cherry, Citrus, Fruit Punch, Grape, Mandarin Orange and Pink Lemonade. 14 Pouches (1 serving each) will run you $22.95, or you can purchase a canister with 42 servings for $51.95 ($1.24 per serving). AdvoCare recommends 1 to 3 servings per day, between meals.

Today I tried the Mandarin Orange flavor mixed in 8oz of iced water at 11:20am. My first impression of the taste? Whoa! Too sweet. Ugh. So I added a couple more ounces of water. Ok, I can drink this. It has a very Tang like flavor. Remember Tang? I'm not a huge Tang fan, but the flavor wasn't too off putting and I drank it down pretty fast. I didn't guzzle it, doing that with anything makes me sick. But I drank it in under ten minutes. I think if you were/are a Kool-Aid fan you'd dig this flavor. I'm thinking this might be fun in some sparkling water. Note to self, try that with the Fruit Punch flavor next time. You really have to give it a few good stirs or its a bit gritty. I let it sit for a few with the ice to get it nice and cold and to give the powder time to really dissolve. That seemed to do the trick. It has a little bit of a funky after taste. Maybe the artificial sweetener (Sucralose)? I loath diet pop and all things with Splenda/Saccharine or any other form of artificial sweetener, so I think this might be a personal hang up and not something everybody experiences. Spark boasts 125mg of Caffeine (about the same as a cup of coffee according to Mayo Clinic, but Red Bull has 76mg and Extra Strength Excedrin has 130mg for 2 tabs) along with 200mg of Taurine, 750% DV of Vitamins B-6 and B-12, 300% DV Vitamin C along with high percentages of a few other vitamins and minerals. I researched all of the major ingredients and didn't find anything dangerous (although the Mayo Clinic sure doesn't have a high opinion of Caffeine!) to the average healthy person. Healthy is the key word here peeps! This product should not be used by pregnant or nursing woman and should not be used by children or persons sensitive to caffeine or taurine.

Below you will find a run down of how my day played out with the use of Spark.

Timeline
7:45am - Woke up sore and tired (as usual).
8:30am - Ate 1 1/2 servings of Chocolate Frosted Mini Wheats w/ 6oz Skim Milk
11:20am - Drank Spark with 10oz iced water
11:30am - Started to feel something. Maybe my blood pumping? Maybe I feel a tad bit more alert. Is it my imagination?
12:00pm - No jitters. Feeling a bit more awake, but otherwise normal. At Broccoli Cheddar Soup and a Whole Grain Baguette.
1:00pm - Feeling like I've had a lot of coffee. No shakes or "jitters", but feeling excitable and like my heart is beating a little faster than normal. I'm certainly awake and alert now.
2:45pm - Feeling a bit better, not quite so coffee feeling. Still no shakes. Starting to feel a little tired again, but overall still alert.
5:00pm - Don't feel anything, like caffeine coursing through my veins. But don't feel quite so tired. Ate Dinner, Tamale and Chimmichurri rice. Didn't feel the need to snack. That's something.
5:30pm - Boxing Class
6:30pm - Ate an AdvoCare Double Chocolate Snack Bar (OMG! It tasted like a candy bar!)
6:40pm - Spin Class (too tired to notice anything)
8:30pm - Shower, noticed that I'm not feeling the effects but that I don't feel mentally tired, just physically (from 2 hours of exercise).
10:15pm - Bedtime. I couldn't fall asleep. I laid there for what felt like hours, tossing and turning. I had a horrible nights sleep. I woke up countless times and slept very restlessly.
8:15am - Awoke feeling pretty much the same as usual, sore and tired.

The problem is that I don't know if my sleep problems were because of the Spark, or because of the exercise. I usually sleep hard after an intense work out, but I was so sore and wiped out after spin class. In pain really. I do intend on drinking the other Spark mix later this week. At that point I'll come back here and write a follow up. That way I'll be able to know if it was the Spark or if it was just me.

What did I think overall?
Well, it works. I think I had the same effect that I would've if I'd have had the Mocha, minus the calories, sugar and general lack of nutrition (which is a bonus). This is a nice coffee substitute if you yearn for some get up and go with out the coffee flavor (which I happen to really sink down into). I'm like a Folgers commercial with my Mochas. The extra vitamins are always a nice plus. Sadly I can't say if my mental focus was heightened because I don't really do much that involves a whole lot of brain power. I mean after all I'm only a SAHM [rolls eyes]. Seriously though, I'd love to see how this would work on a college student studying or taking exams.

The bottom line?
If you're looking for a different way to get your pep back and are over coffee and sugary sodas, this might be the product for you. Its fast, easy and handy (since the pouches can go right into your purse or bag) which is a plus. The flavor isn't bad and you could add it to any beverage. Think; cherry flavored Spark in a chocolate flavored protein shake...chocolate covered cherry?? Who knows? Maybe. And if you feel you might miss the fizz, you could always mix it with sparkling water. I certainly think its worth a try.

Interested in giving Spark Energy Drink a try for yourself? Visit Emily's AdvoCare Profile Page to order, or shoot her a message here. Tell her the Fatty Cake Girls sent ya!

A Full Circle, New things and Pushing Forward!

2011-03-03T08:41:00.005-05:00

Ow!! Boy am I sore, stiff and tired this morning. I went to both Yoga and Zumba last night. I'm proud. Yoga comes with this lazy, sorta relaxed activity. And it can be. But last night I burned 141 calories in the hour that I did it. My shoulders and arms ached. I actually managed to make it up into a full circle! That's this!

Picture credit goes to Mid-Day, from whom I stole it!

At which point I got stuck and had to sort of fall to the side to get out of the pose, but I was shocked and thrilled to death that I could do this move!! But because it was the gym's first Yoga class, the instructor took a lot of care (and time) explaining each move, which is good, but also means you stay in the same pose for several minutes. And I felt like I was in downward dog the ENTIRE class! So by the end my feet were wet with sweat (ew!) and my wrist and shoulders ached. But it was fun and I burned 2.6 cals a minute, which is pretty great!

And then Zumba. Zumba is always a trip! If you haven't tried Zumba I highly recommend it. Its silly, and fun and confusing and sexy and a great work out! I burned 385 cals in the fifty minutes I did Zumba. I'm getting better. I got a little more of the foot work down this time. My instructor is a hoot! She sings, and makes exaggerated moves and bounces...and is just all around fun. We did a lot of jumping this class (I'm not real fond of jumping) and I was wearing new shoes and ended up with a blister. Lucky for you the picture I took of my blister to post here some how disappeared (call it divine intervention) and is no longer available. So you luck out! But I have a blister on the bottom of my big toe! Any suggestions on what to do about that? I have boxing tonight (and maybe even spin) and don't want to be distracted by my big toe when I need to concentrate on kicking my instructors booty!

So like I said. Ow! And yawn! Wowsers I feel wiped out today! Its probably a good thing that the Muffin is going to Grandma's for the day. Something tells me I'm going to have a short fuse. And there is no room in my diet today for a Mocha. I could use a little kick, so my dear friend Emily has supplied me with a couple samples of a product called Spark from AdvoCare. Ever heard of it? It has caffeine in it (bonus) and some other things that give you an energy kick (for 45 cals), and boy do I need one today! I'm pretty sensitive to energy drinks, so we'll see if my heart feels like it'll explode a little later. I'm giving the Mandarin Orange flavor a try today. Its a powder that you mix into water (I'm assuming). I'm also going to give their protein bar a try tonight in between my boxing and spin class, if I work up the courage and energy to go to both classes that is. Anyhow, if you're interested in AdvoCare (A Christian based company, FYI) or their products, trot yourself on over to Emily's profile page and have a peak-a-roo!

But what was I saying...Oh, so I have the day off of being Momma! My house needs a little tidying, but nothing that'll take too long. Laundry is pretty much done. I have to still put it away though. So it looks like today is one of those days that could go either way. I could spend the day on the couch and snacking (like I used to do) or I can keep busy and find projects to work on. I'm gunning for option number two. In fact, I've been trying to organize my acrylic stamp collection in my scrapbook room into binders so that I can actually see what I have without digging through 70 sets in a messy drawer! So maybe I'll work on that. I really would rather go outside and dig around in my garden, but there is still snow on the blasted ground!! ARGH!!! So, inside I will stay. I'm also having lunch at Panera with my girl friend. That's always great fun, and I love Panera. I'm getting a bowl of their Broccoli Cheddar Soup and a Whole Grain Baguette. Dinner will be a Tamale from Trader Joe's with their Chimichurri Rice. That brings me in just over 1400 cals for the day, and I'm hoping I can actually do the two classes tonight so that I can have a major calorie deficit for the day! That would be awesome!

So far I've had a 1,643 calorie deficit for the week. If I can kick out a 1,000 cal deficit each day until Monday I'll have burned enough to scorch off a pound and a half of pure fat! That would be great. I really need to start seeing a number lower than 155, for my mental well being. I think If I can start seeing some lower numbers, even see a 14o something would kick my butt into gear and get my brain on track again. I can't keep jumping on and falling off in the same week. Its not conducive to losing weight!

So here's to another great day, and here's to trying new things and pushing yourself to the limit!

No small slip ups!

2011-03-02T08:27:00.003-05:00

Wow! Let's just say that in this house, there are no small slip ups!

Ok, so I knew that yesterday was going to be a day of low burn. I sat, all day (and I mean ALL DAY) at the indoor play yard letting my daughter play. Yes, I could've jumped in and played with her, crawling through the structure, climbing, building...but you see my daughter has social issues. Ok, so they're probably not issues, yet, but I don't want them to turn into anything (since I think social anxiety runs in her family on her daddy's side). She doesn't have an issue in the world with adults, but you throw her in the mix with a few kids and she becomes clingy and shy and almost frightened. I'm a social butterfly, it's hard for me to understand shyness but I try to respect it. I try not to force things on her. BUT, when we get into situations that require child interaction (like parks and playgroups and story times) I insist she go play with the kids. "Momma's sitting right here, and I'm gonna watch you, and you can come over to talk to me whenever you want, but you must go play with the children." If I do this, and I stay back, she does real well interacting with kids. If I jump in a play with her, I'm like a life preserver and she doesn't even attempt treading water. She shuts the kids out and I become her playmate. And I can't have that. I know it seems like just another rationale or excuse, but I'm pretty set on this issue and it is what it is. So, I sat all day from 10:30am to 6pm. Like I said, ALL DAY!

No, I could've tried to offset the sitting by going to my class as I had planned. It was a late class and I had more than enough time to get there. But, I didn't go. I should've. Or at least the guilt makes me feel like I should have, but after boxing and waking up yesterday with my back tweaking a little (again) the Hubster talked me into taking it easy and not going to a class that is known to be full of lifting and squatting (my 2 biggest nemesis) and easing into exercising. Cause I'm sorta like that, all or nothing. I quit and become lazy beyond compare and then I dive in head first and am all gung-ho till I hurt myself. I saw his reasoning, it made sense, and since he always seems so smart to me, I took his advice. I stayed home.

But really, that's not what hurt me. Lunch, at 730 cals for next to no food was not good. Next time I'll have to pack a Slim-Fast or something. You're not supposed to bring in food or drinks, but I can't eat the kid food there and still maintain a low cal day. But even lunch didn't kill me. And surprisingly I did good all day. I didn't snack on the plethera of kid snacks. I had a No-Sugar added Mocha for less than 150 cals. But the problem came when it was after 7pm before I even got to think about eating, and having had so little food at lunch and no snack...I was in a bad way. And the only thing I could focus on was KFC food. KFC in and of itself isn't awful. But having 2 biscuits and 4 packs of the honey sauce (which is more HFCS than honey) and then a stupid parfait bucket on top (at 290 cals!!) it wasn't good. My only saving grace was that I don't eat the skin and batter. While my dh managed to only ingest 650 cals (skipping the biscuit, but eating the skin (which is 400 cals compared to the 150 for no skin) and having 2 potatoes instead of coleslaw) I managed to double that number. Dinner was over 1200 cals alone, putting me at a 700 calorie surplus for the day. SURPLUS! Meaning I ate that many more cals than I burned. Shameful. And not even worth it. And a great example of what happens when you get overly hungry.

Thankfully I'm still in a deficit for the week thanks to the awesome day I had on Monday. I'm dissapointed though that I've brought my average deficit WAY down for the week thanks to yesterday. But alas, today is a new day and I am moving forward.

Tonight my friend is going to the gym with me. The Hubster, being the most awesome husband ever, has agreed to watch her 2 kids on Wednesdays so that we can go to class together. So tonight we are going to Yoga first and then Zumba. In the past I have enjoyed Yoga, so I'm hoping this Yoga class will be fun, and not kill me so bad that I can't make it through Zumba. I like Zumba, a lot. Its confusing, but its a lot of fun and I don't feel like I'm going to die when I'm doing it, which is why I agreed to do two classes back to back. Tomorrow is Boxing and Spin, and I am very tempted to do both of those classes too, but we'll have to see. I have all of my calories planned out for the day, and we're going off to visit some friends this morning, so that'll keep me out of the pantry (as long as our hostess doesn't think she's Little Debbie!).

I'm excited for the day. That's a nice feeling. I'm not letting yesterday get me down. I tracked all of my calories, all 2504 of them, and that's a big step (tracking calories on an off day). I can feel Spring coming, in spite of the nasty snow on the ground. I am trying to stay focused and positive. Letting one bad day turn into a bad week is what keeps me down, and I am tired of being down.

A Moment of Truth

2011-03-01T12:31:00.003-05:00

The kind lady who runs this indoor play yard was nice enough to get me the nutrition info off of the box of Chicken Tenders. 220 cals each. So once I eat 3 and then the sauce I'll be at 730 cals for ONE MEAL! And though they are quite tasty, they're not THAT tasty. I mean, to me, that's Blizzard worthy calories.

So immediately my brain goes into the "Dang! I already blew the day (cause obviously 730 cals does that?!) I might as well get a Mocha. The chips look good. Oooh, look! They have Tropicana Twister Soda (its close to Sunkist)!" But I reeled it back in. I tucked tail and tromped back over to my table with the my tenders (all 730 calories worth) and left behind everything else. I still have my work out class tonight to help me combat some of my calories, and if I don't bring in a 1,000 calorie deficit for the day, so be it. But I don't have to let it all go to the dogs. I can try to eat a smaller calorie dinner and work even harder at my class tonight. Either way I'll still have a deficit, and it'll be worth it.

Boxing, Burning and Babbling!

2011-03-01T10:56:00.004-05:00

I finally made it to the gym last night for the first time in weeks! I went to my boxing class and it was truly the first time I have ever exercised where I thought I was gonna puke! That was interesting! It was a long and grueling class and I really felt like I worked as hard as I could. This morning I was down to 155.8lbs, so yesterday's weigh-in showed a lot of water weight! I woke up feeling like I got hit by a Mack Truck and yes, my back hurts...again. Sigh. Hey, I'm trying. If I could figure out a way to keep from re-hurting a 15 year old lower back sprain I would! Anyhow, I have plans tonight to go back to the gym for a 7:30p class (an awesomely convenient time!!). I'm not really sure what kind of class it is, but he's a personal trainer of some sort. Its the beginner's class, we'll see.

I managed to kick out a 1,300 calorie deficit yesterday! That was thrilling! I kept busy all day with laundry (and managed to get 90% of it done, a real accomplishment in my house!) and entertaining the Muffin. I burned about 380 cals at my class, a testament of how hard I busted my butt since I usually do about 325 in the same amount of time! I'm hoping for a high burn in tonight's class too to help make up for the hours I am sitting on my bum at this indoor play yard for the Muffin. Poor kid has been so bored, I had to get her out of the house! Sigh. The things we do for our kids! LOL! This place is so loud and I'm getting a headache. The Muffin even said the screaming was hurting her ears. :) She's three. Crazy kid.

Lunch at this place ought to be interesting. They do a pretty good job at offering some decent food. I mean, you always think you could do a better job. They offer soy milk in squeeze boxes, though my they don't offer real milk (Horizon makes Organic Milk in squeeze boxes too), they have little pots of canned fruit, they have apples, they have apple juice, and they make pretty decent meals. Baked Chicken Strips, salads, sandwiches, grilled cheese... But not having access to any nutrition info makes it hard for me to gage my calories. Rest assured though, I'm going to ask if the chicken tenders have nutri info on the bag. They come from GNC, so I might get lucky.

Tomorrow the hubster has committed to babysitting my friends kids so that we can go the the Yoga class and then the Zumba class. I'm excited. This is the first time my gym has offered yoga. And I think I can handle Yoga before Zumba. At least we'll find out. And I'm more inclined to go if my friend goes along too.

I have no idea what to make for dinner. I have a ton of food, but its all frozen. Guess I'll hit the store for something. I don't even know what I'm in the mood for. Something different. Guess I'll have to search around online for the next great thing!

I'm too distracted here and I think I'm babbling. I'll spare you all and be done with this post.

Dissapointment, Withdrawls,Binges and a Dallop of Good!

2011-02-28T10:39:00.003-05:00

I won't lie. I weighed in at 158.0lbs this morning, up from the 155.4lbs I saw Thursday morning. Sigh. What happened? Well, I think carb withdrawals happened. I'm not sure though. I was sailing along like nothing would stop me, and Friday evening I crashed and burned. I got it in me that I wanted a big fat juicy bar burger. I obsessed about it all day! So I thought I would get it out of my system before I binged. Ha! Looking back it now sounds silly. But I did it. I had a real bar burger complete with grilled onions. I put a dab of mayo on it. Then, enter fries/onion ring basket. Sigh. I need to just start punching my dh in the mouth when he opens it. That way I don't have to say no, since it never seems to come out anyhow. In the end all of the grease made me sick to my stomach and miserable. Lesson learned? You'd think so, right? Nope. Saturday came along and for a myriad of excuses I blew that day, and then it snowballed into Sunday. Sunday was rough. All day long I obsessed and craved and felt crazy about food. Its all I could think about, all day!! Seriously. I started out trying to give in to the temptations a little here and there, but keeping track of them so that I could log the calories, thinking this would help control them. A chocolate, and then another. An ounce of Doritos, a cookie, then another chocolate and it just kept getting stronger and stronger until I found myself with a bowl of Triscuits...after standing in the closet stuffing more chocolates in my mouth. I even hid it from my DH who was watching me spin out of control with a look of chagrin on his face. I let him down. It was written all over his face. I ate in shame, and I couldn't stop myself. Finally I gave in and had a bowl of pasta for dinner, after all, its all I really wanted in the first place. Sigh.

And the consequences showed up this morning on the scale. I'm so disappointed in myself, and ashamed. I don't know what got into me. I don't know why I felt like I was possessed and being controlled by some outwardly thing that demanded I stuff myself with junk. Why do we binge? I wasn't feeling deprived, like I said, I ate the burger. Why do we crave sugar and salt to the point of insanity? Why do we allow ourselves to give in and be beaten down when weight loss feels so much better?

Its bringing me down. And on top of the crap I'm dealing with personally, and feeling trapped in our home I've been feeling very blue, which is never a good combination. Stressed and blue, and like a failure on top of it all. Sigh. How do you pull yourself out of it when you've gotten in too deep?

For me, its the same old thing. I'm going to continue tracking and making dinners abd getting to the gym. I'm going to put the weekend behind me and trudge on, since that's really my only option anyhow. Some good news is that the results came back from the Endocrinologist and I'm all good. No PCOS, no insulin resistance, no diabetes, no excuse. I'm thrilled. Nothing like a little something you can't control to give you a great excuse to neglect. But I don't have that excuse. I have only myself to blame, and myself to depend on to get my butt in gear and get this weight off once and for all. I have to continue getting myself to the gym. I know what works for me. 1,400 cals a day and a good hour or so of decent exercise. That gets my body moving and the fat melting. Get it done Heather! Binging doesn't make the basement not flood, it doesn't make the house sell, it doesn't make your dreams come true, it doesn't bring your son back, and it certainly doesn't make you svelte! It makes you depressed, it makes you feel worthless and ashamed, and it makes you fat! KNOCK IT OFF!

Triumphant moment!

2011-02-24T23:31:00.002-05:00

I just had to jump on and let you all know that I kicked out a more than 1,000 calorie deficit today thanks to cleaning, shopping and playing with the Muffin! I'm thrilled to death! I made those Chicken Burritos for dinner, and aside from me trying to burn the house down...or at least smoke us out like a bunch of moles, they were pretty good! I'm pumped and ready for Monday's weigh-in, which is a nice feeling, and frankly one I had lost. Tomorrow I head back to the Endocrinologist to get the what-what on my hormones. Hoping that I'm right as rain, but somehow know that's not the case! Let's at least hope I'm not diabetic!

Here's to triumphant moments! May you get to experience your fair share!

Progress!

2011-02-24T10:19:00.003-05:00

YES! I am back down to my low point of 155.4lbs (and its only Thursday!). I'm hoping that means I'll see a 154 come Monday. But, I have to make it through the weekend, and those seem to be my nemesis lately. It's helpful that the hubster is back on track too. It keeps him from even suggesting we go out to eat, and that means I don't have to have the will power to say no.

Yesterday did not go according to plan. A friend of mine was really sick, so I went over to watch her kids while she went to the doctor, right at dinner time. I actually resisted the guacamole and chips she had, and I resisted eating dinner with the kids (which I made). By the time I got home it was after 7pm and I was starved. I didn't get to make the burritos (we're having them tonight) but I was able to quickly throw in some chicken nachos since I had all of the stuff on hand, chopped and ready. That was cool. So I managed to stay pretty darn close to my calorie target.

The bad news is that I started feeling down in the dumps yesterday and between that, being sick and then babysitting, I did a whole lot of sitting around. That means my burn was low. Really low. 1843 low. I need to be at 2350 a day. So my deficit was only 450 cals, but I'm still on target to loose a pound of body fat for the week. It'll be hard to gage though, since I've already lost all of that water weight (4lbs) this week and I don't really know what my true starting weight for the week was. But whatever happens I'm already counting this week as a good one. I lost all of the weight I put on during my sluggishness (even if it was all water), and I'm back on track with my food. Heck, I'm even hoping I can hit the gym tonight. My dh has been super sick, so I doubt he'll want to be deserted with a cranky evening toddler. But perhaps.

I have a showing on my house this weekend, so the plan for today is to stay busy cleaning up the house. I also told the muffin I'd take her to McD's for lunch so that she could play in the tubes. Hope she doesn't get MRSA. I'll have to spray her with Lysol when we're done. :) But that also means I am eating there. I'm planned on a 4pc nugget and a yogurt parfait. That puts me at about 400 some odd calories. The sad part is, it won't even be that good. I mean, its ok...but for 400 cals I could've had something great at home. Anyhow, the muffin has cabin fever and she asked if we could eat there, and since we never do that... See how I rationalize things? I also have to shovel some snow to make a path to the garage for the showing, so that'll burn some nice cals too! I'm going to really try to stay active today and not sit down much. It'll be hard though, I'm so tired I feel like collapsing, even as I stand here typing this.

I feel like I have to demand a good day in order to get one. I read a quote yesterday about it not being about will power but want power. So, since I want this, I'm demanding cooperation. Here's to demanding another great day! How bad do you want it? How far are you willing to go to get there? Do you demand it to be so?

I'm back!

2011-02-23T09:07:00.004-05:00

Whew! I'm feeling good this morning and feeling like I am ready! I've had 2 good days in a row. Perfect with my eating and tracking, and on Monday my deficit was 715, and yesterday I had a 921. I'm slated for a pound and a half fat loss right now. The good news is that I've lost 3.5lbs of water weight since Monday, puting me back at 156.4lbs (a pound up from my low). That makes me feel awesome! I hate redoing weight loss. It's such a kick in the teeth to have to repeat weeks. Its one thing to waste weeks, its another to have to redo them! So, hoo-ray!

I'm feeling back on track. Which is good. I've been floundering for a few months now, and I am finally feeling recharged and ready to go. Getting two good solid days under my belt helps a lot too. I have my meals planned. I have everything I need for them (and as you've seen, lots more that I don't). Tonight I'm making Cooking Light's Dec 2010 Chicken and Bean-Stuffed Burritos for dinner. Last night I made a garlic herbed chicken pizzza. It was ho-hum but fast, and the hubster seemed to enjoy it.

I'm still sick and this morning I'm feeling wiped out and lethargic. But I've decided that even though I am too tired and stuffed-up to go to the gym, I can still lose weight through my diet. I don't know why I get into that all or nothing mentality. Like if I can't get to the gym, then why bother counting calories. So, I'm logging my food like a little soldier and I'm trying to get up and clean and shop, which is helping to burn some calories.

Summer is coming people. Its coming. It doesn't feel like it right now with these Arctic temps and snow, but Spring is about 6 weeks away, tops. Then we'll all be free to cut lose and frolic in the sun. BUT, until then we'll have to persevere. Keep your chins up, keep trudging through.

Join the club!

2011-02-21T11:04:00.004-05:00

I'm trying my hand at a new Facebook Page for the Fatty Cake Girls Club Blog. Think of it as the e-version of a coffee house. Come join us there and swap frustrations and ideas! Or promote yourself and your blog! I've also added a FB LIKE button there on the right! go ahead, admit it...YOU LOVE US HERE!

Its not forever, and its worth it!

2011-02-21T08:52:00.007-05:00

159.8lbs

I hate falling off of the wagon. I hate having to constantly re-loose weight I've already struggled to loose once, and in some cases many times. But, here we are again. I'd like to think that its water, and maybe a pound or two is, but I measured myself and I can assure you...the numbers went up.

So. I'm trying to FOCUS on the weight I've gained (almost 5lbs). Maybe NOT focusing on the issue is part of my problem, acting like the choices I make don't have consequences. So today I'm going to remind myself of those 5lbs every time I even think of not hitting my 1,000 calorie deficit.

So far so good, but its only 9am.

One hour at a time, right? LOL! Seriously though, I've already planned my meals for the day. I've planned out just over 1,200 calories (since I need to leave a little wiggle room in case I start to lose control). I've let myself graze and munch for the last couple of weeks, and now I am afraid that I am going to have to put my appetite back in check! That's the hard part after a long binge. Retraining your body to know when its hungry or not. Shrinking your appetite.

These binges frighten me. I mean, its one thing to fall off of the wagon and not loose for a while. Its a whole different story to binge and gain. I need to find balance. I either know how to diet, or I know how to gain weight. There's no middle ground. The sad part is I didn't even binge on anything I really loved. I mean, if I was gonna gain 5lbs, I'd have rather have eaten brownie sundaes everyday. Not Cheeze-Its (which btw, I loathe!). Its messed up. Anyhow, I really don't have that far left to go. It really won't take me but a few months of hard work to be done with all of this. But I get so wrapped up in the stress of it all, and I get bitter and resentful and then I throw my hands up. Its hard to keep a realistic hand on my expectations. Loosing weight is hard, it is!! Planning all of your meals and measuring and reading labels and being prepared and making healthy choices and dragging your butt out of the house to that gym or walk or class all takes effort and stamina and determination. Its time consuming and it gets in the way of plans, family time, hobbies and other fun stuff. But the reality of it is that its not forever, and the end result is so worth it. Just like labor. Nobody wants to be in labor, but once that child is born...what you went through, the pain, its all worth it. I just need to keep reminding myself of that during those times when I'm tired and I want to quit.

And there really isn't an excuse for not cooking well. I mean, look at my pantry!

There really isn't any reason in the world why I can't cook decent meals! And if you think this is bad, I have another one in the basement...and an additional side by side fridge (and they are all this stuffed full of food). I have pounds and pounds of naturally organic venison. I have fish, and chicken breasts and organic vegetables and fruit both fresh and frozen. I have whole grain pasta and beans and soups and nuts. Everything to make a good healthy meal. Many good, healthy meals! In fact, I don't even have a ton of junk food. I mean, I can't keep myself in check, so I don't buy those things. The fact of the matter is that I actually have to go out of my way to binge. And really, who binges on fish and beans? Nah, I invent bad stuff. Microwaving chocolate chips and PB for the biggest PB cup you've ever seen! Dipping pretzels and Wasa crackers in Nutella. Melting chocolate chips and adding nuts and dried fruit for a sublime brittle like thing, and then eating it in handfuls. Sigh. Its a sickness.

So anyhow. I had a Slim-Fast for breakfast so that I could get my jolt of caffeine and keep my booty moving all day. I have lots of chores and laundry I'd like to get done. And if I can keep my butt up off of the couch and get those things done, that will help big time in the calorie burning department. For Lunch I'm making Bean & Ham soup. Its a cold, nasty, dreary day. The perfect day for soup. Plus, I need to eat more vegetables, so bean soup is a great way to do that! Then for dinner I'm making frozen fish patties with rice and veggies. I mean, its not the tastiest meal on earth, but its fast, its easy and its low calorie. And these days I need that. I worked in a snack and some fruit too. Plus, it snowed...again. So I'll have to shovel at some point. But the muffin is very sick, and I can't have her outside with me...so I might have to do the shoveling much later (and beat my neighbor kid to it). But it is my plan to hit the 1,000 calorie deficit mark, even if it means I have to get on that blasted elliptical.

But, its not forever, and it'll be so worth it. Right?

Make Different Choices!

2011-02-20T22:30:00.005-05:00

Sabotage.

At least that's what I keep claiming. And really I might not be far off of the mark because as of my last post my dh has gotten influenza, I've gotten a sinus infection and my daughter went from having a small cold to now having influenza with maybe a day in between, but probably just a few hours, and now we are in the middle of an ice storm. So OBVIOUSLY I can not control what has been going on with my eating (since I just have to eat when I'm bored/frustrated/stressed/not feeling well) and I can not control how many times I've made it (or not) to the gym because of illness and weather, I mean, its out of my hands, right?

Uh. No.

You see, its not out of my hands. I CHOSE to eat poorly, and I CHOSE to skip my workouts. Now, obviously I'm allotted a couple of days of rest and relaxation as I recoup from my sinus infection, and obviously I shouldn't be taking my germies to the gym to ever so kindly hand over to my fellow fat fighters, but in all reality I took my little inch and stretched it a couple of miles.

I was reading a delightful post over at Just Running, where she was actually responding to a post she read over at Leaving Fatville, and it really struck home with me. How many times have I gotten on here to complain and gripe about how life has gotten in my way? But Amy mentioned something in her post that resonated deeply with me.

"When you make choices that are no longer satisfying, guess what? MAKE DIFFERENT CHOICES!"

I mean, it really shouldn't seem all that brilliant, because it is quite simple. It reminds me of that saying everyone has about the definition of insanity (doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results). It really is that simple. The choices I am making are not getting me to where I want to go, so I need to make different choices. Notice she didn't say "better choices". Because, as she points out, there aren't good or bad choices, they're just choices. I make the choice to skip my workout this afternoon. I make the choice to go skinny dipping in a bag of M&M's while watching TV for 4 hours. These are all choices that I alone am making, and if I'm so bummed about the results these choices are leading to, well then its time to make different ones!

Because no, it's not all about being perfect all of the time. Its about making a different choice then the ones I made that slowed me down, and knocked me off course. So while my daughter is still very ill and I can not get away to go to the gym...I do own an elliptical, several exercise DVDs, and a Wii Fit. And while I may not feel quite up to making a 4 course meal just yet, I think I am capable of tracking my calories and making quick and healthy meals that easily fall into my calorie budget. Because honestly, sometimes we just make being healthy too hard. It isn't about endless hours spent at the gym, or fancy shmancy dinners. Its about choosing to get off the couch, choosing to drink that water instead of the soda. Its about choosing to have a normal serving of pasta over that enormous bowl, or choosing to savor 1 piece of chocolate instead of four.

Health is a choice. I chose to be fat. I chose to be lazy. I chose to be unhealthy. And since those choices no longer satisfy me, I choose to be different.

The choice is yours too.

What has happened to me!!!???!

2011-02-15T10:33:00.004-05:00

Seriously. I don't know where my mojo went! Christmas came and that was the end of it! Now here we are some seven weeks or so later and I am STILL not back on track! I keep starting and stopping. And I continue to tell myself its just one thing after another. I'm being sabotaged. And while some of that may be true (because there has been some sickness floating around), frankly its mostly just excuses and me being lazy. I mean, let's call it what it is and stop trying to sound like a victim. I'm a victim of my own laziness. That's it.

But, I've run out of excuses. I mean really. The holiday's are over. My blue month is over. Birthday's are over until April. And now Valentine's Day is over. Its warming up this month (we're talking 40's people!!), the snow is melting, the sun is more frequent, the days are getting longer, I've already paid this months gym membership, and a friend is going with me on Wednesday (and boy do I hope that's a new routine!). Now all that's left to do is buckle down and just do it! Get my calories back in check, get my butt back in motion. Loosing 2lbs a week took a lot of effort, but I did it! I know what was working for me, and I figured out how to get it done. Which frankly is tough for a lot of people. Figuring out how to get it done for them. But I did that. Now I just have to stick to it again. I mean, I HATE the winter, LOATH it really, and I know that its put a real hiccup in my weight loss journey (since I'd so much rather be walking and bike riding and gardening and playing outside then stuck in a dark stinking gym).

And if nothing else I have to do it to prove to my mother that it CAN be done, and that she can do it too! I mean I have a lot going against me. I emotionally eat, I've struggle with depression for 2 years now, I have a husband who has the same weaknesses as myself and I'm easily convinced to sway, and then I have PCOS and Insulin Resistance. That's a lot to overcome all in one stroke. But again, my biggest hindrance is my own laziness. It really is. I procrastinate and rationalize so much of my life its ridiculous! But the key here people is that I understand and know my own weaknesses and downfalls. I know what trips me up, I know what is a surefire way to failure. And I believe knowing is half the battle. The other half is learning to counteract those times of trip-ups (birthdays, holidays, special occasions, ultra busy times) and to be prepared. Its the whole "failure to plan, is planning to fail" bit. And its so true! I've seen it in my life time and time again. So I struggle with planning and I struggle with follow through! A whole heap of a lot of good it does me to plan dinner if I let my dh talk me into skipping making it (which doesn't take a whole lot of effort since I hate cooking and I hate cleaning it up even more!) and then I end up never making it and ultimately throwing the food away. Its disgusting really.

So anyhow. Now that I am on the far side of the most common things that drag me down, I'm hoping that today I can get a fresh start (even though its a Tuesday) and get back into the routine of going to my exercise classes, cooking healthy foods and tracking my calories. Because that is my recipe for success. Move, eat well and track it all! I'm up about 4lbs, though I think a lot of it is bloating and water retention (because its about that time, and I've been eating very poorly!). So, luckily I haven't undone all of my hard work from last fall, and frankly it really would just take me a few months of hard work to get done with this!

The plan for this week is to get my proverbial sh!t together. I've made plans and worked out a schedule for getting my lazy butt into the gym for the week. I have new kicks, so I'm hoping that'll help some of the foot issues I've been having during classes. I've got a well stocked pantry, and a pretty good idea for several meals to make this week. My dh is feeling determined to get back on track (since he's gained several pounds and is feeling very sore and down on himself again lately) and wants to stop eating out (which is really helpful for me). SO really the only thing holding me back is myself.

So, SELF, its time to suck it up and get back in motion!

Hormone Hell!!

2011-02-09T11:03:00.003-05:00

If you're a chic, you've been here. Hormone hell. I swear I feel like I am being sabotaged! If its not one thing its another. I'm on board for a few good days, kicking butt at the gym, eating right...and then bam!! Something happens, and I can be spotted doing backwards somersaults [rump over head, dust flying] behind the proverbial wagon again! I just can't seem to stay on track when a wrench gets thrown into my routine. And then it takes me days to catch back up to that blasted wagon, and by the time I get there I'm exhausted from playing catch up that I have a hard time hanging on!

Example. Last week I was on a roll again. Going to boxing (where I forgot to eat and nearly died ten minutes into the most exhausting hour of exercise ever!!), then to a new Cardio Blast class (where the chic was just insane and I couldn't do half of what she did!). But I think Friday evening I lost my footing. I can't remember why. Saturday I went to a shindig where I enjoyed a cocktail (or three) for the first time in almost two years which led to major munchies, Sunday was the Muffins birthday party at the in-laws and Sunday night the Muffin got the flu! Enter, hectic few days. Then my once a month lunch with the hubster, at a new restaurant where I just could NOT behave. Which brings me to today. I made the most insane Breakfast Cookies yesterday morning (get the recipe here) and the recipe said I could eat 3 cookies of 1/4c of batter for 190 cals. I ate two yesterday. So today I think I'm being all great and I eat two, have some milk and a banana (which they recommend to round the meal out). When I entered the recipe into MY calorie calculating program I was shocked to see that the nutrition info in the recipe book is WAY OFF! 1 Cookie has 163 cals, 3 puts me at 489 cals...NOT 190! So add on the milk and banana and I'm at 577 cals for breakfast! WHA??? Seriously! This is why dieting is so hard unless you weigh and measure and calculate everything and rely on no one but yourself! I mean really, how can a renowned diet cookbook author be off by 299 calories for one meal??? Anyhow, its a crummy way to start the day. You think you're being all "good" and doing what you should, and BAM!! You're not! I mean really, if I was gonna blow my breakfast I would've done it on IHOP or something. And to make things worse, today I have a dentist appointment, on the day I was trying to get BACK to the gym. I'm hoping that I'll be done in time. I'm even going to wear my exercise clothes to the dentist. That should elicit some raised eyebrows. But hey, you do what you gotta do.

Back to the Hormone Hell issue though. So here I am, one thing after another knocking me down and when I think I'm at the point to get a good grip on that wagon...in come the hormones! Hormones kick my butt! There really just is no other way to describe it. I crave, I gorge, I get lazy and grumpy and blue (which makes me want to eat). So, I'd love to know what you women do during Hormone Hell week? I've read to get lots of calcium (so I'm working on that) and to keep exercising (so I'm working on that). But I need better answers, more ideas. Got any?

Tonight is my Zumba class. I've only taken one, but I really did like it. I mean, it is what it is. A bunch of uncoordinated woman in a huge bunch trying to not be uncoordinated. Its funny, but it makes you sweat. Then tomorrow is my boxing class, which I really like. After boxing is a spin class, which I've yet to try (it looks super intimidating and I have to be 30min early to get a bike! Uh, no!) but I might stick around and try it tomorrow...since I'll already be there and all. Then Friday morning is that stupid Cardio Blast Class again. Ugh. I mean, I'm going because I have a date with my aunt to watch the Muffin every Friday and Monday morning and she gets real bummed out if she doesn't get the Muffin...so I feel pressured into going, which is funny, but motivating. AND THEN...I have to travel on Saturday and go to a baby shower...more sabotage!

I'm also trying to get motivated during these very blah months! Motivated to do anything. So Friday afternoon I'm throwing a Valentine's Day Party for the Muffin and a few of her Toddler friends, which has me super geeked! We're decorating Peanut Butter and Chocolate Truffles (a recipe I got from Cooking Light!!) and I'm making a heart shaped pizza, chocolate covered strawberries and these little pigs in blankets (thanks to Trader Joe's), hummus and veggies and maybe a few other goodies! But all healthy. I'm hoping this will keep me focused and not stuffing my face on garbage. Plus its harder to gorge when my friends are around and know that I'm trying to loose weight. I'm also trying to find fun new recipes to make. Ones that I can do with my 3 year old (at least a little) that are healthy, on the light side and are actually meal food...not treats. Like the breakfast cookies; those were fun, and a meal, and healthy. I've been having fun with making "fish and chips" lately. We also made a stop at Home Goods (if you have one of these near you and haven't been in, you NEED to go in! They're a division of Marshall's/TJMaxx...Marshall's is a great place to try too, but we don't have one.) and my absolute sweet man of a hubster bought me a mandolin! I'm geeked! I can't wait to try it out and make all sorts of things. One thing was something called Window Pane Potato Chips, I pulled it from a magazine. You take two really thin slices of potato and you sandwich a fresh herb between the two. It seemed super cool! I also bought some Polenta recently, and am going to dig out a few recipes I've pulled on that and see what I can make. And I think in the next couple of weeks I'm having a friend over and we're going to try our hands at making Pasties and Pot Pies to freeze and pull out for quick meals. Eating Well has a recipe for a lighter pie crust using cream cheese instead of butter. So I'm starting there. But I sure would like some more unusual ideas. If you have any, please share!!

We put our house up on the market again over the weekend. We're very discouraged, but the good news is that now I have to keep it clean...meaning I need to actually clean it. Cleaning burns calories! So, I'm trying to keep a positive head and keep doing the best that I can. Eventually I'll get there. 1lb at a time, right? The point is to stay focused and not to throw in the towel at every little hiccup (which is what I'm prone to do). That's what I need to focus on right now, being consistent...even in Hormone Hell.

Stop the insanity!!

2011-02-02T10:36:00.004-05:00

WOW! When it rains it pours! Seems like one thing after another around here that I keep allowing to get in the way of my weight loss. I even gained 3lbs, if you can believe that!! Luckily this past Monday I loss one of those 3lbs, but I am still up 2lbs and that bums me out big time.

I'd like to think that my excuses and rationale are legit, but really, they're just excuses. I could have stayed on track. I could have made a point to go to the gym even with my mother here over the weekend. I could have made ultra healthy meals instead of suggesting we go to an Italian restaurant. I could have made every effort to eat right even on the days where I just could not find a moment to go to the gym because I was power cleaning for a showing (we're trying to sell our house again). I mean, the calorie burn was there, but the food was off. I could have used the elliptical or done a video or even gone back to the P90x DVDs on the days I couldn't get to the gym, but I didn't. I think I've pretty much squandered the last 6-8 weeks, and that really bums me out. I don't know why I feel like I can rationalize my behavior, my lack of exercise, my lack of preparedness for my food, my lack of giving a crap. But I do it, and then I look back and want to kick myself. Do you remember back in September when I got on my roll? I was supposed to be done on March 7th. That's 5 weeks from now. FIVE LOUSY WEEKS!! Well, that's not going to happen now! Here I am at 157lbs, trying for 125lbs. I still have 32lbs to go. 16 weeks. 4 months. I am now 3 months behind. SIGH.

Anyhow, as much as I am obsessing, I am trying very hard not to focus on that! The time I've lost, again. The time I've wasted, again. Now I'm looking to June 1st as my goal date. And I'm trying to stay pumped and positive and remind myself that I have lost 25lbs (ok, 23lbs since I gained 2lbs back), and I did it in just a few short months. I can do that again. I CAN DO THAT AGAIN!!! It wasn't impossible. I mean, yeah, it was time consuming and tiresome, but worth it! I love the weight that I've lost. I love the pride my dh had in me! I love the comments. I love the confidence I felt when it started falling off! I love the FB posts, and the cheering and the inquisitions. It made me feel good. It made me feel like people were in awe of me and what I had done. That kept me going. But damn those holidays and the subsequent stupid bloody depressing month of January!! [breathe - focus] But it's February now, and I don't care that we supposedly had a blizzard last night. I'M BACK! With out question, with out doubt, without rational, with out pause! I am back and I WILL be a looser again! I HAVE TO!

Ok, so now that I've had my pep talk it really boils down to planning and action and goals. Well, my goal is the same...to have a minimum 1,000 calorie deficit each day, consistently (this seems to be my biggest challenge, being consistent). That gives me a 2lb fat loss each week and will put me at my goal weight by June. I don't care how the deficit comes about, extra exercise or less calories, but I'm insisting on a minimum of a thousand calorie deficit each day (while still eating a minimum of 1250 cals). If I get more than that at the end of each week, great! My goal is to work out 5 days a week (and try for 7, but things happen). Ideally I'd like to do this at the gym I pay to attend, but even if its walking or my elliptical or a video, as long as I do some form of actual exercise each day. I mean, I know that I could clean like a maniac and burn those calories, but the point is to keep me on track with exercise and in the routine/habit of doing it. I seem to have the most trouble when I don't have the habit. I also need to be realistic about my limits. For instance, my back. I keep injuring it. So, I'm going to have to try to figure out work arounds so that I can still exercise and lose weight with out hurting my back every time I do a squat (which is how it happened this time). I also know that not planning my meals is a huge downfall of mine and really adds to my failure. If I'm tired, weary, head achy, sore or even bummed I tend to fall back on eating out. And yes eating out can be done if you plan ahead and know what to order BEFORE you walk in to that restaurant, but since I am having such issues with eating out lately, I'm going to have to 86 the whole thing. And believe it or not, blogging keeps me more accountable. I hate coming on here and admitting my failure. I hate disappearing for several days and having to tuck tale when I come back. Its embarrassing.

So... Pep talk [check], goals established [check], now on to grabbing hold of motivation.

I thought in September that I had some huge motivation. Then somewhere along the line I sort of freaked out, and then lost that motivation. I know that most of us are constantly on the hunt for a new motivator, and while there are some out there for some people, most of the time I think we just have to invent it ourselves. So now I think my motivation is my mother. She is over weight and has been for a very long time. She hates it. So, after loosing 25lbs myself with the help of the Bodybugg it was a no brainer to get one for my mother. This past weekend we got her all hooked up and ready and she is now using her bugg, and looking to me for guidance. So I feel like I need to practice what I preach. I need to prove to her that it is possible, and this is how you do it. I need to set an example and be able to say "if I can do it, you can do it!" and know it to be true. So even if right now loosing weight for myself isn't enough to motivate me, maybe helping my mother loose a significant amount will be!

So... Pep talk [check], establishing goals [check], identifying a motivator [check].

NOW WHAT?

I guess now all that's left to do is to just DO IT! No matter what. No more excuses (like my headache right this moment). No more "I'll do better tomorrow". It starts now...

...again. ;)

Giving up is NOT an option!

2011-01-20T10:05:00.003-05:00

I fell apart. I can't lie. Christmas vacation threw me off and I have had the HARDEST time getting back on track. But I'm back on it, and that's what counts! Luckily I still managed to loose weight, even if in smidgens. I'm 155.8lbs now, and I feel good about that. Disappointed that I slipped up and wasted a good 6 weeks and now feel WAY behind. But, it is what it is and I can't change what I did then, only how I go forward.

I signed up for that place I've been talking about, The Workout Warehouse, where I can take unlimited classes for $30/month. Yesterday was my first real day there. I had a free class that I did a week and a half ago, but then didn't sign up until yesterday. So, last night I went and tried Zumba for the first time. I burned 365 calories in the hour class. I liked Zumba. It was fast, and confusing (a little), and frankly I just am not that coordinated (I'm not much of a dancer) and I have really bad rhythm. And I don't care what Shakira says...my hips lie! They lie still and stiff. And I wasn't real fond of that HUGE mirror across from me. HOWEVER, I will say that 90% of the class looked just like me (if not worse) and the only one who really looked good was the instructor. So, I'll do it again. Next time with pants that don't drag on the ground and shoes that are more for dancing...I have blisters on my big toes. After Zumba I stayed for the hour long Boxing class too. This was my second boxing class. I have decided that I LOVE to box. Or at least I love wearing gloves and hitting a heavy bag. The first time my hands and wrists hurt, and I had bruises on my knuckles. This time I have red, sore knuckles, but no bruises and my wrists aren't hurting. Apparently I wasn't hitting the bag square and I would roll my wrist. I was much better this time. I also burned 365 calories in that class for an over 700 total calorie burn for the two hours I was there. That made me feel like a warrior, and this elusive "Runners High" people talk about...it's AWESOME!! I came home wiped out, and pumped! I was in such a great mood, and giggely. It really was wonderful! Funny too, given that ten minutes into the boxing class I started to panic as the exhaustion set in and I wondered what the bleep I was thinking as I couldn't even do a plank for 10 seconds of the 60 that the instructor was demanding! I looked pathetic, and my arms were Jell-O and I kept looking at the clock...but nothing beats getting to punch a dude in the chest for 50 feet! Its so much fun!!

I ended up burning a record 2,868 calories for the day! That was a 1400 calorie deficit in the end. I went to bed so elated and felt so powerful, just like I used to a few months ago. Its a great feeling to punish your body and tell it "you WILL do it!!" and then actually do it!

On Tuesday I cleaned like a mad woman and ended up burning over 2600 cals for the day with out even exercising! I love when that happens! I'm hoping for results like that again today, but I'm doubting it since its already after eleven. Guess I'll have to go to a class tonight to make a huge burn again! But I have about 20 trips to make up and down the stairs carrying laundry and putting that away, and some serious power cleaning to get done today. So maybe I'll get lucky and have a huge burn again today!

Tonight I am trying SPIN class for the first time. I'm super nervous. But I want to try all sorts of different things so that my body doesn't get used to anything in particular. In February they are having Personal Defense classes and I am SO into doing THAT!!

My mini goal is to loose 2.5lbs for the next two weeks. I'd love to start February in the 140's!

I've really had to step back and re-evaluate my goals and motivation. I think I was starting to freak out, and then sabotage myself. There's been a lot of stress and emotions floating around this month with the anniversary of my son's stillbirth coming up on Monday. Its amazing the things that come into play when you are trying to lose weight. All of the head games we play with ourselves. But I'm down 25lbs now and it feels so good to look different and feel different. Its amazing what even 25lbs can do for you. Even in the shower when I'm washing my legs and I realize they feel different under my hands, or that the bulge on my thigh is gone, or how hard with muscle my calves are. Or when I put on a pair of underwear that have long been too small and uncomfortable, only to find that they now fit, and might even bee a little big. Or when you're rooting around in your closet and drawers for clothes to wear and find that your frustration over having nothing to wear stems from everything being too big and sloppy on you, especially since not that long ago they were tight and uncomfortable. I like all of those things. I like that my husband says that I feel different in his arms. I like that the sore achiness is from exercising and not from luggin' around too much weight for my little bones. I had a bad few weeks where I slumped and felt depressed and in the dumps and emotional and I felt like giving up. And then it occurred to me again...

GIVING UP IS NOT AN OPTION!

Trying to see M.E.

2011-01-13T11:24:00.002-05:00

This morning I weighed myself (I know, I know! Once a week!) and was at 156.0lbs, a loss of a half of a pound this week, despite my short comings. That makes me feel good. I also decided to not look like a scumbag today (something I'm going to attempt to do at least once a week. Make-up, hair, even perfume) while going to lunch and then shopping with a friend of mine. After I was all put together, I looked at myself in the long mirror. I noticed that no longer do I look fat. No longer does my belly stick out as far as my butt does in the opposite direction. No longer do I look 4 months pregnant. No longer do I even look thick, or big. I just look normal. I mean, let's not get too pepped here, I don't look skinny by any means, but not looking fat, and seeing that, is a huge deal!

Finding ways to sidetrack the cravings!

2011-01-11T13:44:00.003-05:00

There are a few things in this world that I think you should be able to enjoy sans guilt, regardless of the calories. Fruit, veggies and milk are at the top of that list. Skim milk at least. Most of us don't get enough calcium and Vitamin D as it is, so throwing in a glass (of more) or skim milk each day is one of those things everyone should do, even if they've gone over their calories for the day. Studies have shown that people who consumed reduced fat dairy while dieting lost more weight (specifically belly fat) than their counterparts even though they consumed the same number of calories. Like I needed a reason to drink milk, but there it is. One of the things I used to enjoy a lot in my college years was something the local coffee house called a Steamer. Basically its hot milk with flavored syrup. I like mine with almond syrup and keep the syrup on hand. At 35 cals a tablespoon, who can argue. I prefer the syrups that are NOT sugar free, since I've stated my distaste for fake sugar here before. Anyhow, lately this little delight has gone by the way side to be replaced by my mocha's. And today I was really jonesing for a mocha!!! Then, like a little light bulb, the idea flashed on in my head! "Ding! Steamer. You love them, go make one, enjoy, reap the rewards of milk!!" Anyhow I posted the "recipe" (not like it needs one, but none the less) on our recipe sight here at the FCGC. You can get there by clicking here. I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. Chai tea is also high on my list, so I'm going to try to figure out how to make a lighter version of it. When I do, you'll be the first to know!!

Do you have a cozy warm drink recipe to share that's under 150 calories? I'd love to hear it!

I think I've lost my motivation, and that frightens me.

2011-01-11T09:02:00.004-05:00

Man did I screw up yesterday!!! Wow! I couldn't get myself under control, and then ultimately just gave in. The sad part is that I didn't really enjoy it. I kept staring at my dinner in horror. My husband asked me "What's the matter, you full already? Oh, you're feeling guilty." And I was. I only ate about a third of my meal, the sad part was that I ate 2/3rds of the free queso appetizer (Thanks Chili's!!) at a cost of 1,125 calories. For cheese dip ya'll! It was good, but not dessert good and frankly I would have rather had some molten cake thing with ice cream or something. I so wish the calorie counts were on the menu. I mean, I knew it was bad, but maybe a 1,000 for the whole thing, not the grotesque amount it really was. And frankly had I seen that, even in the disastrous place I was in, I would have said no way! Or at least gotten the dessert. Sigh. So because of yesterdays debacle I also will loose today's burn trying to make up for the close to 800 calorie surplus I had yesterday. Two days down the drain because I couldn't get a grip. Its sad. Its depressing. I don't know what my issue is lately. I've been feeling blue, so that doesn't help, but I'm back to feeling like the old me from August. The out of control cravings, and exhaustion. And it makes me so angry because I had gotten to a great spot in my new life. I didn't crave, I wasn't quite so tired, I looked forward to my exercise and loved it, and my new life just felt like the norm. I refused to eat inappropriately. I didn't even give it much thought. I just said no, it's not worth it. I'm not sure where that resolve went these days. But I tell you, a couple of off weeks because of Christmas has turned into a month long debacle! And one would think this was enough motivation for me, but its not. I still want big fat greasy foods. I still want sickeningly sweet desserts. I still want to lay around on the couch all day and watch TV. I think I've lost my motivation, and that frightens me. I'm not even half way there yet. I hate the winter. I know that is a huge issue for me. And I am trying to make amends and I am trying to work around my hatred for the cold and come up with new things to do (like Boxing!) but its like pulling teeth these days. Normally the New Year is a time for fresh starts, renewed commitments and extra motivation, but I just can not find mine and it is really frustrating for me.

Moving on...

I discovered this morning that an egg sandwich on a WW English Muffin with a 2% Cheese Single is 220 calories. That's about a Slim-Fast. I'm wondering if the caffeine is part of my issue, so I'm trying to nip that. But this morning the eggs smelled off to me and I started to wonder if there was something wrong with my brain. They didn't taste weird, they just smelled. I ate it anyway.

My dh invited me out to lunch today. This is a huge rarity and I'm really excited to go. Its a BBQ place and I L.O.V.E. BBQ. Ribs mainly. But I get excited about BBQ anything. So, I took the initiative to go online to check out the menu. Because its a local dive there is (of course) no nutrition info available. So, reluctantly I have settled on a Broiled BBQ Chicken Sandwich. No sides. That puts me in the 400 cal range. A hefty lunch, even for a stupid grilled chicken breast sandwich. I'm tired of grilled chicken sandwiches, I can tell you that! But, I figure its the safest bet, and I still get the nice charred BBQ taste. I mean really, let's not drag out this weight loss thing for a year. After I'm done losing and all I have to do is maintain, I'll be able to afford to eat a little more relaxed. Clearly not anything like yesterday, but more relaxed. I'll have to admit though, it sure has become evident how I gained 85lbs in the first place. Man oh man! I sure do like to eat some very unhealthy foods.

The Muffin and I are on our own for dinner tonight, so I think we're going to have homemade pizza with ham and mushrooms on a WW crust. I buy the dough from Trader Joe's so the hard part is done (if making pizza dough is hard to begin with). It should be a relatively quick meal to make which is good because I won't be home most of the day. In the end I should be at 1200 cals, leaving me room for an afternoon snack if I need one. I can't go to the warehouse to exercise tonight since I don't have a sitter, but maybe I'll throw in the P90x Kenpo X DVD and burn 400 cals that way. Its convincing myself to do it that will be the hard part. Sigh.

How are you staying motivated in the bitter cold?

I love being a loser!

2011-01-10T08:05:00.002-05:00

156.6lbs this morning. That's a 1.6lb loss for the week. Its what I earned and worked for, and what I deserved and it showed up! I'm thrilled to death!! It's been a tough several weeks. I've only lost about 5lbs this month, my goal was ten. This cold weather is kicking my butt, and not being able to walk (because I'm a wuss, though the other day I actually went Mall Walking, ugh!!) is really putting a cramp in my calorie burn. And with 32 more pounds to go, I really need to amp up my burns each and every day! I so don't want to still be doing this in August!!

My first plan is to put together a work out schedule. I've noticed that since I don't pay for those 6 week classes anymore I don't make a point to get my exercise in every day. This new gym, The Workout Warehouse offers me unlimited classes for $30 a month, and I take for granted that I can always go later. I'm a great procrastinator! So having a schedule on the fridge that my dh has to make sure he gets home in time for (babysitting), and forcing myself to go when its time (or the dh forcing me), should help. My ideal goal is to exercise 7 days a week. Some think you need a day of rest, and I may decide to do that (probably Sunday since the only classes are at 8am!! Gasp!), but I also know that I tend to never come back from my day of rest.

I also need to get back to planning our dinners for the week. I sort of did that last week, well I planned them and then we only ate at home about two-thirds of the time. Plus if I order that Organic Produce box to be delivered to our door, we'll both make more of a point to eat at home so that we're not throwing that food away. So planning my dinners is plan number two.

I'm thinking that sticking with these two plans will help to get me refocused on the bigger picture, and once I start feeling like I am busting my butt again, and watching two pound a week fall off consistently again, I will stop feeling like I am being tortured for such few results. Right now I feel like my life revolves around all things weight loss, and that really messes up my head. Not to mention that I have my daughters birthday coming up, the anniversary of the still birth of my son (which will probably kick me in the head!!), out of town visitors and then putting my house back up for sale. Which means that not only do I have to power clean my house (yay for the calories!!), I have to KEEP it clean each day since they don't like to give much notice for a showing, and then I also have a few small repairs (caulking, touch up painting) to make over the next couple of weeks! Its going to be hard to convince myself to take time each day to make healthy meals (three times a day) and to exercise in the midst of trying to keep everything clean with a toddler and then of course laundry and dishes and other normal household chores. Especially since I've been feeling extra tired lately. I don't know what that's all about.

I finally got all of the blasted Christmas decor down last night. Man, nothing is more depressing to me than having that crap up looming for weeks after the holidays are over. I just had a hard time getting to it this year. But I'm feeling refreshed and energized this morning to have it down and now I'm off to enjoy my almond cream of wheat for breakfast. I love cream of wheat and it gives me a very cozy feeling on these horridly cold mornings. I'm not much for oatmeal.

Anyhow, what are your plans for getting back on track, or staying there?

Boxing

2011-01-09T15:05:00.003-05:00

So yesterday morning I busted out of my shell again and gave a try to boxing. Real boxing, not video Kickboxing ala Billy Blanks! I went to a new "gym" and took a class and for an hour I punched a heavy bag, punched the instructor, ducked, did push-ups, jumping jacks and squats. I even wore real boxing gloves. My knuckles are bruised and I am sore in places I didn't know I had muscles. But I loved it! I burned 350 calories, which seemed like a joke compared to the exertion, but I had a great time. I can't believe I actually did it! I've been having a hard time meeting my burn and getting back into the groove of exercise since Christmas vacation. I'm hoping this boxing episode will nudge me back in the right direction, but today I am so sore I can barely think about doing any real form of exercise. :s

End of the day, SCORE!!

2011-01-04T21:24:00.003-05:00

I scored today! I managed to meet my burn of 1,000 cals more than I ate. I did my P90x Cardio X video (burning 250cals) this evening and went from being in a really nasty mood to being fairly peaceable. Tomorrow I'm taking the Muffin to the zoo with some friends, so maybe I'll freeze my butt off, and then in the evening I'm going to my first Zumba class. I hope I like it. I'm hoping tomorrow is a big burn day. I'll probably have an egg sandwich for breakfast since I'm planning on getting up early to make the DH breakfast (planning being the key word), and lunch will be Bean & Ham soup left over from the local diner the other day. Dinner is Chicken sandwiches with oven fries and fruit of some sort. I'm sure I'll throw in a snack or something. Anyhow, so though I was a crabby pants all day, it ended well and I'm pleased with my results.

Cookie Friday, the Great Fridge Purge, and Sleeping too much!

2011-01-04T10:16:00.004-05:00

So this is really my first day back to reality. The Hubster went back to work today after a very long vacation. Makes me kinda sad and lonely since I love his company, but he seriously puts a cramp in my routine! I started a load of laundry three days ago, its still in the washing machine. :s My house is a wreck, there are no groceries and my work out routine flew out the window the weekend he first went on vacation (the 19th!!). It makes me feel whinny and grumpy. Whoa is me [rolls eyes].

Like I said, last nights work out video did not go well. I woke up a little sore, but it might be more because of the twelve hours I spent in bed. I didn't get up until ten am. The plan was to get up and make breakfast for the Hubster, but he said he felt like I needed to sleep. EXCEPT that I WANTED to be up so that I could have a few extra hours (not less!) to burn calories since my body is being really sluggish lately. I also wanted to get a big head start on the laundry before the Muffin got up, and maybe even the kitchen. No such luck. So here I stand, exhausted and sore standing at my PC blogging because I'm too pooped to even make breakfast. Sleeping that long just really sucks. You'd think you'd feel great, but nope. You don't.

I read this blog this morning about a chic (she writes for Health Mag) who does something she calls Cookie Fridays. She didn't really go into details, but I'm assuming she bakes herself cookies every Friday. She talks about her love for baking in other posts. Anyhow, I thought that was a fun idea. A special day to look forward to. I used to do that with Soda. I drank it once a week a couple of years ago, and I looked forward to that day like a birthday! I won't do the Cookie Friday thing only because I know that either a) I'd have to eat all of the cookies in one day (since no one else here will eat cookies except my 3 year old and frankly that ain't happening!) or b) Cookie Friday would turn into a cookie weekend. So. No good. I just can't control myself. I've often thought of having a treat day; picking one day and having a Mini Blizzard, or a Mocha or a Soda or a piece of cake or something. But one day would turn into two and then three. Or I'd start to rationalize the mini Blizzard into a medium because "Hey, its just once a week!". Don't get me wrong, I don't NOT eat treats. That would never work out. In fact, I eat something usually everyday. I just have realized that I need to be very cautious with my treats. Chocolate seems to be a useful treat. I love chocolate, but I don't LOVE it. I can live with out it, I don't crave it, it doesn't whisper sweet nothings into my sweet tooth (like say anything with Peanut Butter or that blasted Sunkist!!). So I do eat special chocolates several times a week. Trader Joe's makes Dark Chocolate Wedges with Caramel and they're 30 cals each. Delicious, rich and satisfying and I get the benefits of the dark chocolate. I also begged for these Nut Truffles from Godiva that are to die for, but Santa thought otherwise apparently because they didn't show up under my tree! HOWEVER, I did get lucky and find a gift box of Ferrero Rochers (the most heavenly truffles ever!!) for half off at CVS the other day. Those are 70cals a piece but a nice little treat when I'm feeling like I need one. Having these sort of things at my disposal does seem to help me not feel like I'm being deprived. Which is key to preventing a spin out gorgefest!

Today I have planned The Great Fridge Purge (and pantry too). This is the day we all have a few times a year where you look into the abyss of your fridge and realize that there are more expired jars, science experiments and generally unrecognizable stuff in your refrigerator than there is food. So today I am ditching that 2 month old box of Tuna Snacks that the Muffin never finished off, the open bottle of Izzy that spilled when we were moving the fridge to replace our linoleum last week, the "why the heck do I even own this" bottle of whatever!! Today's the day. And the pantry is getting it too, and maybe even the freezer. This will help me to feel less cluttered and to be able to see what sort of food I really do have, what I need to buy and what meals I can forage with out spending three hours in the local giganto-mart that makes me feel homicidal just pulling into the parking lot. Unfortunately a trip to said store can not be avoided since I am out of everything from Toilet Paper to Hairspray and all of my organics, and that blasted store is the only ones to carry organic food. However, after the great purge I may be able to rationalize that $33 box of organic fruit/veggies that I have delivered to my house now and again, which costs me about a buck an item. And in the winter, that's not so bad.

I have a lot to talk about today, but this post is getting so long that I fear most of you have wandered off or down right fallen asleep. So I'll save the rest of my babbling for another time, and if you're lucky I'll forget what I was going to say! ;) Everyone have a successful day!

Waving the white flag!

2011-01-03T17:00:00.002-05:00

OMG!!! Seriously. I might be dying. I just ~~did~~ attempted to do P90x Core Synergistics and my butt has been officially whipped! I couldn't even finish. I was dizzy (and now headachy) and shaky and I just felt whooped and beat up! Let's just hope that tomorrow's Cardio X routine is a little less rude! I did still burn about 4 cals/min for a total of 200 cals for the lousy workout. I'll take what I can get. I'm on target to hit a minimum burn of 2000 calories, which isn't my thousand calorie deficit for the day, but I guess I'll have to take a few days to ease back into this lifestyle. Boy! Stopping, if even for a couple of weeks, was such a BAD IDEA!!

Food has been good. Slim-Fast for breakfast (which I don't condone or promote, I'm just weak in the knees for it at 200 cals), lunch was a grilled chicken sandwich and a few fries from Old Chicago (520cals) and a CC cookie (150cals). Dinner was supposed to be baked fish, rice and veggies, but frankly I'm so beat up I don't think I can stand up long enough to cook dinner. Maybe I'll talk the hubster into going out and I'll just order baked fish somewhere. I'll try for another 500 for dinner which will land me at about 1400 for the day. I really needed to burn 2400 to make my deficit. I'm going to have to rethink my method and routine and get back to the point where it felt natural to eat 1300 and burn 2300 each day. But right now my head is throbbing, I feel like I'm gonna puke and I just can't focus right now.

I tried to bring it, but I dropped it...and it broke! :P

Gearing up, P90x and yearning for Spring.

2011-01-03T14:54:00.004-05:00

158.2lbs (so much for that other pound I thought I lost!) to start 2011 with. I'm ok with that. I mean really, I'm shocked I lost anything at all. Thrilled. So, this is where I'm starting this round off.

I cancelled my Burn & Firm class in place of this new place the Hubster found me that has unlimited classes for $30 a month. Its way cheaper and offers far more options. I just hope I like it as much because I REALLY liked my Burn & Firm class. I'm not sure when I'll start going, but this week is as good as any.

I've done great on my diet today. I mean, I haven't had dinner yet, but so far its been good. The dh and I are gearing up to Start P90x in a few minutes. That's exciting. I'm hoping he likes it and that this is something we are really going to get to do together. He wants to loose about 45 more pounds, and I have 33lbs to go, so this should be fun. He's also eyeballing the Workout Warehouse I'm going to attend. The Hubster...SPINNING! That ought to be a sight! :P But he seems excited and gung-ho about loosing weight, and I'm excited to help him do it.

Its a gorgeous sunny day, deceptive really because you walk out side and your eyeballs freeze in their sockets, but it makes me yearn for spring and walking again. There is always the option of walking at the high school (across the street) in the evenings at 5pm (hello?? Dinner time anyone??) if I really wanted to. Maybe I can push the muffin in a stroller...hmm... Sigh. OMG!! I'm a MALL WALKER!!!! What is this world coming to? I'm getting old I tell ya, O.L.D!!

Well, I'm going to go get dressed in my new exercise clothes the Hubster bought me for Christmas, a size LARGE (Woot!!) and maybe spritz on a little body mist cause hey, they say that sweating and exercise raises your libido...I should be prepared! ;) Here's to kicking butt!! Look out Tony, I'm about to BRING IT (and my hubby too!!).

Excuse me, Life? Get outta my way!

2011-01-02T21:16:00.003-05:00

How many times have you said "life got in the way"? Well, I can tell you that life has certainly gotten in my way this past month. UGH! The nice part is that I'm so done with it. Move over! I need to get back on the war path, re-focused, re-committed. I've been having a hard time this past week with staying in control of my eating/snacking and frankly it makes me feel weak and out of control again. I don't like that. I like the fit chic who had taken over my life. I liked the power she gave me, the confidence, the results. This slug of a fatty cake chic who wants to hold me down and bind me up with her temptations of sugar and instant gratification can take a hike! I don't much like her anymore.

Tomorrow is the official weigh-in day. But Friday I weighed myself and was down to 157.2lbs which is a 2lb loss over this two week hiatus. I was SHOCKED! I thought for sure I'd gained. I'm guessing tomorrow will not show such a nice number since that's the way the cookies crumble around me, but hey, I made it through the holidays and still managed to lose weight...even if I screwed it up the last three days.

The Hubster is geared up and ready too. We are starting P90x again tomorrow. My knees have chilled out and I feel ready to tackle that again (armed with knee braces this time around). I also start my Burn & Firm class again this week, and I have plans to go try out a Zumba class on Wednesday with a friend of mine. This will be the last time I sign up for a community class though. My DH found a place around here that offers nothing but classes (so no treadmills and ellipticals) at $30/month for unlimited classes! That's exactly what I've been looking for! I'm geeked to give it a try. And I batted my eyelashes at my husbands aunt and she has agreed to watch the Muffin on days when I want to take a morning class. I'm super geeked! I get to have a trial class to see what I think, but I'm thinking this is going to be the way to go for the winter blahs! I dig taking classes, and I feel like I push myself harder when I do go. The Hubster seemed a bit disgruntled about my plans to go 7 days (because thats less of me he'll be seeing{no pun]), but I am really determined and committed to loosing this weight and I don't want to take a year to do it! I like the freedom and the choices something like this will offer me too. I'm not shoved into a rigid schedule, and if one day I'd rather do spinning instead of Zumba, well...I can.

I am anxious to get back into a routine. I love when the Hubster is on vacation, but it throws a wrench into my schedule and I have a hard time functioning. Seriously, I haven't done laundry in three weeks. We're getting desperate for undies around here! :s

My brother and his wife went in on a BodyBugg with me and the DH for my mother for Christmas. She's recently lost 10lbs (I can't tell you when my mother has ever lost ten pounds in the same year) and I am so geeked to get her started. I feel like she's looking to me for direction and motivation, which gives me purpose and motivates me!! Its a win-win sorta thing. I'm excited for the changes this year is going to bring into the lives of the fatty cakes around me! My dh is feeling pumped, my Mother is feeling pumped, I'm feeling pumped, my friends are pumped! Its a great feeling!

Side note. I went tubing the other day with a bunch of my family. My uncle took a ton of photos and posted them on FB. I had a huge moment of joy when I realized that one of the people in the pictures that I didn't recognize right off the bat was none other than MYSELF!!! That was a great moment! I keep saying I don't really notice the 20+lbs yet, but dang it if I didn't notice it in a picture of me! It truly was a wonderful feeling!

Another fun moment. I was on the phone talking to my brother, who though he is supportive in my weight loss, spent years pointing out my fat butt! Anyhow, I was getting dressed and every stinking pair of jeans I put on where too big! It actually bummed me out! My bro was like "they don't fit in a good way or a bad way?" when I said in a good way he asked why that was a bummer and I said "cause dang it, I'm running out of things to wear!!" Then we laughed because it really is a ridiculous thing to be upset about!

I'm off. I'm looking forward to the morning's weigh-in, even if it makes me groan. I'm ready to get back out there and kick some more butt. I'm ready to start my new classes, donate more clothes, wear my new Christmas clothes that all showed up in a smaller size than I am used to wearing. I'm ready to start feeling strong again and bragging all over here, facebook and twitter about my stellar days and my REAL fat losses. Thanks for sticking around and here's to another great year full of accomplishments, met goals and a new life!

Struggling

2010-12-20T09:45:00.003-05:00

I won't lie, its been a hard month or so. I'm really getting frustrated. I'm down 0.6lbs this week. My calculations say I should have burned enough extra calories to be down 1.3lbs. I know everyone says not to judge by the scale, we all fluctuate, yahda yahda. HOWEVER, this has happened for several weeks in a row now. So, its not just water. I'm not loosing, and that frustrates me because I am putting the time and effort in. No, most days I'm not killing myself, but I'm working my butt off 90% of the time. And I'm pretty spot on with my diet. So yeah, I'm feeling very overwhelmed and frustrated. I'm behind 9lbs now. That's a month. And then with this week being a ton of traveling and Christmas, I'm sure I won't lose anything this week either and I am going to try very hard not to gain!! But it makes me want to cry. I work so hard for such minuscule results, and I'm tired of hearing that when you have PCOS that's just the way it is. I'm having a lot of self pity and boo-hoo's this month about why it seems like I have such a hard row to hoe. And I don't, not really. I'm blessed with a wonderful daughter and a husband who tries so hard to be everything I need (most of the time). We have a good life, for the most part. I have a lot of family drama that brings me down, but then who doesn't. I have my dark little corners that really try to kick my butt this time of year. And maybe that's the real issue. Maybe its the looming sadness that is on the horizon and I'm really needing to have something to keep me smiling and offer me hope. A new chance at this life. I don't have room to deal with depression right now and I don't think I'm going to be able to outrun the shadow that is Logan. Its tiresome, always dealing with that loss. I am just feeling really beat up again lately and I really wanted to see some light shinning through my weight loss. Not to always feel like a failure, or behind. I just needed a reprieve.

Today I get to sign up for my exercise classes again, which I am going to do. Tues & Thurs I'm going to do the Burn & Firm class again because I loved it so much. I'm also going to sign up for a Deep Water Exercise class on Monday's (if the hubster doesn't mind). Then Wednesdays I'll hit the drop in Zumba class at the Roller Rink and hopefully be joined by my bud since my dh loves me enough to be willing to babysit all three kids while we Zumba. Sadly that only leaves me Fridays and the weekend to be home in the evenings. The times are at 6:30pm, which is so inconvenient being so close to dinner and toddler bedtime. But, I knew there were going to have to be some sacrifices along the way that I wasn't going to like. It just makes dinner a real challenge to make and get eaten early enough so that I don't get a gut ache in class, but late enough so that its actually dinner, and the hubster get's to join us. I'm still planning on the P90x. I had to give it a rest this past week because I'm having some serious pain in my knees, unlike the other kind of pain I used to get there, and I don't know if I hurt something or what. So, I had to skip my Thursday class (but we still had 2 other classes that week, so its a wash). Idid still do the P90x Kenpo X on Friday and it didn't seem to hurt my knees (other than a couple Runner's Pose Stretches) and I blasted off 400 calories that hour. I've been advised to use a knee brace (duh! But I seem to have misplaced them!!) and to not jump or do squats/lunges for a while. So... The P90x is still in the fire, just modified a bit for now.

I made a venison stew last night for dinner tonight, and was surprised to see how uncomplicated (but time consuming to prep the venison!!) it really was. The hubster tried it last night and said it was really good, so I'm happy to say that dinner is already made! :) Lunch, because once again its vacation time, is at the Pizza Buffet. Now, I'm not eating pizza. I'm having a grilled chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon and BBQ sauce and a half order of fries, which comes in at about 500 calories or so and is so decadent and delicious that I don't mind not eating the pizza all that much. But the smells kill me! It is nice to have that alternative though. My dh gets to enjoy his favorite pizza lunch, and I don't walk out of there 3000 calories up! But man, Old Chicago Pizza is insane!!

Tomorrow we are going out of town. The 21st through the 24th we will be at my brother's house. The nice part is I've already talked to my brother and SIL about my diet and exercise. My brother was sweet enough to make a spot for me in the basement, and rolled out some carpeting, so that I could do my P90x (which I'll prolly just do the Kenpo X for Maximum burn and put off the arms/legs resistance stuff till next week) and my SIL is waiting to go shopping until I get there so that we can shop together, and they both agreed to eat at home instead of eating out the 12 meals that will be required. So, I'm putting together a menu that will be easy to make but still good and they won't feel like they're on my diet with me. Like Potato Soup, which everyone there likes, and fish sandwiches, and chicken sandwiches and burgers...all of those fit into my calorie budget and all of those are considered normal by my brothers and the hubster. LOL!

So I have a lot to do to get ready. I'm sure I won't get much time to blog over the coming week. I hope everyone has a great holiday and keeps their sanity, and diet under control! Good luck. It won't be easy.

When all else fails, try to kill yourself!

2010-12-14T22:25:00.005-05:00

Ok, not really! But today I decided to bust my butt with the Burn & Firm class and even up my weights from 3lbs to 5lbs. It was weird how big of a difference that leap was. I burned 245 cals during my class today. I think she made it a lower intensity today since we have class three days in a row this week. She commented that I look stronger during class and show a lot of improvements (to which a few girls nearby commented on too). That made me feel good. I felt like I was getting better, but its hard to tell. Then I came home and did my P90x Kenpo X video where I burned 355 extra calories. That video kicked my butt! I was so determined to make it through the entire video though, and I did. So now I feel all proud and what not. I worked my butt off extra hard today and it didn't kill me. In the end I met my burn +100 cals. So, I'm taking my kudos and I'm going to go shower! Oh, and tell Lynnette she owes me yet another bow. :P

Stuck

2010-12-14T14:52:00.002-05:00

Yup. I'm stuck. I had to make sure, so I went back and looked at my loss chart on the right side here. I decided to add how much I lost each week, not just the number, that way I would see it loud and clear what the results were. As you can see the first several week I did great! But these past 4-6 weigh-ins have been lower than I'd like. The last three real low. I lost a pound this week. For some reason I thought I lost 2 or 3lbs. I mean the week I start P90x on top of my Burn and Firm class, and I have good diet days...I should have been down three pounds. That seems fair to me. One seems like a cruel joke. The week before I lost point two pounds. A quarter of a freaking pound!! The week before was 3/4 of a pound (but at least Thanksgiving and vacation were there to sort of excuse it). So in the last three weeks I've lost 2lbs! TWO! That's what I'm supposed to loose in ONE week. At this rate it'll take me till next fall to loose all of this bloody weight!

Its so easy to see why people give up. Why I gave up in the past. Its frustrating to bust your butt and to spend all of your free time (and some that's not so free) to exercise (which most of us hate in the first place!) and for what? Two lousy pounds after three weeks?? Its rude!! Next week will be 3 months. Three months that I have let my life revolve around counting calories and ways to burn them. I should be down 24lbs (in a perfect world) and instead I'll be down 18.6lbs at best. Behind by 5.4lbs. An extra 3 weeks added to my goal date. Its frustrating to see the light at the end of the tunnel and to strive for it only to see it slip further off.

So here are my thoughts with the emotion stripped away. About 4 weeks ago (maybe three) I quit walking because it was so bloody cold out. I'm not sure if that's a good enough excuse or not. When I was walking I managed to pull down 400-500 cals for about an hour and a half. I didn't feel like I was being tortured, and I actually enjoyed the quiet time. I'm disappointed to see that I don't pull in the huge numbers using P90x that I hoped I would. The elliptical is a joke in the end meaning I'd have to be on it for an hour and a half to see any real results. Now, I could go to the mall and walk, or the store, or the high school. I could even walk the track and the sidewalk during the day and just suck up the cold. I'm just tired of feeling miserable doing things I am supposed to do for the rest of my life. I wish this came easier for me. But since it's not going to, I'm trying to tell myself to just suck it up and do it. Like I said in my last post, maybe I'm just feeling moody or something these past few days.

The fact is this, I have to burn 3500 extra calories each week in order to loose 2lbs. Its just a fact. And in order to do this I have to know what I am burning (which I do, thanks to the Bodybugg) and what I am consuming (meaning I need to track everything ALL THE TIME). I've gotten lax with recording all of my calories lately. And when I don't record them I don't know the facts, and I also know that I tend to eat outside of my budget. In the end it means I don't really know how many calories I have in my deficit bank. And if I don't know, how can I be mad when I see a one pound loss? I also think I need to up my calorie intake to closer to the 1400-1500 calorie range instead of 1200-1300...which means I need to burn that many more each day. This is where I get lost. I have such a hard time pulling off 2300 cals a day, I just don't think I can invest the time to burn 2400 or 2500! But again, maybe I'm just whining. Like now, I could be doing my Kenpo X from Saturday, or my Arms & Shoulders workout that I was supposed to do today instead of sitting here on this PC moaning and groaning. Because in the end, I can only expect to loose the fat that I'm actually burning off! Who cares about water weight anyway?

Anyhow, I'm off. I have lots of stuff to get done today before my class.

Loosing Steam (and focus and drive and commitment)

2010-12-14T14:31:00.002-05:00

Sigh. Its been a rough several days. I'm having trouble staying focused and committed. I'm finding myself giving in to TV sit downs at night, giving in to not tracking my calories (though I am still staying focused and eating wise) ignoring my exercise...

WHY??

Well to be honest I think I'm tired. Physically, emotionally. I think I'm tired of feeling like all I do is work my butt off and for little or no results. I mean 20lbs is huge. BUT, I feel like I've been stuck here for the last several weeks. It's bumming me out. I feel like all I have time to do any more is exercise and find ways to burn calories. I'm starting to resent it. I miss my hobbies. I miss watching TV. I miss relaxing with the Hubster and not constantly being consumed with calorie counting and exercise. Its exhausting.

I was doing great at the P90x until Saturday rolled around. The only time I had a chance to work out was after 9pm, and frankly I was just too tired. I haven't "done" anything since Friday. Tonight is my Burn & Firm Class (and wed and thurs) so I'm hoping for some help there. Yesterday I burned 300 cals shoveling snow, which was the equivalent of an hour work out, so I felt ok there too, but then I didn't log my calories in the evening and I'm not real sure where I ended up. I've spent most of today working on a project on my PC, so I'm sure today's burn sucks!

Yesterday was my weigh-in and I was glad to see 159.8lbs. It feels so deserved, but I saw that number two weeks ago, so that's frustrating. More or less it makes me feel like I didn't really lose anything. Today is a good diet day so that's a bonus.

Next week starts a very long vacation time for my DH. He won't be going back to work until the third. That's a long time to try to fit in exercise and healthy eating when I have to work around him and his wants and desires, and around the inevitable holiday food and traveling. I feel like the next couple of weeks are just going to be a failure, so why even try?

On a brighter note my DH went out shopping with me and bought me a new yoga mat that is very cushiony so that I can try to do some of the bazaar moves on my tailbone, some yoga blocks, and a resistance band that has handles so that I can do some moves on the P90x with better results. He believes in me, and that's helpful.

Maybe I'm just being moody. I mean, its not like I'm giving up...I'm just complaining. Anyhow, I hope everyone has a good week and keeps on track during this maniacal season!

Just five more minutes please!

2010-12-10T08:14:00.003-05:00

Man! I am wiped out this morning! I had the hardest time getting out of bed. Mind you, that wasn't until 8am. Its not like I get up at 5am anymore to go to work. THANK GOD!! And seriously I get about 9-10 hours every night. But I am still just so tired in the mornings, and today was really rough!

I'm just glad I had left over Blueberry Lemon Poppyseed Scones from the other day. They are so delicious and 150 cals each. So, I'm having 2 and a glass of milk for breakfast. Frankly I was in no mood to eat cereal, and I'm too tired to stand at the stove and make the Cream of Wheat I was in the mood for. I really wanted a slimfast. Well really, I wanted the caffeine I add to it, but I have a pretty huge work out to do today (legs) and I need the stamina to make it through, I'm not thinking slimfast will cut it. I also made the best pot of potato soup I have ever made last night, and I have enough to have that for lunch today. So, I'm looking forward to not having to cook another meal at lunch. In fact, the DH said he wanted to take me out to dinner tonight (not quite sure what's gotten into him lately) so I'm lucky enough to not have to cook at all today! Which is nice since yesterday (because the DH was home) I made 3 meals from scratch and it took up a lot of my time!

I am still up 2.4lbs this week. Its hard not to curse at the scale. I have worked harder this week than any other week since September and I just don't get why the scale is so stubborn this week.

On a great note, last nights burn and firm class was awesome! I had fun while I was there, even giggling a bit (like a giddiness really, it was weird) and the class ended with me feeling like I could not only keep going, but that I wanted to keep going. I didn't stare at the clock the entire time. I didn't feel like I was going to collapse. I even did 99% of the hops and jumps! I left class feeling elated and accomplished! It was a great feeling! I am planning on taking my 5lbs weights along with me next week (we'll have 3 classes next week, a make-up) to add into my routine while I'm there. Improvements. That's what is keeping me going this week when I am feeling very frustrated about the number on the scale!

Guess I'll go brew some tea, hope for some caffeine in that and get started on some chores. I never seem to have enough time in my days anymore. I have an hour work out to do at some point after lunch, I am desperate to get laundry done and clean up the general clutter that has landed in my kitchen lately. So, I'm off. I hope everyone is finding time to stay fit and eat right during this busy time of year!

Day 3 on P90x and I've gained 2lbs! WTH?!

2010-12-08T22:29:00.003-05:00

Yup! After 3 days of a 1000 calorie deficit the scale told me I was up 2lbs this morning! Now, I don't know just how fast you "gain muscle" and I don't want anyone commenting on how muscle weights more than fat (or that I shouldn't weigh myself everyday)! WHAT-EV!! I want to see the number on the scale drop. Period. Morning had better find me in the 150's again or I am going to scream, kick, maybe cry but definitely pout ALL DAY!!

Anyhow, so I made it through day 3 on P90x Lean. If you're curious its through http://www.beachbody.com/ and afterwards I was twittering about my success and @yumyucky put up a fast finger click to get a free sample of Shakeology (from BeachBody)...I was not the fastest, even though I clicked in under a minute! But she's so super great that she is sending me a sample pack anyhow! Gotta love her! She blogs over at YumYucky and is one of my fav's, so you should definitely go check her out! Uh...where was I? Oh, yeah...P90x! So today was the Shoulder & Arms workout with the added bonus of the Abs Ripper X video. I liked the shoulder one. I mean, it was easy enough. I didn't feel like I was dying on most of the moves, and the hour went pretty quick. I'll definitely have to use the 5lb weights next time. The three pounders just didn't cut it today. The Ab video made a fool of me. Seriously. I mean, physically, due to a scar on my lower back, I can't do some of the moves. But there were a couple other moves I just. could. not. do. Why? Because I'm a weakling! Although, I will say that I was admiring my triceps this evening, post work out. They were all hard, and defined. I was all like "Yeah! Touch em. Go ahead. Touch em. You know you want to." I made the hubster touch them. He wasn't as enthusiastic as I was. Actually, he was kind of a grump to be honest. He's jealous. He wants my triceps. :D LOL! Sigh. But in the end, they still jiggle, and frankly I don't think a couple of weeks of weight training is going to make that sack of goo disappear. But eventually. And those are the days I am working for, and looking forward too. The eventually days.

So now I am going to take a moment to BRAG about my stellar achievements of yesterday. Yesterday I did a P90x Cardio workout AND went to my Burn & Firm class. YUP! I did. AND, I survived it. AND, I woke up this morning and could still walk. BUT, I was a tad sore, but just a tad. ;) Now, I wish I could find the post, but I do believe there is somewhere on here in the past month or so where Lynnette said that if I could pull that off, she would bow down and worship me (or something to that effect). Commence bowing please, for I am a GODDESS!!

Let's just see if I can do that again tomorrow. Argh! Thankfully tomorrow's P90x workout is the Yoga X...although I'm sure it'll be something EXTREME and weird!!

I tried something new for dinner tonight. Panko. Yup. I bought Cod (on sale at Kroger this week for $5.lb, woot!!) and I dipped it in egg, then Panko, then baked it for 10 minutes at 475! It was delish! In fact its been added to the rotation because my husband said it was "very good" which is pretty huge coming from the pickiest dude in the world! Ok, maybe he's not that bad, but its pretty rough! Anyhow I made roasted potatoes and broccoli with it too (all organic!!) and we had a salad. All that for under 500 cals. It was YUM-EEEEEEEE! Oh, and Panko, if you didn't know, are Japanese style bread crumbs. They're nothing fancy or weird, they're just a courser bread crumb which makes things a lot more crispy. I love them and will be making all sorts of yummy goodness using Panko!

Oh, and today (lots going on today) I got my very first box of Organic fruits/veggies delivered to my door from Door To Door Organics. I got my first box (small) for $6.50 instead of the normal $33 because it was my first time. If you are eligible for delivery from them let me know and I'll send you an invite where you can get 50% off your first order, and then I'll give you a code for and additional $10 off your first order because I am just. that. cool! Anyhow, how great is it to have groceries DELIVERED to your doorstep!? To me, that's the greatest thing EVER! Forget sliced bread, which frankly isn't such a great invention! I happen to like mine in chunks. So as you all have figured out by now, I am sure, I love organic produce...but I'm a cheap-o. I just can't stomach paying $82/lb for berries. I mean, in the end, I just won't eat them if that's the case. I mean, I don't eat truffles because I think its a bit expensive to charge a minimum of a grand per pound for a fungus that grows wild and pigs dig out. I mean, maybe they should be paying me to eat that. Afterall, they look like piles of cow doo. But, I know that the markets are trying to get more hip to the organic market (uh, although not MY Kroger, THANKS KROGER!!! Who has pulled 99% of their organic produce from the store!) but still. Most of the time I feel like I'm giving a kidney, and uh...I think I need those (that? Is there more than one? I didn't do well in biology!). Oh, and try to convince a very money oriented husband to allow you to buy milk at $6 a gallon! Whew! That took effort...and a kid! But now he's mostly on board. I mean, not for himself so much, but for the Muffin and I. Anyhow, because I am so miffed at my local Kroger for 86ing the organic produce section it just makes me all the more delighted that I am now having organic groceries delivered to my door! HOLY SMOKES! And they're planning on meat, eggs and milk in the future! I mean, when that happens, I won't ever have to shop at a real grocery store again!!! Ok, maybe once a month, but come on! The ideal way to eat is clean anyhow, and if it boils down to me making rice from scratch or getting Uncle Ben to do it after standing in line at the local super monster store...sorry Uncle Ben!! Because, yes, I hate to shop that much.

So I feel like I'm rambling, and I think it must be the post work out endorphins or something, but I am ON FIRE!! Sure wished I'd have gotten a higher burn out of my work out. I mean 250 cals is ok for 80 min, but Lynnette burns 355 doing just her shoulders and arms! HOW UNFAIR IS THAT?? I'm way fatter! I should be burning way more calories doing the same activities! THANKS PCOS!! I mean, I get that having PCOS means I have to work twice as hard for half as much results. I've read it time and again, and there just doesn't seem to be a way around it. Fine. So back in the day I would have lived through a famine because I have the super consume and store genes. But frankly, they can go now. I'm done with those genes and they can hop into the Goodwill bag right along with the other jeans I shrank out of! I just feel like sometimes you should get to have better results because you showed up. Like extra credit or something, ya know? I'm hear, I did the work, I busted my butt...what?? I'm still only going to get a C-? Come on!! Give me at least a B-, I SHOWED UP!! But whatever. I can't do anything about it but gripe (and I will continue to do that!) so I guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing and hope that my body gets a clue pretty soon!

Well sadly, even after all of my effort working out and another stellar diet day, I am still only going to pull in a 700 cal deficit for the day. Which just grinds me to the core, especially because at the onset it was pie to pull that sort of a deficit off with out a whole lot of effort. Just being alive did that for me! I so want to loose 2lbs a week. NO. I DEMAND IT! And if I could figure out a way to burn 300 cals in the next 30 minutes before midnight to get my count up, I would. A less than 1400 calorie intake is pretty dang good, especially when you're weight training. It just goes to show you that I need to be doing twice as much. But I've gotten to the point where I feel like I have used up all of my down time and now it is seriously eating into my responsibilities time. I'm having trouble getting anything done because I feel like my days are centered around logging calories, preparing and cooking healthy food, cleaning up, working out, showering... I mean, its starting to wear on me to not have any down time to watch a show or two or to scrapbook anymore. Forget reading anything. Sheesh! And I miss walking big time. But it gets dark so early now, and I just don't have the brass tacks it takes to walk in twenty degrees. And I just think it would be cruel to take the Muffin along too. Its just too dang cold. And I'm getting hacked because all of the classes I want to take are at 6:30pm. Which means I'm rushing through dinner, exercising on a full stomach, and not getting to put my daughter to bed. Forget spending any time with the hubster lately. We hardly see each other. Sigh. Its just a little frustrating is all, especially when I'm not seeing the results and progress I feel I deserve, or at least desire.

Alrighty peeps. I'm off. Its late and I'm afraid if I stay up too much longer standing here (three feet from the fridge) I'm going to have to eat something. I hope you are all having successes and feeling good about yourselves this week!

One more accomplishment to add to my list!

2010-12-07T09:12:00.003-05:00

So I started P90x last night. I spent some time on the BeachBody website poking around and found a routine made specifically for those who need to loose weight. So I chose to do that program. Its called P90x Lean. Anyhow, my first video was the Core Synergistics. I burned 200 cals for the hour. That number is not real impressive, however I will say that I did not do every move and I couldn't do all of the reps. Obviously its something you work up to. I wasn't sure what to expect, so I didn't push manically or anything. Today my video is the Cardio X. I also have my Burn & Firm class tonight. I don' want to stop going to that class, I really like it. It pushes me, and its fun. And that's the best thing to do, things you enjoy. I didn't hate the video, but you have to be a certain kind of person to push yourself when there's no one looking. Last night I was not that person. It was late, I didn't consume enough calories earlier in the day which made me dizzy and queasy, the Muffin was sleeping and I was trying to be quiet... I'm planning on doing my workout after lunch today so that I can see better results. I don't have enough room to do some of the moves, and that irritates me. Some of the moves are just ridiculous and I don't ever see myself being able to do! :) I'd love to know if anyone can do the Dreya Roll, especially like Dreya does them!!

I read a great post over on Prior Fat Girl today that I'm sharing with you all. Elle writes so nicely, and I really relate to her struggles. Today's post is about the earlier stages of weight loss, you know the one, where you are working your butt off, but its not really noticeable. Anyhow, scoot on over there and take a peek, its a good read.

I keep saying lately that I'm having trouble staying motivated and pushing myself. Trying to lose weight in the winter is really tough when you hate to "exercise". I mean, riding my bike, swimming, walking and general out door activities are great ways to burn calories and I enjoy doing all of these. I enjoy skiing too, and sledding, but right now its just bitter cold and no snow to speak of. Plus the clouds depress me. At least its sunny today. But I can't sit around waiting for summer again, especially since its so short here. I want to be at my goal weight in March, there is still snow on the ground that month. So I keep searching for new things to do. I looked into that Zumba class at the roller rink on Wednesday nights. Its taught by some top notch ladies and looks really cool...and intimidating to the max! Even worse, I think I'm going to have to go alone...and that sucks big time. I have a hard time breaking out of my comfort zone, and when I do it, I don't like to do it alone. But I did it with the Burn & Firm class and now I love it. I like that this Zumba class is a drop in class, I have a hard time with commitment. And I really don't want every day of the week tied up at a specific time, that's irritating. I also checked with my towns community center and found that there is a Deep Water Exercise class on Mondays that starts next month. So technically I could have a class every day of the week...but that commitment thing is really holding me back. I don't like paying for a class and then having to miss a few.

My knees have really been bothering me the past couple of days. I think I'm standing in one place too long. Like now, as I type this on my laptop, standing at the kitchen counter. So, I'm off to do shores and clip coupons and do other wifely duties before I make lunch (Potstickers) and then do my P90x Cardio video so that I can shower (apparently twice today), go to the store to buy some Cod (an attempt at baked fish sticks with Panko for dinner) and lull the Muffin into a deep sleep in the car so that I can cook dinner in silence, or maybe fold laundry without stopping every third shirt to see what she's getting into... life is good. :)

Drifting along

2010-12-06T12:39:00.003-05:00

So last Wednesday I hit my goal of 159lbs by the first (though it was really the third). It also means I weigh the same as I did the day I got married...8years ago. A huge accomplishment for me.

Then I got lazy? Tired? Fed up? I dunno, but I had a few off days this past week. To be honest its the cold weather. I just don't have any desire to walk in the frigid temps we're getting now. Its a horrid excuse. But its getting in my way and I am really going to have to focus on doing something each day that will still help me to see my burn target met, but keep me from getting frostbitten. The 30's is just miserable to me...I can't imagine what I'll do in January and February when we'll be in the teens and single digits. Gotta love northern winters. UGH! Anyhow, I sort of blew a few days last week, one of them being yesterday. So though I still burned enough to lose a pound of fat, this morning I weighed-in at 16o.8lbs or something ridiculous! And then I kicked myself, said a few choice words and had a Slimfast! LOL!

What are you gonna do? You can't change the past. So, I'm focusing on today and what I can do to recover from what seems like a nightmarishly long Thanksgiving debacle. I'm having a hard time coming back from the hiatus I took during Thanksgiving vacation. UGH. Lesson learned. NO MORE HIATUSES! (Is that even a word?).

I noticed that the local roller rink is offering Zumba classes on Wednesday nights (of all things!!). So, maybe I'll give that a try, if I don't have to wear skates! That would be so not cool! I was introduced to a new SAHM who I think would be a great fitness buddy, but I'd have to sign up at the YMCA (where they have child care and classes, so that's a plus) I think. I'm not real keen on that either. But I gotta do something in the winter weather that keeps me moving and motivated. I'm just afraid the P90x isn't going to be something I like, so I'm not thinking I'll stay committed to it, but we'll see I guess. I keep saying I'm gonna start it, I've yet to do that.

Today I signed up to receive organic fruits and vegetables delivered to my door. Its from Door to Door Organics (they service Michigan and Ohio) and I signed up through a friend and got 50% off my first order, plus then I found a coupon code for $10 off my first order. So my first box cost me $6.50 and they are bringing it TO MY HOUSE!! How cool is that?? I also got a lot of stuff in the box. We're talking 36 items people!! 36 ORGANIC items for $6.50 DELIVERED!! I mean, I'd still be thrilled if it was conventional, but organic?? That's huge! To not have to go to the store? I'm in! I wish they did all groceries. They have a few boxed items, but no meat or milk/eggs yet. But they will eventually! I can't wait! To have groceries delivered to my door? Sigh. Its too good to be true! Anyhow you can check to see if they deliver to your area yet. If they do, and your interested, let me know and I'll send you an invite so that you can take the $33/box for $6.50!! BTW, there are no obligations, weekly and bi-weekly deliveries, hold options and an easy no hassle cancel policy.

Well, today is laundry day, and my house needs to be straightened. Plus I need to figure out dinner and what I'm going to do today to burn calories so that I can see that 159 again this week...or maybe 158! :) But I need to stop messin' around and get started so that I can become the fat burning machine I know I can be!

Take THAT you Turkey Fat!!

2010-11-30T22:08:00.002-05:00

Today ended up being quite a successful day, aside from my funky mood. In fact, it got worse as the day went on, but I ate my dinner and I went to my Burn & Firm class and let that 72 year old teacher make a fool out of me...and I loved every minute of it! Even the ones where I had real live muscle fatigue and my legs actually quit working. Fast feet? Ever heard of that move? HA! And that woman was relentless with them! I got to the point where my leg literally would not move and my legs quivered and I just knew i was going down flat on my face...for all of the silver sneakers to snicker at!! And snicker they did, I just know it! One lady said to me after class, and I quote, "I got such a kick watching you work so hard trying to do those fast feet!" Uh, yeah, thanks lady! If I ever go down, be sure to kick me too! What-ev! Anywhodlies...I felt great after my class. I walked to and from there and burned about 400 cals overall. And on the way home I felt almost giddy and was singing (quite loudly, I might add) the Wizard of Oz song. It might have been from oxygen deprivation. I mean, I'm a dork. I admit it; but even that was pretty far out for me! Regardless of my current state of lunacy, I feel pretty dang good. 1) for having gone in the first place when I felt like crap and didn't give a hoot about my weight, and 2) because once I got there I busted my butt and put in 110% for the entire hour!

So tomorrow is a goal deadline. 159lbs by the first. Yesterday I was 161, so I'm not seeing a 2lb loss in 2 days (boy wouldn't that be dreamy!!), but water weight and hormones are weird...so I can't lie and say I'm not crossing every finger and toe and hoping against hope that for once my body cuts me a break (even if I don't deserve it!).

[gag] I stink! Whew! I need to go shower and get off of my very sore and tired legs. And dang it all if my back isn't hurting me AGAIN!! ARGH!! But I'm back on the wagon and so dang confident that I'm even holding the reins and screaming "yah!" at the horses!! BRING IT!!

Psst! Guess what...we DIDN'T start P90x tonight. Told ya! But, the hubster [she puffs up with pride] did do my Jillian Michael's Kickboxing video. He has also determined that he is "too out of shape" to start P90x and needs a few more weeks to work up to it. [deflates a little bit and might have taken on a reddish hue of embarrassment, but just a tiny one!]

Accessing the damage and recommiting.

2010-11-30T08:28:00.002-05:00

Ugh. I hate holidays and special events when it comes to dieting. As well as I've been doing these past couple of months, that little voice of rationalization wins at times. My thinking? Its Thanksgiving, it's once a year, I'll do better tomorrow. The problem is, with me, that once I've given an inch...I take a mile. Five "bad" days later...I'm angry with myself for giving in! I've been doing so well! What's wrong with me!? Why do I keep letting myself eat like I don't have a serious issue that I am trying to overcome?? One that I've battled so successfully for the last couple of months. Anyhow. Add the cycle on top and I feel pretty much screwed!

What's the damage? Nothing really. A week lost. ANOTHER week lost. I didn't gain anything, I didn't loose anything. Yesterday, my weigh in day, was also the first day of my cycle...so I get to add water gain, bloating, cravings, exhaustion and the general feeling of crappiness on top. Oh, and hormones. Those are always fun. They make me crabby (if you couldn't tell), and make me not care, and make me hungry and cravy and not want to cook. It's a bad few days. [she grumbles and moans] BUT, there is a ray of light. I lost 3/4" off of my butt. And the water weight/bloating added an inch to my boobs! It also did that to my belly...but hey, at least I get bigger boobs for a few days! LOL!

We STILL haven't started P90x. There just always seems to be a reason. >:( But the hubster swears tonight's the night. We'll see. And OF COURSE we would start when I feel so lousy. OH, and I have my Burn & Firm class tonight...so I don't know when he plans to do this! TURD! Yesterday he asked me to "really make an effort to cook dinner at home this week" (why is there not a stabbing emoticon??). Ok, I'll be honest and say that he asked me nicely, and with the qualification that it was his fault that the dinner I planned on making last night was thwarted because of HIM!! But anyhow, it makes things easier for me when he's on the wagon too. The eating out this kills me! I do awesome when we're eating at home. Throw in a restaurant to the mix and I really struggle. I should just learn to put my foot down and say "No way buddy!" instead of saying "sure" before he's even done suggesting we go out! LOL!

Anyhow, I'm at 161lbs now, so I guess I did lose 0.8lbs from last week. Yay. Cause frankly it could have been a lot worse. I'm a few weeks behind now, but I suppose April is just as good as March. I should've known at the onset that there would be times when I didn't loose any weight, for whatever reason. I'm just trying to remind myself why I am doing this, how much I love that I am doing this, I great I feel and that yes, it's a lot of work, but it'll be over soon enough!

Sigh. I'm feeling very stressed out today.

I borrowed 3 new audio books from the library this morning. I'm hoping they get me through my long walks. I really enjoy listening to books (as long as the readers are good. The chic who read Twilight...not good!). The last book I listened to was Ever. I prefer young adult books. It was cute enough. Not quite as engrossing as Twilight, but the readers were really good, so that was a bonus.

I'm making this soup for lunch. The last time I was at the store they had a ton of fresh mushrooms marked down to pennies for quick sale. I sliced and sauteed them and froze them. I figured hey, if the green giant can do it, I can to! So now I have lots of frozen mushrooms. It was a lot of effort though. Anyhow, I'm in a really foul moody today, and I am hoping the Barley Soup brightens my spirits. I'm adding some left over steak chunks to it for added oomph.

Frankly all I feel like doing is complaining and griping today, so I think now that I've had a yummy Trader Joe's Dark Chocolate and Caramel Wedge for 30 cals, its time to do dishes and laundry and get out of my funk before tonight's Burn and Firm class. I hope everyone had a great holiday and that you are back on track this week (assuming you are weak like me!) lol!! Here's to a positive week and a determination to lose my 2 blasted pounds! Slowly but surely, and I am getting there. Patience. Determination. Perseverance. Consistency.

Today is a day for breaking records! AWESOME!

2010-11-21T22:09:00.004-05:00

Go ahead. Feel free to use the word awesome when you think of me. The dictionary defines the word awesome as inspiring awe: an awesome sight. That is what you should think of when you think of me. I. Am. AWESOME!

I know one could break their own arm patting themselves on the back, but I'll take my chances today. Besides, I'm sore enough, so what's one more area?!

Today was a day for breaking records. Today I walked about 8 miles in the evening alone. I walked home from Kroger with the Muffin in her stroller, and 15 minutes later I walked out the door and proceeded to walk around the high school 6 times! A record!! I managed to pull in a 6cal/min burn while walking the big block and have ended the day with over 20,100 steps! TWENTY-THOUSAND steps in one day! That's twice the recommended, and four times what is normal for me on days I don't "got for a walk". 20,100 steps in one day is also a record, my previous being in the 17,000 step range. Distance record, ka-ching! Step record, ka-ching! Record of aching parts in my body?? Ka-ching! :) But its so worth it! I'll end the day with 2600 cals burned, a deficit of over 1200 cals...again. I feel so empowered its weird!

Tomorrow is the planned Olive Garden feast. LOL! Well, I'm planning it, and its going to be a feast. But I have decided to enjoy lunch there (1 salad, 1 breadstick and 1 soup = approz. 1,200 cals) and just have Slim-Fast for Breakfast and Dinner. I planned it early in the week so that I'll have more time to burn it off! I also plan on cleaning the house tomorrow (DH willing!!) and then we are also starting P90x...and I am hoping for a 600 cal burn like Lynnette gets! If not, guess I'll walk that night too! >:(

Sigh. I'm trying not to get discouraged and down on myself. This morning I had only lost a half of a pound, when I burned enough to loose over a pound. Tomorrow is the official weigh in day, and after today's big burn I am hoping for those 2lbs, but given the past few weeks and how hard it is for me to come by a loss like that, I'm trying to not get my hopes too high up. I keep loosing inches, and that's a big deal, so I'm trying to focus on that for the most part. Maybe I do have to work harder since I have PCOS, maybe it'll take me longer than first planned. Oh well. Its still gotta get done. Being overweight isn't helping anything. And frankly, at this point, loosing 18lbs seems pretty incredible to me...55lbs is still a long way off, but its getting closer and that number is dropping. I'm down to needing to loose only 37 more pounds until I reach my goal weight!

Get this!! I was just updating my weight on the progress chart to the right here and noticed that last week I DID loose 2lbs! All week long I thought I only lost a half of a pound, but that was the week before. HOT DOG!! (No, not that nasty nitrite filled thing posing as meat!) So, suddenly I don't feel quite so down! :) In fact, I'm down right euphoric!! Who knows, maybe I'll get that much deserved 2lb loss this week too and I'll get to see that 161 on the scale in the morning! That would be awesome! Yes, AWESOME! There's that word again! Unfortunately, I don't stand a chance of hitting my goal of 155lbs by the first. The closest I'll get is 159lbs. But, I'll take that too! I was 159lbs the day I got married...8 years ago! :D MAN! I can not stop grinning tonight!! So what if I have to tweak my goals now and then. March 21st is only 2 weeks later than my original goal. Besides, maybe I'll be able to make it up along the way? Maybe after I start this P90x I'll be loosing 3lbs a week! Wouldn't that be AWESOME!?! That would push my goal date up to Valentine's Day! YES! THAT WOULD INDEED BE AWESOME!!

Did I mention I was starting P90x tomorrow?? I better go get in bed! I'll need all the energy I can muster tomorrow!! Gotta burn off that Olive Garden Feast! LOL!

Vacations are death traps! PCOS and the Funny Fat Girl, I Am Not!!

2010-11-19T20:22:00.000-05:00

The hubster is on vacation now! Argh! I love him being home, BUT...his presence makes it hard to stick to my normal routine, and makes us want to go out to eat to all of our favorite lunch hubs! Not good! I managed to survive today, by sheer will and the skin on my teeth! Not that he wouldn't be cool with my refusal to go out, but sadly its sort of what makes his vacations fun. Its what we do. I know we should try to find other things that can be "what we do" but I like this. Anyhow, I survived today. We have a soup and salad day at the Olive Garden, which I just love. But that'll cost me about 1200 cals for a soup, a salad and a bread stick. Sigh. That's a day for Slim Fast! :s Then we have a special place about an hour from here that we're going to go, then of course Thanksgiving. I guess I'll be busting my butt trying to burn some serious calories this week! I'm desperate to see 2lbs this week and the next!
I've been doing some reading on PCOS this week. Sigh. I've decided I need a second opinion for this diagnosis. I mean, having PCOS explains a whole lot, but frustrates the crap out of me when it comes to weight loss. I don't like what I've read and its effects on weight gain and the inability or extreme difficulties in losing weight. It makes it feel like a no win situation! I mean, obviously I can win, I've been doing it, even if its taken me longer and I feel like I am busting my butt for such minute results. I guess it does make me stand a little taller knowing that I am winning, even when the deck is stacked against me! I keep going and I work my booty off for those measly 2lbs each week whilst my body puts up the best fight it can to sabotage me. But I will not go quietly into the night! I refuse to just sit back and accept that I'm supposed to be a fatty because something along the way got jacked up. That's BS man! Watch me do it! I will lose this weight once and for all, even if I feel tortured along the way and its painstakingly hard to maintain it once I'm there! I hate being overweight! I refuse to be overweight and I refuse to let some "syndrome" dictate how I will be, and who I am! I am NOT that "funny fat girl", I will not play that role.
Are you letting something or someone else dictate who you will be? How long will you allow that to continue? What are your plans at defeating that inner "fat kid"? Inquiring minds want to know! ;)
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Stay strong, stay focused

2010-11-19T12:06:00.000-05:00

These are the words I am repeating to myself over and over again as I sit at Old Chicago Pizza drooling, waiting for my chicken sandwich, watching the hubster eat what I consider the worlds most awesome pizza. Sigh. They have a lunch pizza bar for $7 or something that is only during the week...and David is rarely off to enjoy this special treat! I agreed to come, determined to stay on track, and get a chicken sandwich. Their cheese pizza has 457 calories per delicious slice! I quiver just thinking about it! And here I sit! Drooling, smelling, tortured...but staying strong! Oh! My sandwich is here! Sigh, yum! It looks insanely delicious! I love food!
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Thanks Nintendo

2010-11-18T14:36:00.000-05:00

Well, at least my goal of 120lbs and or a 20 BMI isn't out of the question in Nintendo's opinion! Oh thank God! Lol
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Running, Logan's & P90x

2010-11-18T11:24:00.003-05:00

Psst! Are you checking out Lynnette's fitness journal there on the left? She's been writing short synopsises of her daily workouts there until she gets a chance to join us here again. Go check it out and give her the support and kudos she needs and so deserves! She's been doing great using P90x!!

So. I have to take a few minutes to BRAG my butt off about what I did last night. Lynnette will love this too! I RAN! Seriously. RAN. I don't mean jogged a bit and walked a bit, I flat out ran my butt off and for quite a distance each time. I did this 7 or 8 times. It was nuts! I ran the entire length of the two roads that go vertical on my block walks around the high school. I used the Fitness Maps Tool on SparkPeople to find out the distance recently and found that a block is just over 1 mile. So that's good to know. Most nights I walk 4 miles, and on occasion 5. COOL! Anyhow so the distance down the side road is 0.16 miles. Multiply that by 7 and I ran a total of 1.12 miles!! I need to take a bow here because I can assure you this is a LIFE LONG record. I didn't even run as a kid when I was skinny and full of energy, so I know with out a doubt this is a record. I even got a D in gym class in high school because I refused to run the track! Anyhow, it was crazy weird! I kept my head up and felt like I had control over my run instead of flopping around. I ran the length of the block and when I hit the end I was very winded. I have stress asthma that I've never challenged or tried to train into coping, so I quit running because my lungs hurt...not because I was tired. LOL! My shins hurt a little while I was running, but not after and not now. I never even got a side cramp (a first)! I managed a 6.5 - 6.7 cal/min burn (WOOT!!) for the hour and 15 or so that I was out there. Sadly though, I still pulled in less than 500 total calories. Earlier that evening I also marched in the house wearing my 3lbs ankle weights for 20 minutes and burned 140 cals. LOL! It started out as a joke and playing with my daughter, then I saw that I was burning 5cals/min and I wondered how long I could sustain that. I quite after 20 minutes because I had to put her to bed and she demanded that I stop marching! Toddlers. Sigh. Everything always has to be perfect. Anyhow, I could have kept going, but that's when I decided to go out for a walk since it was a nice evening. I also walked earlier in the day while pushing the Muffin and got an extra 200 cals doing that. One would think that after ALL OF THAT WORK I would have blasted off the calories. I am here to say NOPE! Seriously. After all that effort, and all of the standing I do all day long (seriously! I only sit to eat and THAT IS IT! From the time I wake up, until I go to bed!!), and wearing my 3lb ankle weights for hours on end, I burned less than 2500 calories for the day. Normally that would have been a 1200 deficit for me...but...[she looks down, slightly embarrassed] we went to Logan's for dinner and I did not do wonderfully. Now, I did do better than I would have a few months ago. I didn't have any bread (at 227 cals ea. according to LiveStrong.com), I got a 6oz Sirloin (their smallest), grilled mushroom skewer and a salad with Ranch. I forgot they put cheese and bacon on it, which was good, but I could have skipped those. Sounds ok right? Well the problem came when we got their "2 can dine for $19.99" special which included an appetizer and a dessert. Sadly it was a miscommunication between my DH and I. I thought he wanted it, he thought I did....blady blah. Anyhow, I did eat some onion petals, maybe a 1/3 of the bucket...I hope. I also took a 1 oz slice of the cheesecake (a normal sized bite ya'll!). The issue is that its nearly impossible to guesstimate the calories there. No thanks to Logan's, who does NOT have nutrition info anywhere and when I sent them a request by email I was told there was none. That's a huge bummer and makes me want to avoid eating there since I just don't know. Anyhow, my guess is that I had about an 800 cal deficit for the day. 200 short of where I need to be. Sigh. Oh, and btw, Sparkpeople is probably the closest fitness calculator I've found online so far. It usually is pretty close to what the Bodybugg tells me I burned.

Anyhow, so today I have my Burn & Firm Class. YAY!! I've had to miss the last two classes because of my back and I am really looking forward to tonight's class. The Muffin is also at her grandparent's house for the afternoon and though I have a ton of chores I really desperately need to get to, once again I am putting those on the back burner and plan to spend the day trying to burn calories. Its getting obnoxious. But I thought I would pull out the Wii and do a few things on there, see how many calories I burn doing the Wii Fit or EA Sports Active. I might even jump on the elliptical today for a bit, slide in a few extra calories. I also have to mail some packages, so there's a 40 min walk this afternoon. I'm not in the mood to eat, so I'm seeing a Mocha Slim Fast in my future, which actually makes me almost giddy. But anyhow, now that I'm burning about 1.3 cals a minute while I stand, almost half of what I was burning last month (and what I used to burn while sitting) it takes a whole lot more effort to burn calories these days, meaning I've got to try something else...

P90x. There that is again! But alas, I digress. I know that in order to get my burn rate up I need to have lean muscles. P90x comes highly recommended by so many people I know, and now that I have it, there really isn't any excuse to not do it. So, since the Hubster is off of work all next week because of Thanksgiving, and because we are stay home this year instead of traveling, we've decided that we will start the P90x program on Monday. That way he can be really sore the first week while he is at home. I'll be half way through my burn & firm classes by then, so I think I can hack it. But I'll probably use those classes as my cardio and skip the cardio DVDs on those two days per Lynnette's recommendation. Anyhow, get ready to listen to me moan and groan about being sore! But dog gone it! I'm sick and tired of how long this is taking me and how freakin' hard I have to work just to get 2lbs of fat to come off each week!

Anyhow, I'm giving myself an hour to putz around on the PC and then I'm gonna start playing with the Wii (and convince myself NOT to play Zelda!). I hope everyone has a successful day!

Skipping class and excuses not to walk

2010-11-16T23:37:00.003-05:00

My back is still an issue. Sigh. Its an issue that is fading, but I thought I needed to sit out tonight's class and wait till Thursday. I still feel like a knife is being stabbed into my left butt cheek when I stand up after sitting, and bending over still isn't possible. I intended to walk this evening, but I neglected to look at the forecast and Mother Nature decided that my town needed a bath. So... I don't walk in the rain. Not that I couldn't have done something mild inside the house (like walking in circles), but I opted to clean up my scrapbook room and work on organizing my coupons instead.

I feel refreshed and I feel accomplished. Part of the issue I am am having with this whole "get in shape/loose weight" thing lately is that it consumes such a major part of my life. I walk for about 2 hours each day, I spend massive amounts of time cooking and then entering in my calories, and then cleaning up from that mess. Seems like I have little time for anything else. Which frustrates me. I keep trying to remind myself that its just for a few months and then I can go back to scrapbooking or watching shows when all I have to do is maintain and not try to churn out a 1,000 calorie deficit each day. But, I still grumble about it. Maybe if I got up when other adults my age did, instead of taking advantage of my daughters bazaar sleeping hours, I would have extra time to burn and then play. But I am the worse morning person. I'm not a grump or anything, I'm just a zombie and it takes a whole lot to get me to wake up in the morning, much to my toddlers dismay.

Its supposed to rain in the morning tomorrow and then clear up, so I am planning a pretty huge walk tomorrow to kind of make up for today. My burn is at about 800 cals. Not awful, but not 2lbs/week worthy. Gotta make up those 2lbs somewhere. Hoping to see 161lbs on Monday.

I've lost over a foot of fat!!!

2010-11-16T09:43:00.003-05:00

Well, when your down look for the brighter side, right?! I weighed myself this morning and luckily I did lose something! I'm 163.2lbs now. No, its not the 2 lbs I wanted or even the pound and a half I thought I deserved, but its a loss, so that's something. I measured myself again this morning and was pleased to see more shrinkage going on. In the past two months I have lost a total overall of 12.25" of body fat! People!! That's over a foot of fat! It's hard to believe. I thought I'd bore you all and break it down for you.

Neck 1/2"

Chest 2 3/8"

Upper Arm 3/4"

Fore Arm 3/4"

Waist 3 1/4"

Hips 2 1/2"

Thigh 2" off of each one!

Calf 1/8"

I dunno, it seems like quite a difference to me, especially for two months. I'm down a pant size, in 2 to 3 notches on my belt, down a total of 14.2lbs (16.8lbs total) and I can walk for hours with out tiring instead of a half hour. I've also started an hour long circuit training class that I can get through (for the most part). When I go back and look at how far I've come, it makes the last couple of slow weeks sting less.

I'm proud of what I've accomplished.

I can make it through the next couple of weeks on that motivation alone! I'm about 2 weeks from seeing the 150's, a number I haven't seen in over 8 years!! I'm about 5lbs from a new pant size, I don't even own any size 12 pants anymore!!! I long ago gave up that dream! I need to stop getting down on myself for things I can't control and start worrying about those I can. Next time I need to have an off day because my back is injured (since I'm sure that'll happen again), or I have an injury somewhere else, I'm not going to give in to the pain and try to soothe it away with junk food. Even on days where I can't meet my burn, or go to a class, or take that walk, I'm going to stay diligent on my intake and not throw it all to the wind like I did this past weekend and the few days prior to. Because every little thing counts. Every little effort piles up into bigger ones. That 2 minute stint running up and down the stairs, just because...wearing the ankle weights all day...washing the windows or cleaning or doing laundry...IT ALL COUNTS! Just like enough dollar bills make a fortune, enough ounces add up to a whole lot of pounds lost.

Today I move forward and treat myself like the champion that I really am and stop looking into the mirror at a failure, because she's not there anymore!

Don't count me out just yet!

2010-11-15T22:00:00.002-05:00

Just in case you were rolling your eyes and thinking "Here she goes again!" with the whole falling off the wagon thing, let me just say this...

If I fell off that wagon, I sure as hell didn't let go!!

Tonight I put on my brand spanky new 3lb ankle weights (that's three on each foot, and yes, it feels very weird!!) and went for a very long walk. I surpassed my 10,000 step goal for the day, I burned about 500 cals on my walk and will have blown past my 1,000 calorie deficit for the day!

No. Don't count me out just yet! I'm not about to give up.

Good intentions just aren't good enough!

2010-11-15T18:44:00.004-05:00

Well, I had the best of intentions for this past weekend at Lynnette's. Let's just say it didn't go as planned. Between my back hurting last week and then the few days with Lynnette and the hub-bub surrounding my trip...I didn't do well. But overall in the past week I did have an overall deficit of 4,700 calories or so. That should give me a loss of about a pound and a half this past week. We'll see. I was supposed to have had that last week too, but it never did show up on the scale! Sigh. I didn't get to weigh-in this morning because I didn't get home till the evening, but I'll weigh in in the morning and hope for the best.

My intake for today was good. 1100 calories in, and about 1800 calories or more out (if I don't go for a walk). My burn since Thursday has been disgraceful. Its still early enough in the evening, and the hubster isn't here to thwart my intentions, that I should go for a walk with the Muffin and burn some extra calories. The sad part is that in the past two months I haven't had much of a chance to just sit and poke around on the PC or do odd ball stuff that I like...and it's a huge temptation to do that now instead of going out to burn more calories. But, alas, I know what I should do.

While at Lynnette's house I bought some 3lb ankle weights for $8 from Marshall's! How awesome is that?? I'm thinking I might wear those on my walk tonight and see how that feels. My class is tomorrow and I am hoping that my back feels healed by then so that I don't have to miss another class, and so that I don't re-injure it!

Last Friday I went on a huge binge. It was terrible. I ate a lot of calories in the afternoon and didn't even feel like I had eaten anything. I was in so much pain, and I reverted back to that food=comfort mentality again! I hate that!! The good news is that I didn't give in to the Soda. Back in the day I would have drank a lot of Soda, but I did manage to resist that.

Anyhow, I'm really bummed with the last two weeks and am hoping that I can whip it back into shape this week. I am going to put it behind me and do the best that I can from this point forward. I can't change the past two weeks, but I can stay focused and have a stellar week and stay on point.

I just hate that I am behind on my goal, and am probably not going to make my goal of 155 by December first. Sigh. I'm still going to bust my butt and try for it, but loosing 9lbs in the next two weeks is not going to happen. It isn't healthy, and it shouldn't even be strived for. But if it DID happen miraculously, well who am I to argue?

Here's to hoping and charging forward to loose the 2lbs that I'm slated for this week, and to worry about the rest later.

Inevitable

2010-11-12T09:35:00.000-05:00

I guess it was bound to happen, I was on a roll. It was inevitable! I am side lined again! Last week's back spasm never completely went away and I made it much worse yesterday when I was cleaning up my garden for winter. I couldn't walk last night and I had to miss my burn & firm class. I was so bummed. Luckily I had burned enough to get to my deficit. Today is a different story. I can barely walk! The sad part is that I have a ton of stuff to do today to get ready for this weekends trip. I'm going to visit Lynnette. Its been forever! Normally I'd be terrified that I would screw up my diet, but I've been so focused and determined lately that I'm only marginally nervous. It helps that Lynnette is on board and excited to help me out. So I'm counting on her to walk with me so that I can still meet my deficit each day! But today will be hard to burn a thousand extra calories. That really frustrates me! I already am behind on my loss schedule, I really wanted to loose my 2lbs this week. The nice part is that I am refusing to let the day go and eat for comfort. I am determined to stay on track during the healing process. I'll just have to keep my intake a bit lower and try to move as much as I can. Wish me good luck!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Focused

2010-11-11T13:58:00.003-05:00

“But someone, somewhere, saw something. And that will probably do for a bit longer.” -Mrs. Spit

I read that this afternoon on another blog I like to visit quite often. She was referring to a compliment she got on her weight loss progress from a co-worker (she's lost 40lbs!!). And it occurred to me that sometimes it is so hard to see the loss for ourselves, the hard work and effort put forth, and its nice to hear when someone else notices. Sometimes its exactly what we need to get up and go to the gym, or turn down that cookie…

I don't notice my loss, not yet anyhow. I mean 16lbs out of 55lbs isn't that much to notice. A drop in the bucket perhaps? But the hubster notices. And my sweet friends (who, it has occurred to me, might just be being nice) say they see it. My mom commented that she really noticed it in my butt, which really just left me feeling weird. Stop staring at my butt mom!! But when I stand in the mirror I only see little bits of loss. My stomach is a little flatter, my legs? Maybe. But really, its hard to see it. For me, anyhow. So I have to agree, when someone notices, it gives me that extra little shove, that extra umph I need to get through that day, maybe a few extra ones too.

I trod forward. I keep my eyes focused on Rudy, on the Muffin, on the delight of the Hubster. I keep my eyes focused on the Spring when I will no longer have to fight so hard, but probably won't mind it so much at that point anyhow. Focused. Moving forward. Not wavering. Not giving up. Not giving in.

Focused.

Wrapping up class number two!

2010-11-09T21:20:00.002-05:00

Ok, today's class was tough and I felt [feel] it all over. I'm wiped out, and sore! I had a hard time keeping up with the class today, and I didn't bounce nearly as much as I did last week. I still managed to burn 350 cals in that hour though. I'll be pulling down another 1200 calorie deficit for the day, which is super nice. So much for that 1500 I dreamt about! HA! Guess I'll just have to suck it up and accept the schedule change. Maybe I'll get lucky and loose three pounds this week anyhow.

Except that my back is really hurting again. Sigh. Let's just hope its better in the morning. Or at least by Thursday when I have another class. I'm glad I signed up for the two classes in one week, but I think I will certainly be paying for it. I should certainly be putting on lean muscle mass at this point. I mean, I get that its only 3lb weights, but ouch! I am such a weakling! My instructor (who is in her 70's!!!) puts my to shame ya'll! SHAME!

Tomorrow we're going to the zoo with some friends. It won't be much of a workout, and it will exhaust me, but I'm hoping for a high burn tomorrow too. Maybe I can talk her into going for a walk after dinner! LOL!

Ok, I hurt too much to be standing here, and there is laundry that needs to get folded, a shower to be taken and a house to be straightened up. So, I'm off. Hope everyone had a successful day!

A little about how I got here.

2010-11-09T08:56:00.003-05:00

I decided to write about something other than how peeved I am about my lack of loss this week (and believe it or not I am up a pound this morning after having a 1300 deficit yesterday!! WTH!!?).

Nicole left a comment on an earlier post this week that got me to thinking, "When was the right time for me to start loosing weight?".

For me, I've realized that there just wasn't a right time. I haven't always had weight issues. As a kid I was fairly slim until about Jr. High when I was a little thicker than the other kids (but by no means fat) at which point I decided to start dieting for the first time. At the tiny o' age of 12. It makes me sad to think about now. Worrying so much about my weight at that age when really I didn't have a clue and didn't know where to start. Which started the long road down a path that got me nowhere in the end. Sad. Anyhow, I "dieted" off and on through out my years in high school. My senior year I took it to an extreme (unknowingly) eating very little and using diet pills. Looking back know I don't think I consumed more than 800 calories for about three months. I lost the thirty pounds I was aiming to loose for a beauty pageant I was in. I weighed 104lbs. I thought I did this great thing! I won't go into all of the details, but it wasn't a great thing and I ended up messing my body up pretty bad, with permanent issues. I was not Anorexic. Anorexia is a very serious disorder and I would not dare to classify myself with those poor woman and girls (and males too) who struggle with Anorexia Nervosa. I don't think I was sick, just young and ignorant. College wasn't much better. I tried to "get healthy" and put on 10lbs. Then I joined a Weight Training class with an instructor who had never had a female in his class. I bulked up and was eating like a horse, the class ended, the eating didn't. Good eating habits that hadn't really ever been established, nor the need for being active (exercise was a punishment) gave way to my twenties where I started putting on weight at an alarming rate. Check your Thyroid alarm. I put on 40lbs in my early twenties while working insane hours at a miserable desk job. I was exhausted 24/7 and relied on a lot of soda and coffee (loaded with hot cocoa) to get me through the days. Horrified, I started eating those nasty diet frozen meals. I didn't get that the pop and the constant sitting where the big issue there. I started walking at lunch (about 15 minutes a day) and sat for 12 hours, went home went to bed got up and did it all again the next day. I started dieting, I started exercising. I even joined a gym. Nothing helped. Because again, I just didn't realize the amount of calories I was taking in vs. the amount I was burning. Then I got married. Sigh. With in three months I put on another 50lbs. Here I was at 198lbs (at 5'3") and absolutely miserable, and frustrated. I just didn't get what happened. By this point I was habitually dieting, and falling off the wagon. Doing great for a few days and then sabotaging myself. One giant cycle of failure after another. My dh was the same way. Together we were a disaster when it came to self control and food. He put on a lot of weight too (though took off about 70lbs a couple of years ago). A couple of years in I started seeing a physical therapist for some headache issues. He told me to go for a walk. A walk to help burn off the stress I was bottling up, not a walk to loose weight or get in shape, just a walk to make my headaches go away. I was desperate for relief from my 5 years of headaches and was willing to try anything. I walked every day. I sauntered. I walked 30 minutes up to grab a Slurpee. I walked 40 minutes to go grab stuff for dinner from the fruit market. I walked an hour to return movies to the video store (a walk that now seems like a joke but back then was a huge accomplishment and VERY tough!!). BUT, I didn't do it to loose weight. I did it because I thought I was loosing my mind over these headaches. Three weeks in the headaches were gone. I kept walking. I walked all summer. Somewhere in there I realized I was loosing weight, so I started trying to pay attention to what I was eating. Not crazy dieting or pills or weird syrupy drinks (Remember Vim and Vigor! UGH!), just eating a little less. Having less soda, less cookies, less snacks in general. At this point I was a housewife, and unemployed. I didn't have the crazy schedule, the stress, the exhaustion. It was easier. I lost 40lbs that summer. That winter my dh bought me the elliptical. I used it every day for 3 months. I gained weight. Luckily I lost in the measurements or I would have really been mad. Then I got pregnant. I gained 30lbs and lost it all in the first 2 months of nursing. 4 months later at exactly the same weight I was when I got pregnant the first time, I got pregnant again. I gained 6 pounds in the six months I was pregnant with my son. Then he was stillborn. I gained 13lbs because I just didn't care anymore. That's where the blog picks up and the whole world had access to watch me struggle with depression and trying to loose weight. For a year and a half I was a disaster on the diet front. I splashed it across these pages to humiliate myself into taking action. I'd do good for a few days, a week, then I would crash and burn. It was a vicious cycle. Even for 6 months after getting the Bodybugg I continued on in this fashion. I was a dieting disaster. I kept looking for the perfect motivation. The perfect time. I kept waiting for this magical will power to kick in. Anyone who has ever lost a significant amount of weight will tell you that there came a day when it all sort of clicked. A day when they'd had enough. Their "ah-ha" moment. In mid September I got mine. I finally felt like I had conquered the depression. I started to realize that should I ever decide to have another baby, at 33 years old I had better get moving. Because now my main focus became giving the next baby the healthiest possible start to life. My son died from complications with Down Syndrome, so there wasn't anything I could have done about that, but there is always that "what if" voice in the back of my head. What if being fat didn't help? What if being unhealthy made it worse? And that was that. On that day I decided that I HAD to loose this weight and get in shape. I didn't have a choice. I had to do it for the new baby (coyly refereed to as Rudy, its an inside joke), if there was going to be a new baby, that baby deserved the BEST start, and that started with me. I haven't looked back. This past Saturday was the first "screw-up" I had since I started in September. So this morning reading Nicole's comment it dawned on me, there really wasn't ever the perfect time to start. I kept waiting, looking, pleading...only to find that this very moment was the time. NOW. Because tomorrow never came. There was never going to be this perfect moment to start my new life. If you're looking for the right time in your life, it'll never come. There will always be reasons and excuses to put it off. Be it your schedule, the holidays, a special event, a Tuesday...whatever, there will always be a reason to put it off, to start tomorrow or next Monday. Some people, like me, need huge motivation. I had to look for mine, but I found it. Find your motivation, your reason for success and grab hold of it! Otherwise you'll look back on the last year, the last decade, your lifetime and find that you lost it all because you were sitting around waiting for the perfect moment to start your new life. I lost my entire 20's! My mother has lost the last 20 years. How many have you lost? How many will you continue to loose because you're waiting? I made the conscious decision to be done waiting for the last time. I'm done. I'm on my way to a healthier body, a skinnier body. Stick around, I'll be a sight of wonder come March, just you wait and see!

How am I doing it?

Well first I have to give props to the Bodybugg. The Bodybugg is this awesome little device that I wear on my left upper arm all day. It counts the amount of calories my body burns and the amount of steps I take through out the day. Having the facts makes it a lot easier to know where to start. Sadly I burn about half of the calories that the online references say that I do, and about half of what my elliptical says. BUT, knowing this also helps me to know what I can do to off set that. I have a 2lb fat loss goal a week, so I need to burn an extra 1,000 calories a day above and beyond what I eat (since 1lb of body fat is 3500 calories). If I eat 1350 calories a day, I know that I need to burn 2350 that day. If I do that every day then I KNOW that I will loose 2lbs of body fat a week, regardless of what the scale says. This helps to keep me on track. I burn calories by standing a lot (like now, while I blog and read emails), and doing chores and then of course my walks each night. I've also recently joined an aerobics class twice a week. As far as my food, well I did have to give up the soda. On occasion I'll have a small Mocha as a nice treat. Mainly I still try to eat food that I love, just food that is higher in quality. I still have my favorites on occasion, I just plan for them. But I've learned that a lot of food that is lower in calories and higher in nutrition is some of my favorites too. Like crab legs, steak, chicken sandwiches, and various soups. Last night I made Potato Soup for dinner, lunch was Tamale's with Guacamole. Today's breakfast was milk and a blueberry crumble (which I realized is probably more a dessert, but it's so good and healthy I eat it for breakfast!). I'm making a grilled chicken sandwich with bacon and guacamole and lettuce and tomato for lunch. Dinner is a roast with a baked potato and sour cream and roasted broccoli!! If I eat out we go to places I know I can control myself at, like Chili's where I get their Margarita Grilled Chicken dinner, or Panera where I get either a bowl of soup with a whole grain baguette or I get the Fuji Apple Chicken Salad. Panera puts their calories right up on the board, so that's a huge help! IHOP will let me order from the kids menu and most of their meals are around 300 cals. I love all of this food, and I don't feel like I'm on a diet. The only time I "feel" like I'm on a diet is when it comes to eating sweets or snacking. I still have snacks. Yesterday I had 4 cups of air popped popcorn that I sprayed with melted butter (real butter!). Most of the time I have a fruit with string cheese, or Triscuit Thins and Laughing Cow cheese. So 99% of the time I don't feel like I'm dieting. Because I choose foods that are denser with fewer calories (like oatmeal or whole fruits instead of poptarts or juice) a more "bang for your buck" type of mentality, I'm not usually hungry. I like that. If I want something that seems a little junk worthy I try to find ways to spruce it up and make it healthier. The other day I made a HUGE sweet potato and slathered it with raw sugar, pecans, pomegranate, and even some mini marshmellows. That was my lunch. It was ultra filling, helathy, and indulgent! I eat full fat foods too; like sour cream, nuts, guacamole, peanut butter and what not which help to keep me satiated. I do drink skim milk. I love milk, and I love to drink a lot, so I chose the lower fat option there. And I do try to stick with lower fat dairy like 2% cheese, LF yogurt and LF Cottage Cheese. But I do not eat diet anything. No diet soda, no sugar free or diet junk food. If I'm going to eat a cookie, I'd rather it be real. And Soda...well, its just collateral damage. It was a huge thing to overcome for me. I really struggled with that for years! But I have been soda free for close to 2 months now. I'm not against having one, but its hard to justify 320 calories for a drink. That's my entire aerobics class to burn that pop off! ARGH! So not worth it. Anyhow, so that's how I'm doing it. I'm down about 15lbs right now. I have a long way to go (45lbs more) and I know its going to take a lot of hard work to get there, but I'm confident now that I CAN do it, and that I WILL do it this time around. YOU CAN TOO!! Part of it is believing that you can, the other part is working for it and being CONSISTENT! And knowledge helps a lot. Having all of the facts is a huge benefit!

Someone put me out of my misery!

2010-11-08T21:30:00.003-05:00

What a day! I swear, I have to bust my butt all day long to see any results these days and that is VERY frustrating! Today's 2 hour walk only gave me 550 cals, 3 weeks ago I would have been at 800 or so. That really bums me out! And, after all that work I will have only managed a deficit of 1300 for the day. That sucks. I even only consumed in the 1300 range. I'm getting really frustrated. I'm thankful that my class has resistance training in it, so hopefully that will get my lean muscle mass up and give my burn a boost. I mean, who the heck has 3 hours to devote to exercise each day? I was going to wait until after my classes were over to do P90x, but I might change my mind. This is getting ridiculous and I'm feeling stifled and frustrated. I don't really feel like a 2lb lose a week is asking for to much or reaching to high! But I'm going to have to change something, because this just isn't effective anymore!

Anyhow. I made potato soup for dinner. I posted the recipe in "Our Recipes" because I like it so much! My DH says he thinks its easily one of the bests ever, and he's very hard to please. I got the recipe from Lynnette some years ago, not sure where she got it.

Well, I'm in a lot of pain. Pain in my back, pain in my thighs and legs and feet and a serious headache. AND, I need a shower, bad! Plus I'm in a mood. I wish that I could be happy with 2lbs a week, but falling behind has really bummed me out, and now its taken some serious effort to hit a thousand calorie deficit each day because I have to work so much harder at it. Maybe I should give some thought to ditching the walking for a while and giving something else a try. Its just that I really do like my walks, and I look forward to them, I need them. And I'm trying to enjoy them before the blasted Michigan winter hits and it gets unbearably cold out. But, maybe I should consider the elliptical again, it just bores me to tears. And video's aren't much better. I'm digging the class, but clearly I need to take two of them a day to have any effectiveness. 350 cals isn't cutting it. AND, I spend ALL day on my feet. The only time I sit down is to eat. Whatever. I'm outta here. I'm just too crabby and I feel bad pushing it off on all of you! ;)

Dang it!

2010-11-08T08:14:00.002-05:00

I've had a crappy few days! I hurt my back last Thursday sitting at my kitchen table a little too long. It hurt, but I went to my Burn & Firm class anyhow. Now, I don't know if it made it worse or not. Maybe it just didn't get really bad till the next day, but by Saturday I was in screaming pain! Sigh. So Saturday's burn was in the 1800's (which is lousy) and I slept for 5 hours that afternoon trying to burn off the muscle relaxer I took (and then paid for for two stinkin' days). And yesterday on top of that, I bleached my teeth again which made my teeth hurt really bad all day. So, I had a crummy feeling weekend! Friday I had like a 300 cal deficit, I have no idea about Saturday because I didn't care, but I over ate, I know that much. Yesterday's deficit was only 700 cals because I ate about 400 cals more than normal, otherwise I would've done good because I did manage to pull off two walks yesterday. Anyhow, its over now. Most of the pain is gone and I will be resuming my walk schedule today and I will be sure that I'm on target with my calories.

So today was a weigh-in/measure day! I did manage to lose a meager half of a pound. I will say that I don't understand the lack of loss because I did manage to burn 5,652 calories through out the week. Take off the 652 cals that I might have to negate because of my overeating and lack of exercise on Saturday and I still burned enough to lose a pound and a half. I'm trying not to sweat it. I did lose inches, so that's a plus. My body fat percentage is down, another plus, and my walks are getting ridiculously easy. Yesterday I walked home from Lowe's, about an hour walk, and when I got home I wasn't even winded. My back hurt though. Anyhow, it's just disappointing when the scale doesn't measure up! I'm about 3lbs behind on my schedule now, which is sorely disappointing. So this week I'm going to try to burn 1500 cals each day, which equals out to a 3lbs loss. My next goal is 155 by the first, so I better get working a little harder so that I can reach my goal and maintain my schedule. I guess I should say that my Body Fat goal is 20% and right now I am at 38%, so if 125lbs isn't possible because of muscle mass, I'll be happy with a 20% BMI (based on measurements/weight). So, it's one or the other, which ever comes first 125lbs or 20% BMI.

The good news to my calorie burn is that I'm getting up an hour earlier because of the time change, and the Muffin not getting it. So, that'll give me more of a deficit by days end. Cha-ching! We're also supposed to have a lovely few days, so I'm planning some great chores and activities. I feel a Zoo day coming on. I also have some yard work I'd like to get done. I don't really want to stare at a dead and decaying garden all winter since its right outside of my large window. Then of course there are leaves. My house is a mess, laundry still needs to get done, though I'm getting a handle on it finally, packages need to be packed and mailed, and so many other things! Sigh. But at least they are calories that need to be burned. I'll just think of it that way. I need to burn a huge number of calories a day, and these chores are gonna help get me there!

Well anyhow, I'm looking forward to tomorrow's class. Weird, I know. I also plan to walk tomorrow morning, now that I know more of what to expect from the class and all. 350 cals is nice, but its not enough. Like I said, I want 1500 cal deficits each day, and those aren't easy to come by...especially since I'm burning less calories now. Anyhow, I better get started. I have a busy day ahead of me. Good luck to everyone!

Burnin' & Firmin' and feeling VERY OUT OF SHAPE!

2010-11-04T19:54:00.003-04:00

Ok, first let me just start by saying that this grandiose event didn't start off so wonderful! I got conflicting reports as to where the class was being held (thanks a lot Parks & Rec), so OF COURSE I went to the WRONG place first. Why does it always happen like that? I wanted to be early. I wanted to walk up there. BUT NOOOOO!!!! I had to be swayed by the stupid ad in the book. Go to the elementary school it said, even though something kept whispering to me that I saw some where that it was being held at the rec center! Sigh. So, I was late. LATE PEOPLE!! Not just skating in at the last minute feeling frenzied but getting there before the first kick. NOPE! Late, as in I walk in and they're already Burnin' & Firmin' with out me, and I was only 3 min late (they don't mess around!) for the stupid thing! I was mortified. No sneaking in the back ya'll!! And to make it worse, the instructor saw me 2 kicks later and came over to greet and then introduce me, OVER THE SPEAKER! Sigh. People, I will say that two of the BIGGEST reasons I quit going to church way back in the day were because 1) I hate doing things alone and 2) I hate being noticed! Argh!! Call me out to stand up and introduce myself in front of the crowd and I AM OUT!! I could have curled right up and died. Like going to a stupid fitness class where I know not a single soul wasn't stepping out of my comfort zone enough! Oh no!! Heather must be BROKEN!! Let's REALLY freak her out! Make her late AND get noticed AND have to introduce herself to the class! ARGH!!! [she then passes out!]

Sigh.

I tried to brush it all off so that I could get down to work. I mean really, the only reason I was there was to burn calories right? RIGHT! So, I jumped in and started kicking and jumping and whew! And then it hit me! My bouncing (and I mean BOUNCING) instructor had to be in her 70's! My "peers" well let's just say my mom would have felt very comfortable! EXCEPT they were all keeping up and doing a far better job then I was! I kept feeling like I missed a few weeks. I even asked at one point "Isn't this the first week?" and my neighbor (who wasn't bouncing quite as much and complained A LOT) said that it was for this semester. Apparently these ladies are all old hat's at this (no pun) and I was the only new comer! The class was PACKED! There had to be over 20 women! And that blasted instructor KICKED MY BUTT!! She bounced and jumped and hopped and leaped and punched and kicked and shimmied and skipped and bounced some more and ran to the left and criss-crossed to the right...all the while she was singing and yelling and coaching and saying "Engage your abs ladies" and "Don't forget to breathe!" while I was stopping and resting and panting and feeling like next to this chic (who, like I said, was clearly in her 70's) I was an old dog!

I loved it!

Go figure. I actually feel like I "made it" through the whole class. There were some spots where I couldn't jump as much, or crouch as low, and forget any exercises that involve the tailbone (I have a nice scar that screams if I rest on it) and abs, but I felt like for the most part I did it! And I was kind of surprised at how well I did it. All I can say is that it must be because of the 15lbs I've lost and because my endurance and stamina are all up because of the crazy lady walking I've been doing. But it felt good to not feel like I had to stop and lay down, or puke! It felt good to keep going (albeit some of it was just really confusing)! I'm looking forward to next week. I'm going to go one more week with 3lb weights and than see if I can do 5lb ones. Maybe I'll get brave and put on my ankle weights in a few weeks! All I know is that I am certainly signing up for this class again!

So the stats. The class is an hour long. I burn 350 cals (averaging about 5.5cals/min). That seems weird to me because I felt like I was busting my butt, though it just goes to show you that, like I have said before, perceived exertion does not equal calorie burn! Its just weird though! Right after that is a Pilates class that I think I'll sign up for next semester (after the holidays). It'll be a different type of exercise and I was watching it before I left, it seems pretty low key. I'm not real in to all the bouncing. Anyhow, fun stuff. The nice part is that I am actually LOOKING FORWARD to next weeks class! Now that I'm better prepared for what to expect. And I'll be walking there and back (though that might be real interesting when its freezing out and I'm wet with sweat, even if it is only a 15 min walk. So, kudos to me! I did good on my calorie intake today (as usual, any more its just second nature) and I think I'll have my burn at a 1,000 cal deficit and probably higher! I'm going to the movies with a friend of mine, maybe I'll sneak in a bag of home made popcorn for a nice treat! LOL!

WHEW!! I feel energized and pumped!! I'm on a roll! LOOK OUT!

Not giving in! (Day 45)

2010-11-03T23:05:00.002-04:00

I guess I do it out of spite! I mean, I feel lousy, I'm irritated to the hilt and now I'm bummed that my burn is lower...but dang it all I am NOT going to let that deter me! I went for a walk tonight, the normal one, laps around the high school block, and instead of doing 3 or 4 like I usually do, I did 5! That's right, FIVE! I've only ever done that once before. It was a lot easier this time around. I guess the ironic thing is that even though I am burning less calories doing the same thing (500 instead of 750), its easier for me to do now. I can walk for an hour and it not feel like a thing. I can walk up to the PO just like I used to walk up to the 7-Eleven (a 20 minute walk). I remember when the thought of walking to the PO was a huge deal and freaked me out big time! I attempted it once, I thought I would die. That was three or four years ago now! Know I contemplate if I have enough time to walk to the county park (which is beyond the PO), because I know with out a doubt I can make it, but do I have the time? I remember the first time I rode my bike to that park. I thought I was hot stuff man! Thoroughly impressed with myself for sure! Now here I am, knowing I could walk there with out an ounce of concern. Here I am having walked to and from the PO this afternoon, only to add 5 laps (an hour and a half) in the evening. I walked for over 2 1/2 hours today and it felt like nothing. Its sort of a let down really. I liked that it was hard and I had to push myself. I mean, what now? I walk for an hour and a half to two hours these days, I can't up that to three. Who has that much free time in their day?? Certainly not me! I'm busy raising tomorrow's future and avoiding eBay and my chores! Anyhow, I guess its a good thing that I signed up for that Burn & Firm class (tomorrow's the big day!!). Maybe it'll be the nice little stepping stone I need to P90x. The thing is, I have really grown to like my walks, to look forward to them. After a long, tough and challenging day with my toddler the reprieve of an hour or so alone in the silence of the night spacing out to a book or some tunes really appeals to me. About as much as the couch and TV used to do. That's a big deal. That's got to be like some big mental break through of some sort, right??

Anyhow, this post was mainly to let you all know that even on this craptastic day when I felt like pitching this whole basket of give-a-crap out the window and calling foul...I retaliated with an even longer walk than usual.

But maybe I was just trying to avoid doing eBay with the hubster. Shhhh!!! ;) Though, I did come home and find him laying on the couch and watching TV. Can't say that thrilled me. I mean, not that I expect him to do eBay (cause I'd be far more relieved if we quit that sideshow all together), but dang!! I can't pull him away from that stupid PC but maybe once ever 8 or ten days to watch a few shows and the booger snuck off with out me.

I felt left out.

But, it was quickly erased with the memory of my superiority of the evening and my stellar ability to walk and walk and walk! I only came in tonight because I had to pee so bad I could taste it! Who knows, maybe I could've walked 6 or 7 laps...and limped my way home. LOL! In fact, truth be told, I probably would have chosen to go out for my wlak over watching TV anyhow!

The moral of the story here people is this...Don't give up, don't give in. I did that for years and each year I got fatter and more out of shape. Ask Lynnette, she watched it happen! But this time around I just flat out refuse to give up OR give in! No matter what! I don't care how I feel and what happens or what tries to get in my way, I'm not giving up this time. This is day 45, and I haven't given up yet! By Monday I'll be down 17lbs! By Christmas I should be down at least 30lbs! I mean, who can argue with that? Who can say that all of this crap isn't worth it? Its worth it people. Its worth every moment of discomfort out in that blistering cold wind. Its worth every sore joint and tired body part. And that cookie? Well, that cookies is still so not worth it!

Feeling Ugly (Blame it on my teeth!)

2010-11-03T14:11:00.004-04:00

Its been one of those days.

Maybe its the clouds, maybe its hormones, maybe its the fact that my teeth hurt really bad!! ARGH!

I'm bleaching my teeth. I went to the dentist, paid through the nose for trays and gel, and have done it twice now. Sigh. I have a chipped tooth from my childhood, it seems to not like the bleaching gel at all! Its the only one that hurts, but it REALLY hurts! Like "pink pill" hurts. I'm supposed to do this every night for weeks, and I'm in two nights and am dying. Did I mention that I paid through the nose for this?? Did I mention that I REALLY bummed out the hubster for this "cosmetic" investment? I won't go into the details, but I really felt it was a necessity before having some dental work done over the next few weeks. But I am paying dearly now.

It's really bumming me out!

Ok, so aside from the pain, I'm annoyed too. I've noticed over the last few days that I'm burning fewer calories doing the same activities that a few weeks ago I burned a lot more. For instance, standing. I used to burn 2.3cals/min standing, now I'm burning 1.3cals/min. That's HALF!! What am I supposed to do about that?? I have to work twice as hard as before to burn the same amount of calories. Do I need to tell you how bummed out I am about that? Like I didn't feel like I was working my tail off before!! This might explain why people plateau too. I guess my body has gotten really efficient at standing and walking! LOL!

My class. Believe it or not they cancelled the first class due to the instructor being ill. So, we're supposed to start tomorrow. I'm very anxious, but now I'm excited to see how many calories I can get burned in that hour.

I've kept walking. Its been in the 30's when I doing it, but I'm doing it anyhow. The other day when I got done I couldn't feel the skin on my legs. Guess I should dig out my warm winter under clothes. I have a pair of biking pants that keep my legs warmer. My daughter has these great jeans that have this fleece lining...wish I had a pair of those. Anyhow, I continue to walk my butt off for what feels like hours at times. I've been listening to audio books while I do it, this helps to pass the time. I'm listening to Break Dawn, again. I can't help it. I'm a Twidork! They just make me happy.

So yesterday I had a heck of a time getting my calorie burn up. I even walked for close to two hours and only had a 700 cal deficit. In fact my hour walk home I was carrying 20lbs of meat in my backpack on the way home from the store. I don't recommend this. I only averaged 4.5cals a min and it was killer hard and I ended up with a pinched nerve under my shoulder blade! I also spent the day on my feet and doing stuff, so I was especially disappointed to see how low my burn was. On an up note I'll mention that I did tell my DH that if he wanted to have the fancy pizza buffet lunch, he had to go with someone other than me. I love that pizza. Its not the crappy buffet one we used to go to all the time. This one is only on weekdays at lunch time, so we don't get to go often since David is at work. But 1 slice of pizza is 500 cals. ONE SLICE!! So 1 slice, 1 breadstick and 1 salad along with the cookie at the end comes in at 1011 cals! WHAT?? NO! Sorry. Its not worth the effort to burn it off!

Using the Bodybugg helps to give me that info. Now that I know exactly how long it takes me to burn off a stinking calorie I've been able to make decisions about eating easier. So much of the time it boils down to if its worth the extra effort to burn it off! I love cookies. One Chocolate Chip Cookie is 150 cals. For a SMALL one. Not for the size I make, LOL! So, 150 calories is one walk around the HS. That's about 20 min. That's worth it to me...until I'm out walking and I know I have to do 4 laps already...and then to add on another lap because I ate a cookie I barely remember the taste of from several hours before... Not so enticing at that moment. Anyhow, it makes mistakes a whole lot less because I am constantly reminding myself what it would take to counteract the calories I consumed. And now that I'm burning less doing the same thing...yeah, that is sucking big time!! There isn't a cookie on this earth that is worth it anymore.

The problem is that I know I should keep my cals up in the 1350 area and up my exercise. That's one of the reasons I'm looking forward to my new Burn and Firm class on Tue & Thurs. Keep your body guessing right? Well I have a feeling my body is going to feel quite surprised tomorrow! I've been advised to wait to start the P90x until after my class is over, so I guess that will be another nice surprise!

Anyhow, I'm just feeling grumpy today. There isn't enough time in my days it feels and I'm kind of bummed out about some stuff in my everyday life. We took our house off of the market for the winter, that was a huge bummer. My DH is neck deep in eBay crap because of the holidays, and I know I should be glad for the extra money (and it is significant) but I just hate it, and I have to help otherwise it gets ugly around here. I feel very behind on my house and laundry again because I spend so much of my time trying to exercise that I don't have a lot of extra time. I also haven't had any time to get other things done that I want, like a scrapbooking project I started for my mom for Christmas, or the Picture book that was supposed to have been done for Father's day, or some of the other blogs I need to be working on... I'm just feeling overwhelmed these days, and its getting me down. I hate feeling behind and overwhelmed.

Well, I said I'd get off of here at 3pm, and that was a half an hour ago...so I guess I need to go. I have a package to mail (which means walking to the PO in this ugly cloudy weather for an hour), dinner to make, pictures to take for eBay, laundry to do and a daughter to still spend time with before bed time. And this should all be done with out putting my fist through the wall because my teeth hurt!

November 1st

2010-11-01T10:52:00.002-04:00

Well hello frost! Wow! I was so NOT expecting THAT! But it is November now. The last few months have flown by. Maybe because I spend everyday trying to think of ways to stay active and constantly looking forward to the next Monday so that I can see, and report, on my progress. Constantly keeping busy can make for short days. Which is nice, in a way, since I don't want to do this forever and 6 months really did feel like a long time. But here I am with only 4 left to go! Woot!!

Btw I keep saying I have 45lbs left, I don't. I have 40lbs left to loose. And 40lbs is way better than 45!!

Oddly enough staying active has become my priority as of late. Meaning, my house has suffered. I spend so much time walking and getting out to exercise that I have neglected my house on a serious level. So this week is all about whipping this house and the laundry back into shape!

Meaning I should get started.

NOW!

Trick or Treat?? It's quite the TREAT!

2010-10-31T22:20:00.002-04:00

I wanted to announce (a bit early I know) that I did in fact make my goal of 165lbs by Halloween! This morning I weighed myself and shrieked with excitement! I couldn't believe it! Usually it comes along a day late, and here it is a day early! I was so very happy. 15lbs down, 45 more to go! But, 45 doesn't seem like such a big number after watching the last 15lbs come off consistently at 2lbs a week for the last several weeks.

Sigh.

I can not tell you how awesome I feel!! I'm down a pant size. I'm in 2 notches on my belt. I'm down several inches all over. My feet, legs and knees don't hurt nearly as fast as they used to.

I feel great!

I'm doing it people!! This weightloss blog finally has someone losing weight on it!! Weee!!!

A whole lot of babbeling about my 500 cal walk because I'm too tired to edit myself.

2010-10-29T22:38:00.004-04:00

Whew! I am wiped OUT!! I just did 4 laps around the HS. 500 cals zapped in 1 hour 15 minutes. I felt great too! I mean, its 43 degrees, which kinda sucked, but it wasn't that bad. I was just in a long sleeved T-shirt and a sweatshirt, gloves and an ear wrap. My face feels a little numb, but I was sweating. I didn't get sore or really that tired until like the last five minutes, and I think that's only because I resolved to be done. I don't like walking after 10:30pm. Not like Creepers work on a specific shift clock or anything, but the night just seems to get a whole lot more sinister after 10pm.

So the other day I bought the coolest little gadgets! I bought them at Meijer (which is a superstore here in the midwest). They are these arm band LED things that light up (they can flash too). They're from Runner's World (or sponsored by them or something). Anyhow, if you do anything outside at night, these are wonderful things to have! They cost less than $10 each. Here's a link to someone out there selling them (who I do not know, nor promote). I say save on shipping and go to the exercise section of a major superstore.

I wanted to say that Daphne's comment on "Post #601" made me feel good today and really gave my spirits a lift. Thanks for sticking around Daphne!! I really love all of the comments I get on this blog. You guys keep me going, you really do!

Well anyhow, today was another stellar day. I spent some time at the Zoo. I even committed to just walking around (power walker style) for about 40 minutes with out stopping to look at the animals. I was in a real mood today, which didn't help me being at the zoo...and the zoo didn't make my mood any better. But, at least the Muffin was strapped in to her stroller and I didn't have to grouch at her all day. This evening I decided to have fish and chips for dinner. The real ones. In a restaurant. Get this, I actually peeled ALL of the breading off of my fish! ALL OF IT! I don't know who this person is anymore. I probably ate too much bread, and I did finish off my little ramekin of Ranch (the FULL FAT one!!) and yup, I ate some of the chips too! In fact, I complained that they were soggy, and asked for new ones! I mean, if I was going to eat them anyhow, and get the enormous amount of calories, I'd better enjoy them! LOL! I didn't eat but maybe a teaspoon of the tartar sauce because frankly it was just gross!! They put sweet relish in mayo and call that tartar! YUCK! But since I'm talking about tartar I might as well mention that I think Red Lobster has the best, BY FAR!! But, that's just my ever so humble opinion! LOL!

Anyway... Back to the stuff that counts. I still met (and most likely surpassed) my 1,000 cal deficit for the day. I had to guess at dinners calories, but I used things like Applebee's French Fries and Olive Garden's Breadsticks. I would assume they're probably pretty close in the calorie department. But my overall burn for the day will be over 2500, which is really freakin' good in my book! I'm usually around 2300 or so. I'd like to be at 2600, but that's next to impossible to hit with out spending 2 hours walking at night and frankly that might just be a tad bit over doing it. Anyhow, I'm happy with today's performance.

It feels really good to be at the point in my process where I no longer fear the weekends. I feel like I've got this calorie in/out thing licked pretty good. I just have to remind myself (several times a day some days) that I have to be consistent. I have to do it everyday in order to loose 2lbs a week, and I have to loose 2lbs a week every week in order to be at my goal in March. And I very much want to be at my goal in March! BEFORE my 34th birthday for sure (April 22). I refuse to spend my 30's miserable and uncomfortable and ashamed the way that I did my 20's. I'm done. And I want to get this over with so that I can start focusing on other things in my life. Like scrapbooking. LOL! Sigh. I miss scrapbooking. And watching TV/movies too! But I know that I need to be up and moving, that's what's gonna get me to my goal. The scrapbooking and shows will still be there when I'm done. And I still sit down once a week or so and do an evening of shows, so its not like I don't ever get to watch them! Just certainly not as much as I used to, and I'm sure I won't ever be able to go back to that amount again if I plan on maintaining!

This evening I got howled at, and honked at. TWO different occasions. The fun part is that they're probably (hopefully) teenagers and would be mortified if they were up close and personal with me. Sigh. It made me feel a little old actually. Not that I wasn't flattered. But its dark, so I know they didn't really see me and were just having a good time... I'll take what I can get. Any amount of motivation is better than none! LOL!

Ok, I'm pooped. Thanks for sticking around to read this long drawn out post. I wish I had some great inspirational thing to say, or something better than, "Good luck this weekend!" but I don't. I'm just too darn tired, and suddenly shivering. I'm going to bed, WITH OUT SHOWERING! yup! BE grossed out! I don't care. I'm THAT tired.

The poor hubster! He won't know what hit him.

Post #601

2010-10-29T10:16:00.002-04:00

Hard to believe we've posted 600 times previous to this. Crazy.

I'm feeling ugly today. I'm in a mood I guess. Its probably the clouds and a little hormonal blahs. I was going to go to the zoo this morning with my dh, but its cold and cloudy. Problem is, I told her we would, and I'm also supposed to meet someone there to exchange some eBay crap I'm selling. So... I either go to the zoo, or drive an extra hour and drop it off at her store. Sigh. I'm irritated because I have stuff I need to get done around the house, and we were just at the zoo earlier this week (love having a pass), but it wears me out and I don't really burn all that many calories. Plus the effort...and the cold...and...and... I'm just in a mood. Which makes me want to sit around and not do a darn thing!! Yesterday my burn was so low, but I felt busy all day. SO at 9pm when I was tired, it was dark and cold and I just did not want to...I went for a blasted walk. Yay for me for walking. I reached my 1,000 cal deficit, but I was so not in the mood. I listened to an audiobook, which was helpful, but I was achy all over and had some kink in my neck and shoulder blade and my knees started hurting right away. It was a miserable walk. But I was pleased this morning to have done it, to have met my burn, and to see 166.8lbs on the scale this morning!

But, I'm still irritated and moody. Maybe I should just pack it up and go to the zoo. Maybe if we just walk and don't really stop to see anything (at least for the first hour) I'll get my burn up and then we can mosey around and look at the animals again. Maybe getting out of the house will be a good thing, because I'm starting to feel REALLY GRUMPY!!

On a brighter note, if I hit my goal on Monday of 165 point something, that will be a total of 15lbs lost while on this blasted blog! Which is a good thing for two reasons. 1) Cause I needed and wanted to loose weight and 2) who wants to read a blog on weightloss where no one is actually loosing weight!? LOL! So, don't give up on me! Stick around and you'll be able to witness a total of 55lbs lost (and hopefully by March)!!

Trying to remain calm...TRYING!

2010-10-27T12:05:00.002-04:00

Its one of THOSE days! I dunno if its the caffeine I slipped into my Slim-Fast this morning, or if its hormones, or if the toddler really has just worn down every last nerve I had on duty today! But I swear I am trying so hard not to flip out on her, or just in general.

There was a time, a not so long ago time, where this would be an all out Soda fest and a "try to invent the worse possible snack" sorta day. This would be a day where I would mix chocolate chips and peanut butter in the microwave and eat the worlds largest Reese's PB Cup! This would have been the day I made popcorn and drizzled melted chocolate and peanut butter over the popcorn and thrown in pecans and whatever else struck my fancy. But these days I manage to resist. Those sort of things don't really call to me the way they used to. Not that part of me isn't tempted at the moment...especially for the popcorn concoction. But I'm liking this weight loss thing. I'm liking the compliments and I'm liking that my husband is so proud. And I'm liking the feeling of satisfaction and pride in accomplishing what seems like the hardest thing in the world to do! Weight loss is a huge struggle for me, particularly on days like today.

But, like I said. I'm resisting. I have more fish in the oven for another fish sandwich again today. Then I am going to go take the muffin for the longest possible walk I can. Hours if I must. This is for her safety more than it is for my benefit! LOL! Otherwise I might throttle her! I'm hoping the walk wit help to chill me out, and will relax her into a beast with one horn instead of 6! And if I'm lucky, and the stars have aligned, perhaps I'll get her to nap...just as we're finishing the last block, to which I will enjoy about an hour and a half of pure silence and relaxation while I stare out the window and the deceptively warm sunshine and look at all of the beautiful leaves changing colors here in the Michigan Autumn.

And I will remind myself that tonight I get to go to Chili's and have that lovely Chicken Margarita dish I love so much! And then, the world will feel at one again...until tomorrow when I go to the dentist to hear my options for some serious teeth work. Sigh. Stay present in the day Heather!! Tomorrow will figure itself out!

BUT yesterday was a wonderful day, and I was so thrilled this morning to see that I managed to pull off a 2700+ burn (Close to a record if it isn't one!) and a 1352 calorie deficit for the day! HELLOOO!!! I was shocked! Thrilled!! I am crazy nuts-o about loosing my 2lbs this week so that I can hit my goal of 165 by the first! My next goal is 155 by Thanksgiving, but I've now realized that's a 10lb loss in three weeks, and not something I am managing (and it isn't recommended anyhow). But, who knows?! I'm starting P90x on Monday...so...maybe it is possible!!? Oh, and I start my Burn & Firm class on Tuesday (and my cycle!!)...so...we'll see I guess. To be honest though, the reality is that someone may die that week... Hormones, cramps, two aerobics classes and a new crazy weight training program...its a recipe for disaster! BUT, Lynnette said if I managed to pull of 2 work outs in one day (aerobics and P90x) she would worship me...So, I can't let her down! :P But...it might put me in the ER!! LOL!

Guess I should enjoy what is left of my easy week!!

I'm starving, so I'll blog instead!

2010-10-26T12:41:00.004-04:00

Seriously. Its bad. Like chew my arm off bad. But dinners in the oven and I have about 20 minutes till its done. I'm making a double fish sandwich for lunch! 415 cals for lunch. It has 2 Van de Kamps Crunchy Fish Filets, 1 tbs Kraft Tartar, 1 ww hamburger bun and a cheese single. Sigh. I'm giddy with anticipation. Look out McD's, you aint got nuttin on my fish sandwich, ok..maybe the size of your fish, but whatever!! I GET 2!!!

Later that day...

The sandwich was stellar! Yum!! But afterwards I was craving chocolate cake big time! SO, I had some. Seriously. I had a Betty Crocker Warm Delights Minis at 150 calories. I added 1 pecan to it. It was just what I wanted and squelched the craving. Thanks hormones. Anyhow, if you haven't had them yet...they're worth a try!! Now I'm brewing up a cup of Oolong Tea (hey, they say it burns belly fat!! Why not?!) and I have James Taylor turned on (get over it, I like the classics) and I'm gonna clean up the kitchen now! Here's to burning some extra calories...oh, and I'm still working on the laundry from like 6 weeks ago! Sheesh! It really needs to get into the past.

Oh, and by the way, this morning I weighed in at 167.2lbs! Its official! I weigh less now than I did when I got pregnant. It was a long hard road and those 10lbs haunted me, a constant reminder of my son. I'm so glad they're gone! Next goal, 165lbs by Monday. Then we'll move on to the pre-wedding weight (155lbs) for Thanksgiving!

You just never know what your body is doing!

2010-10-25T19:50:00.003-04:00

One would think that walking the Zoo for close to 5 hours would burn enough calories to cover the day, and surely be more than 10,000 steps. But. No. I mean, I did ok, but certainly not what I thought. I did about 5000 steps (less than I do on my "walks") and about 800 calories...maybe. Next time I won't think of it so much as exercise as something to do. But I really did intend it to be my exercise for the day. It wore me out, but I didn't burn nearly enough. So... When I got home I took the Muffin for a bike ride. Then we putzed around watering flowers and she asked me to go see the drums. So we walked over to the high school to watch the marching band practice and we walked around the track FOUR TIMES!! That's a mile people! A mile with a 2 1/2 year old!! I kept stopping and asking her if she was tired, if her feet hurt and she just said "I'm good!" (funny kid!!). So, we walked. And I was shocked to see I walked at about a 5 cal/min pace. I'm still surprised that I can burn so much more walking than riding my bike. Its just weird! Anyhow, so I did really good today. I ate in the 1300's and I'll have about a 1200 cal deficit for the day! I feel like I should be at about a 1500 one, but hey... It just goes to show you that you really don't know what your body is doing. I love having the Bodybugg! I know I say that all the time, but I am so all about it! I would buy one for everyone if I could! I'm trying to figure out a way to get one for my mother!! I could easily be a spokesperson! LOL! Anyhow, I'm hoping for 167 in the morning. I'm hoping the salt is out of my body after all of the walking and drinking. Although, this is "the week" of hormones and bloating and cravings...so far so good! Here's to hoping through the hormones!

Well...Hey!

2010-10-25T09:16:00.003-04:00

Well...hey, I'm not down where I wanted to be today...but I lost inches all over! 1" in my chest (like that's where I want to loose weight!!), 3/4" in my stomach and a half an inch in bot my hips and my thighs! I'm UP a 1/4" in my calves though...that's right baby! ROCK HARD muscles!! Anyhow, I know the lack of loss is water due to those blasted Pretzels I could not stop eating yesterday. But its all good. I am taking the Muffin to the Zoo today with the intent of burning major calories walking around all day! Let's just hope that tomorrow shows my appropriate loss and that I hit my goal of 165 by Monday. This morning I was at 168.4lbs (a pound higher than I should've been). That 167.4lbs just wants to be as illusive as possible!! Meany. So anyhow, I'm busting my butt this week to get to that 165 (a total loss of 15lbs). Cross your fingers. I really don't want to miss my milestone goals!

We have P90x now. My dh is so geeked to get started, but I'm making him wait till next week. He has a lot of stuff to get finished up on before I want him committing so much time to a work out and neglecting me and his daughter. But, looks like next Monday is our start day...and Tuesday is the day I'm supposed to start my Burn & Firm class (ARGH!!!) and its also the day that I start. Sigh. Nice. Like I didn't need every advantage I could get!!

Anyhow, everyone have a lovely day, do good and know that no matter what happened yesterday (or even this morning)...today is the day to commit and follow through! (Look at me, the pep talker!!)

Er...Excuse me? Can I get a do-over?

2010-10-24T21:58:00.002-04:00

So um... I was not the world's greatest diet roll model this past weekend. I mean, I did good on Friday, and I did good this evening, but Saturday and earlier today were a bust. Visitors. Sigh. Shoulda. Coulda. Didn't. Oh well. I mean, what am I gonna do about it now? Well, I'll tell you!! I went for a 3 hour walk, burned over 700 calories and hopefully squeaked out a deficit for the day! Because yesterday I didn't even burn 2000, FOR THE WHOLE DAY!! And I should be at about 2500. Sad. Today was looking worse, so I forced myself out for a LONG walk I knew I couldn't wimp out of!! I'm proud to say I completed my goal of three hours and didn't feel like I was gonna die!! Tomorrow's my weigh in, and I am hoping to be on target, but I doubt it. :( Not after yesterday's debacle. Anyhow, I'm back on track and it was only a hiccup. My goal is 165 by the first. That's 2 more pounds from this past week... Cross your fingers for me!

Hoping tomorrow is not like today!

2010-10-21T22:22:00.003-04:00

Man. What a blah sort of day! It was all I could do to get motivated today! The good news is that I kept my cals low, the bad news is that they were only in the 1200. The good news is that I managed to make it through my Kickboxing video, the bad news is I modified a whole lot to keep my heart from feeling like it would explode. It still hurts. The good news is that I will have a deficit of 920 cals, the bad news...its not 1,000 (I know, its close enough, but that's not the point). All in all I guess it wasn't such a bad day. but truth be told it was more or less that I decided to sit down and watch 2 hours of TV, instead of going out for my walk. Why? Well, I just felt like it. I was tired and its cold out (in the 40's) and I just didn't "feel" like it. Terrible excuse, but some times its ok to slack. My issue is that I know that the weekend will be tough since I have company again. So today I should have been out there busting my tail trying to rack up another 1500 cal deficit to make up for the days ahead. Anyhow. I didn't. And then at ten o'clock I tried to make up with it by doing that video, and I was just too worn out and I over exerted myself in the first four minutes. I should've taken off the ankle weights. Lesson learned. I should also know better than to do it more than once a week, twice at the most...several days apart. Live and learn. Well anyhow, my brother gets here at noon tomorrow, so I'll probably be MIA till Monday. I have a few really decent meals planned so that should help keep things in check. Its supposed to rain all weekend, which puts a damper on talking my SIL into going for walks with me. Hope I can still, at least a little. Anyhow, here's to trying to loose weight while still trying to live a normal life. So far I've been successful at it. I just keep trying to tell myself its one meal at a time...one step at a time...it all adds up. 5 weeks ago I only walked on occasion. 2 months ago I only walked for 30 minutes. Look at me now!! I hate to exercise. I just keep telling myself that walking is not exercise any more than showering or cleaning the house. Its just something I gotta do. Its helpful if I have to walk TO somewhere. I walk to the PO to mail packages. I walk to the fruit market for quickie dinner stuff. I walk to the grocery store for bigger items. I walk around the high school because I need the peace and quiet. Music helps. I love my tunes. I walk faster and longer when I have them. I also do better when I'm walking alone than if I'm walking and talking to a friend, or pushing a stroller. Sigh. I just wish I'd have started in July when it was still light out at 9:30pm. I hate walking in the dark. The most innocent looking things in the daylight take on a peculiarly sinister look in the dark. But, maybe that makes me walk faster too...I know this brisk weather does!

Good thing dinners in the crock pot!

2010-10-21T15:03:00.004-04:00

I thought I would take a few minutes and blog about my struggles today. Seems like lately I'm all sunshine and rainbows and this weight loss thing is a piece of cake. Not that I don't have moments where it is, but I have moments like these too. Moments where I can't find my umph. Moments when I just want to lay down, watch TV and drink a Soda. Moments when I wonder why its so important for me to bust my butt and loose this weight. I mean, I know what. I want to feel better. I want to live longer. I want to look better. I want to be able to run and play with my toddler. I want to give the best start to Rudy that I can, if and when we ever choose to go down that road again. AND, I want to be done with this. Done with the maniac walking, and the strict counting, weighing and measuring. I want to be able to tell people that I did it!! Naturally. Healthy. And with a lof of freakin' effort! But today I am having trouble getting going. I ate Oatmeal for breakfast. I've had a touch of caffeine. I'm even going for the Green Tea (which is very bitter, if you know why I'd love to hear it!) and I forced myself to clean up the kitchen. This morning I was full of Vim and Vigor. I picked up the Muffins toys in record time. When I took my car in for repairs, I spent that hour walking around Target. Then the clouds rolled in and it all went down hill. The cloud thing might be coincidental. Let's hope it is because we have about 5 1/2 months of clouds coming our way in the next couple of weeks! But, you'd think I'd be pumped. I have ribs in the crock pot that smell heavenly (and coincidently make me hungry, BLAST!!), My kitchen is clean, the house is picked up, its quiet around here with the Muffin at her Grandma's house, my brother and SIL are coming in tomorrow (which I am so super geeked about...and nervous. Its always about the food with me!!) I have beautiful flowers on my table (thanks to the DH and Sweetest Day, Gerbera Daisies and Asters, sigh.) OH!!! And as of this morning I weigh 167.6lbs (0.2lbs from my pre-preggers weight). So, its a great day...I'm just feeling ultra lazy and I have a ton of laundry to do, floors to vacuum, bathrooms to clean and packages to ship...all in the next two hours. Sigh. Good thing dinners in the crock pot!

Killing it...AGAIN!!

2010-10-20T22:30:00.003-04:00

Man! I'm getting really good at this whole dieting thing! OW OW OW!!! I might have just broke my arm patting myself on the back! LOL! Anyhow, seriously. Its nice to finally be at the point that its a priority and almost second nature in my life. Today I will have a 1500 calorie deficit for the day. I walked 5 laps around the high school block by my house. It took me an hour and 44 minutes. I burned over 700 cals and took over 11,000 steps while doing it. I also managed to eat a very filling and wonderfully delicious chicken nacho dinner (with olives, a 1/4c of Guacamole and REAL sour cream too!!) and I didn't use those stupid baked chips. It was all the real deal people!! Sigh. It was heavenly and under 700 cals, and was HUGE!! I was stuffed.

So I hate when I hear things like "If I can do it, anybody can do it!". I hate it. It always seems so phony to me. I always want to argue that they don't know me, that don't know my body or what I deal with. But the funny thing is, today while I was walking, about lap four I believe, I thought to myself, "MAN!! If I can do this, anyone can do this!". Then I slapped myself. But I couldn't help but think that if I (someone who's feet, knees, hips and legs hurt with in 5 minutes upon standing, has asthma, and fights a depression more serious than the average person can even comprehend) can do it...sheesh...so can you!! But no, I guess that's still not very true. I mean, you have to want it. Yeah, yeah. We all want it. Right. I remember. And for the last 18 months I really wanted it. So, what was the problem then? Why didn't I do it if I wanted it? All I can come up with is that I didn't want it bad enough. They all say there comes a point. You have to find your motivation, your determination, your self worth...something. Obviously I found mine about 5 weeks ago. I'm glad I found mine. And I can not wait till you find yours, if you haven't already. Because yes, anyone can do it. I am. Look at me go!! I'm down 10lbs this month, and I went from a 20 min walk to a 104 min walk in 4 weeks. I went from burning 5 cals a min to 6.7! I even made it through Jillian's Kickboxing video yesterday without dying or stopping longer than it took me to get a drink! Yeah, I'm well on my way these days, and it feels GREAT!!!

Week 5 day 1 SCORE!

2010-10-19T20:20:00.000-04:00

Just a quick note to let everyone know what a stellar day I had. I will more than hit my 1,000 Cal deficit goal for the day, I walked well over 10,000 steps today and I ate incredibly! I mean really, what is better than a guacamole bacon burger for dinner? Uh, nothing! So, I am well on my way to yet another successful week, and another 2lbs of body fat gone!
I just can't believe that I'm in my fifth week! Its gone pretty fast. I have less than four months to go! Yay! Tomorrow is playgroup day, and I have plans in the evening to have my friend and kids over for dinner (chicken nachos) and then we are taking the troops to a movie. I'm sneaking in my own popcorn! I'm hoping we'll have time for our walk first! But I'll walk beforehand, just in case!
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

Commitment to Burn & Firm

2010-10-19T11:56:00.003-04:00

OMG!! I did it! I actually signed up for Burn & Firm Class at my rec center on Tuesdays and Thursdays for 6 weeks starting November 2. ARGH!!! I even paid for it!! I'm so nervous! Its my first fitness class as an adult!! WHEW!! SOMEBODY STOP ME!! I think I've lost my mind!!

Well, that's more like it!!

2010-10-19T10:29:00.003-04:00

You knew I was going to weigh myself again this morning, admit it!! Well, because I am not one to disappoint, and because I just could not accept that I didn't loose...and actually GAINED weight...I did weigh myself. AND, the pay off was worth it! I managed to loose those 2 stinkin' pounds and am now at my lowest in 1 year and 9 months...168.8lbs, and a total of 12lbs lost from my most recent high of 180lbs. So yay me!!

I think a lot of it had to do with yesterday. I know 1200 calories a day is not helpful. I know that somewhere deep down in the dark recesses of my very stubborn brain. But, I wanted to block it out. I wanted to act like this one week wouldn't hurt. But in reality, my body didn't want to give up the pounds because it was panicking. Stupid body. Like I would EVER starve it. Come on!! It out to know better by now. I mean HELLLOOOO!!! Are my eyes not talking to the rest of my body?? Anyhow, so yesterday I think I totaled about 2 hours of walking. I walked up to ship some packages (40 min) then I walked with my girl friend later for another 40 min, then we dropped off her son and went back out for about another 40 minutes. I also boosted my calories back up and was at 1375 (which is about perfect) and had the most insane Cobb Salad for dinner with her and her kids. All in all I walked over 12,000 steps and had a 1200 calorie deficit!! I think that gave my body the boost (and food) it was looking for.

Today I am going to do Jillian's Cardio Kickboxing video. Its like 25 minutes or so. In fact I'm doing that as soon as I'm done here. Then I'm going for a 3 mile walk up to the store and back, as well as a lot of chores. That should be a massive burn today! I'm not sure what I'm gonna do for my meals today. I didn't get a chance to plan them out yet. Ugh. I hate that. But regardless, I know I'll do good today. Its just become part of what I do these days. I make it a point to eat right, and in range. Does this mean I'm a changed woman now?? LOL!

Well anyhow, I'm glad I stayed positive in spite of the rude scale, and I'm glad to see my loss reflected this morning! I'm feeling pumped again for another great week of success...and another 2lbs! By Monday morning I should be down to 166lbs, a pound LESS than my pre-pregnancy weight...and right on target!!! LET'S GET IT DONE!!! Woo hoo!!

Trying to stay positive

2010-10-18T09:04:00.003-04:00

170.6lbs. Sigh. I'm up 0.6lbs when I am most certain I should be down at least 1.5lbs, if not 2lbs. Its so hard to not get down and be frustrated. Its hard not to look back and think I should've eaten less (going below 1200 calories is a bad idea and counterproductive to weightloss). That's 2 weeks of not losing what I know I've been diligent about getting to. The week before I lost 0.8lbs, so over the past two weeks, I'm down a quarter of a pound. But I know I've burned at least enough to loose 4lbs. Its truly frustrating. Even when I have all of the facts, even when I do everything the right way, even when I am diligent in exacting my calories and hitting my burns every day...my body revolts against me! And I've been so nice to it lately, you would think it would get on board to make me happy! But NOOOOOO!!! You know what?? No brownie for you BODY!! Take THAT!!

So, anyhow. Bodybugg is nice enough to have lots of info available on their site, and when you don't hit your goal it suggests reading certain things. I thought I would share a snippet with all of you.

Success Factors Other than Weight
If it’s been less than two to three weeks since you’ve lost weight, it may be due to water weight affected by diet, personal habits and hormonal changes. Also, you may have gained muscle. If you’ve gained muscle and lost body fat, the scale will not reflect this. Use the following criteria to determine if you’re making progress from week to week:
o Circumference measurements – A decrease means you’re losing inches.
o Clothing size and fit – Looser clothing probably means you’re losing weight and/or fat.
o Visual appearance – You may be able to detect noticeable fat loss.
o Body fat measurement – Noticeable changes can be detected every 2-3 weeks.
o Change in energy levels – an increase in energy level is a positive sign.
If there is improvement in any two of these, you’re right on track.

I wish I could say it makes me feel better. It doesn't. But, I know that I've come 4 weeks and today starts week number 5! I know that I've busted my butt, and its the best I could do. I know that everyone says I look like I've lost weight. I know that my pants are bigger, my belts gone in two notches, and my husband can wrap his arms all the way around my waist now. I know that I've lost several inches all over, and that I look better in my clothes and in the mirror. So, with that information I will move forward and ignore that blasted scale. I will go on and pretend as though I have lost the 4lbs I should be down now. Ok, maybe I'll walk more this week than I did previously...and I'm hoping to start that P90x soon... I know that if I build some lean muscle I'll be able to burn more calories when I'm at rest. Not to mention look toned when I do finally get all of this excess fat off of me.

So what's the plan for this week? Well, first I'm gonna try not to cry. No, I'm kidding...kinda. Not that I couldn't be pushed over the edge easily enough, but I think I'm just tired and frustrated. And I need to tell myself to knock it off and focus! FOCUS HEATHER!!! Its not about the dag gum scale!! I don't know why I can't get that through my thick skull! IT'S NOT ABOUT THE SCALE HEATHER!!! ARGH!! Anyhow...where was I? Oh, the plan... So the plan is to walk every day for at least an hour. Even if I have to break it up. Today I'm walking up to the store to get Pull-ups. That's a 3 mile walk, over an hour. Hope the rain holds off. The cold and clouds suck enough. I'm also planning on 1350 cals a day. I did that 3 weeks ago, and it worked out pretty well and I was loosing. I am also going to plan my meals at least a day before (if not the whole week) I eat them. And last, but not least, I'm going to do my chores! So, that's the plan. Walk, plan my meals, eat more, do chores. I'll feel accomplished all the way around.

I so want to break through this 170lb wall. I've been trying really hard and hitting my burn. I deserve it!! But, I'm keeping my chin up (even if its false bravado!) and I'm trudging forward. Its all I can do. Giving up is not an option this time!! This is for you Rudy!!

The last five days!

2010-10-17T21:20:00.004-04:00

Whew! How do I sum up the past five days? Well, aside from the fact that they were fun... I can say with all confidence that I did meet my burn of an average of a thousand calories this past week. I didn't get to walk but once (thanks to rain), and the daily burn was low (very low yesterday) and I was frustrated at how little calories one burns just being alive, but I managed to keep my intake at an average of just above 1200. So... In theory I should be down 2 lbs by morning... But, this morning I was UP point six. WHAT THE!!?? Sigh. Its hard not to get discouraged when things like that happen. I mean, you REALLY have no idea the kind of accomplishment it was to keep myself in check while my Mom was here! We're foodies, and together we are dangerous! But I did it, and actually helped her out a bit too... I just really wanted to see 168lbs this week. Especially after only a 0.8lb loss of last week. If I have two weeks in a row of not loosing, it will be hard not to be a maniac next week...or really depressed and hopeless feeling.

I have a theory on the gain, aside from water. You always hear that you should never drop below 1200 calories on your intake, right? Other wise your body thinks your starving and then grabs hold and hangs on to every ounce of food you put in your mouth after that. So, what if that's what happened this week? Maybe my calories were just too low. I keep thinking that the only real important part is the 1,000 deficit. But what if... What if the fact that I was a little on the low side freaked my body out and so it hung on to my food this week... Speculation is all it is, but who knows?

Today I managed 2 walks. My burn is a bit higher today coming in at about 2375 for the day, and more than ten thousand steps. BUT...I had chicken fried rice for lunch (which I estimated at about 525)...then we went out for dinner and I had baked fish and a few sweet potato fries. I feel like I did good on my calories, but the truth is I don't really know. I can guesstimate. I can over estimate, which is what I hope I did and I came in at about 1500 input. Which is good. Its what I wanted to do, get my intake up, but to also get my burn up too. I did both, but not enough with the output. Looks like I'll be at about 600 or so deficit. Grr!! I had every intention to go out and walk after the Muffin was asleep...but its one of her rough nights and here we are at 9:30pm and we are still fighting with her. So... Tomorrow is a new day? LOL!

The good news about tomorrow is that I have a ton to do. Cleaning, laundry, yada yada!! But that's good, it'll keep me up and moving. I'm just not sure how or when I'll be able to get in some walking. Its getting mighty chilly around here too!! I'm a huge whimp! I'm planning on sucking it up and going anyway... But I'm gonna gripe! I also need to plan my meals for the week so that I don't end up eating out a lot (which I'm starting to hate since I can't track my calories to the perfection that I like) or screw up and devour my own arm! I have a ton of food in the house, so I shouldn't need to go shopping... But around here, one doesn't equal the other. I usually have a lot of food, and nothing to eat. I suck at looking in the cabinet and putting together a meal with what I have. I plan dinners, I shop, I forget to make the dinners, I end up with lots of random stuff... I mean really!! Who has coconut milk in their cupboard and no idea why!!?? I have soba noodles too, ya know what those are?? Didn't think so! I'm weird. I just love trying new food. I love recipes. Wish I loved to cook!

I've been craving scones lately. Good thing I have a busy morning and will probably opt for a caffeine infused Slim-Fast or a crummy bowl of cereal...again. But whatever, its a new week, its weigh in day, and tomorrow things will be back on track like they are supposed to be!! OH!! And I'd like to announce that this evening marks the end of 4 weeks that I have been on a roll with out fail! Do you hear THAT!??! That is the sound of me cheering and burning a few extra calories doing a happy dance! WOOT!! This is a record. I hope everyone out there is making new records this week!!

Seeing results!

2010-10-11T11:04:00.003-04:00

Sigh. Its been a trying few days. With the Muffin being so sick there hasn't been a whole lot of anything going on except catering to her. And its stressful. I'm stressed over how she feels, and I'm stressed over her behavior. This morning is rough and I feel like jumping out the window!! However, I was happy to see a loss this morning and I am now at exactly 170lbs. HOWEVER, I was very bummed to not see a bigger loss. But really, I guess I'm right on target. I'm down 7.4lbs in 3 weeks, so that's still over 2lbs a week. The even bigger bonus is that I did my measurements today and was THRILLED with what I saw. I lost 1 1/4" in my waist and 1 1/2" from my hips, and 3/4" from each thigh, not to mention the other areas. So that was really nice.

David is leaving town from Tues through Friday, but my Mom is coming into town. There is a whole lot of good and bad mixed in here (as far as my diet goes). The great news is that my mom likes to try new food, the downside is that she LOVES to eat like I do. And I'm unsure of how the calorie burning will happen. My mom has a lot of foot/leg issues like I do...so... I'm hoping to get us out and moving doing stuff like the zoo and the village and stuff so that I can get some walking in and still do the whole gramma thing. Plus she likes to eat out...so I'll have to make interesting food at home so that I can stay on target. :s Sigh. Wish me luck, I'm going to need a lot of it this week!

The upside is that my house is a mess and has to be cleaned before my mom comes tomorrow!! YAY!! So, that should be a nice burn! Plus have I mentioned that the weather is to die for around here lately! I love it!! So, I am anxious to get outside for a walk with the Muffin. BUT, I have a house to clean, I have to take the Muffin in to the doctor and laundry...always laundry!! ARGH!!

The downside is that we slept till 10am and I am 2 hours behind on my calorie burn! Gotta get moving! I want to see 168 by next Monday! I hope everyone has a great day!!

A slow day

2010-10-10T13:21:00.003-04:00

Its a lazy Sunday. These days that's a rarity in this home. Sadly its because my daughter had an awful fever/headache last night and it sort of turned everything up side down and in side out. But the down time is nice. The reason just sucks. The issue is its a lazy lay on the couch sort of day. It's almost 1:30p and I really haven't done anything aside from eating and sitting on the couch. I'm stiff and sore from last nights crazy walk. And just before lunch I almost fell apart. Almost. The dh asked the loaded question..."what's for lunch". Oh, part of me was ready to say PIZZA BUFFET or KFC or TACO BELL!! But I fought against my own will and told him there was food here at the house. We just had to get of the couch and go scrounge for it. In the end we all ate different things. The Muffins fever has made her loose her appetite, so she just sort of picked at some fruit and what not. That left me to make some good food for myself that was fast and low cal. I went for some potstickers and an apple. I bought a bag of apples from a road side stand (around here that's like hitting the lottery!!) yesterday and they are heavenly!! I like apples, but I don't crave or love them! But these, sigh, these taste like little bits of honey and are crisp! They're awesome! Its hard not to just want to sit and eat them all in one sitting. Oh, and the thought of putting peanut butter or Nutella or Carmel....yum!

::: ::: :::

Later that day...

Well, its now 10pm and I have to admit that while I did great on my intake coming in at around 1200 calories...HOWEVER...my burn is ultra low at 1800...

Undoing some damage

2010-10-09T21:35:00.002-04:00

I thought I would come on here and report that I did go ahead and go for a hefty walk. I walked for about an hour and a half and burned just over 500 calories or so. Sadly I got a phone call to come home because my daughter's fever had spiked again, otherwise I might have done a second round and gone for a 1000 calorie burn. But then, maybe that would have been over kill and a wee bit crazy!

Temptation

2010-10-09T20:39:00.000-04:00

So, I'm out walking, trying to recover some calories. I stop to get some water because I'm feeling like my tongue might crack and I'm standing there...debating...water from mountains? Smart water? Snooty water? When suddenly my brain clicks on to that all too familiar color in the upper right hand corner. Sigh. Hello Sunkist, my nemesis...my beloved. I prevailed!

It was bound to happen!

2010-10-09T19:01:00.003-04:00

Yup. It was, and it did. I blew it today. As of right now, if I were to go to bed, I'd have a 200 calorie SURPLUS! Sigh. Luckily I'm not. Luckily I've gotten it into my head to go for a massive walk (though my dh is bucking the idea because our daughter is awake with a fever and he needs my help with eBay).

So what happened?

Well, nothing really. It was more innocent (or perhaps ignorance) and lack of planning than anything. The morning started out normal. But at lunch I decided we should go get bar burgers. I got the smallest one (1/3lb) and skipped the mayo. I had 5 onion rings and maybe 10 french fries. I thought I did a really good job (maybe 600 or 700 cals at the most). And in reality I did...in comparison to what the average person would have eaten in my shoes, or what I would have/could have eaten. However, when I punched in the calories it turns out that my lunch ran me about 1000 calories. WHAT THE!?!! Then, to make things worse, and in my ignorance of my lunch intake, I got a small Slurpee. It was a Slurpee kinda day, ya know? Bright, warm, sunny...I was driving the Muffin around for a nap... It just fit and seemed like a great idea and I though "Heck, I can burn that off in no time flat!"... Yeah, so after lunch I was already at 1300 calories. I had half an apple for a snack later on too because, believe it or not, I was starving!! So going into dinner...I was already at what I have been eating in an entire day for the past three weeks...before I ate dinner. And then dinner came and I was starving, the Muffin had a fever, we had nothing for dinner, we were in a hurry...and I was in the mood for EVERYTHING!! Seriously. I didn't stand a chance. I couldn't think clearly and I just wanted food.

Dinner ran me another 900 or so calories.

Sigh.

Yeah, I did it. I'm trying not to beat my self up. I'm trying to reason that I've been eating very low calories all week (around 1000-1200) and it would do my body some good to shock it with a big intake. Don't ask me where I get these ideas!! Anyhow, part of me is really wanting to just take the day in stride and suck it up. A lesson learned. The other part of me is really wanting to get outside and walk for three hours (that would be a 1,000 calorie burn, if you were curious) and try to mend my errors. I have to be honest in saying I have no idea how this day will end.

But I will say this...

Tomorrow, I will pay!! Suffering is in line for me! :)

I hope everyone else can report better success than I was able to. Lynnette was smart and got her work out in early this morning!

A sneaky post because I feel good!!

2010-10-08T13:22:00.005-04:00

Seems like these days I have to sneak in a post when I can! This is one of those times. I'm sitting down, relaxing my sore feet before I head outside to start washing my windows! I'm hoping to bring in huge calorie burns with that! I spent the morning folding laundry and was surprised to see I burned 240 cals doing that! :) Woot! Love burning cals doing things I have to do anyhow!

I have had another stellar week! The scale this morning showed my water weight was gone and I'm at 170.2lbs. My official weigh in isn't until Monday and because I was 170.8lbs this past Monday I am very much expecting to see 168lbs in one form or another. It had BETTER show up! BUT, even if it doesn't that's ok. I know that I've kept my average burn at 1,000 or more all week so I'll be down another 2lbs of body fat. THAT'S WHAT MATTERS! I just need to keep repeating that to myself.

At some point this evening I have to walk up to the fruit market and pick up some more popcorn kernels. We're going to our local high school's homecoming football game so that the Muffin can watch the band at half time. I'm taking our own popcorn if for no other reason (and there are lots of other reasons, healthier, no chemicals, less fat/salt) it tastes better. And the Muffin holding a popcorn container keeps her occupied and from running all over the stands. My point...Uh...Oh! Yes, so I'm hoping I'll have time to walk up there and get an extra burn boost from that walk! Between that walk and the windows and the laundry, I should have a great burn going for me today!

I'm really feeling good this week. I'm happy that I'm seeing results. People are noticing the loss. The 6 month journey doesn't seem quite so long anymore considering that the last 3 weeks have really flown by for me. I find myself looking forward to ways that I can burn more calories having fun or doing chores that need to get done anyhow. I'm feeling less obsessive about what I'm going to eat and enjoy what I am eating more. I'm realizing that its easy to keep my calorie counts low and still enjoy great tasting meals and not be hungry if I eat with my energy as a consideration, and not my emotions. I feel good when I really crave a pop because I'm stressed out and I reach for iced tea instead. I feel good at the end of the day knowing that I have been consistently reaching my daily goals. I feel good knowing that I'm on my way...finally.

I hope you feel good too!

BTW, I Twitter all day long about what I'm doing to keep motivated and on target. @FattyCakeGirl

Summing up the week

2010-10-08T10:34:00.003-04:00

Hello Blogworld! It's FRIDAY!!!! My favorite day of the week! :)

I've decided to take a little time for myself this morning, and spend a few minutes here. I deserve it, by golly! It has been an interesting week. I was feeling pretty discouraged this past Tuesday and Wednesday. I am so results oriented that when I feel I am "failing" I can really get down right depressed! I have been tracking my exercise on a printed out calender for the past two months now. I write what workouts I did, how many calories my heart rate monitor says I burned, and anything extra I might be proud of that day. And then I put big X's through the days I do nothing workout related. I was proud to see yesterday that I have done serious workouts everyday this week but Monday. Seeing that actually lifted my spirits a bit, and I am trying to have a better attitude about myself.

The truth is, I am in a fantastic place. Even if I don't make great food choices everyday, I am working hard enough that my body is actually fighting harder than ever. I mean, it's not comparable to being a kid at this point, (grin) but it's better than it has been in years! I love gaining muscle. Absolutely love it. The more muscle I gain, the more calories I burn... for free every minute of the day! That is a great feeling. That didn't come easy, that extra muscle has taken 5 months to get to this point! That is the success that I have to focus on when food gets me down. I'm in a new place, I am making progress. The rest is just me being narcissistic. At first that was hard to admit, but now I find freedom in it. Lol! We all feel the need to reach perfection in some area in our lives, so don't roll you're eyes at me! Whether it's in relationships, finances, or even our physical selves. I tend to get that way because, well come on, I work out all the time. And my husband is looking more like a Greek god every day. (grin!) It's hard not to feel the need for perfection living around him! So when I put it like that, and I realize that I am fighting for almost unrealistic goals (or very picky goals that take a lot of work) I tend to relax a bit and feel like I am doing just fine out here in the real world. :)

On to other things, I have a hard time fitting blogging into my everyday life, but sometimes I really want to put out there what my days are like. So I think I am going to start using my workout journal again. I will just post an entry on my workouts and if I did well with food or not. I am sure no one is really interested in that. :) It's just more for me, knowing that I am making a connection with Heather so she can see I'm working, and I'm with her! :) A link to my journal is on the top right of the blog here.

Alright, I'm off to face the day! Today is my favorite workout, back and biceps. I hate pull-ups actually, but I love curling weights and working the biceps. Sounds funny huh. :) I love seeing what I can do more of this week, that I couldn't do last time. It's great motivation! :)

I hope everyone has a great Friday and a successful weekend!

I'm a Rock Star!

2010-10-07T20:06:00.000-04:00

Yeah, I've been feeling pretty good about myself lately! Nothing like setting goals and blasting through them to give you a little pride, not to mention more incentive!
The last few days are tuffies. But, I knew they were going to be and I just accepted it for what it was and powered through. Quite successfully, I might add! I have maintained an average of a thousand calorie deficit from the onset. So, I know, without question, that I am now down a minimum of 5lbs of pure body fat! Not water people! Pure fat!! How awesome is that?
The other day I had to go in a notch on my belt. Then yesterday I got to wear one of my favorite shirts which hasn't fit me in 2 years. That was a stellar feeling. Then today I noticed that I'm tightening my belt beyond my pants. So my waist band is puckering. That's a terrible look, by the way! I'm thinking that I'll be in a size 14 jeans next week, if I'm not already! That's fun, except I love these jeans! So, its weird too.
I haven't really gone for a walk in 3 days now. I've been managing to make my burn with out the walking, either through other activities or a lower intake. I'm trying not to go nuts and burn out, or injure myself. So, I'm trying to take the past 3 days in stride. I know its good sometimes to slow down. I don't need to pull huge burns every day, as long as I'm averaging a thousand or more a week. Moderation, right? Not that there isn't this huge obsessive part of me screaming to go out for a walk this evening, even though I busted my butt cleaning all day and I'm already pulling in a 1200 calorie deficit for the day. I hear that little voice saying how 1700 would be better! 3lm trying to reason with her.
In doing so, I'm off to watch a little much deserved and hard earned TV! I hope everyone is feeling motivated this week! What's motivating you this week? What's holding you back?
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Things I've Learned

2010-10-04T21:13:00.004-04:00

Things I've learned while on this weightloss journey!

Sometimes looking like a dork, but staying warm, is the better option while exercising.
Looking forward to seeing the same bunny in the same spot every time you pass by while walking makes the walk less painful.
People are rude and stupid, while driving, with their lack of attention paid to pedestrians!
After working so hard for several days, the ooey gooey food isn't quite so appealing.
Jillian was right! Every pound I gained can be lost!!
Sometimes the sounds of the HS Marching Band motivate my feet better than my playlist!
I sweat. A LOT.
The clouds in the dark are really cool looking when illuminated by the stadium lights.
You can actually reach a point where you don't feel your limbs.
Finding your happy place, is not only a good idea, but actually happens when your in so much screaming pain while exercising that your brain shuts down!
Sometimes what's at the end of the battle is almost as good as the bounty at the end of the war.
I swerve really bad when I walk.
There comes a point when you actually start to look forward to the ritual, escape and meditation that comes with intense exercise.
Sometimes motivation is found in the weirdest spots.
Its actually possible to be sweating, and numb from the cold, at the same time.
Riding your bike in the dark, sans helmet and lights, is just stupid.
Always pee before you start your work out.
Finding a way to still enjoy your "crutches" in life with out faking or substituting them, really is fulfilling for the soul. (Hello, smashed cauliflower is NOT mashed potatoes, nor does it taste anywhere near the same! Stop saying it does!!)
Twittering when your feeling desperate, proud, down, hungry, bored or any other sabotaging emotion, really can help to keep the cravings in check!
You can burn calories doing pretty much anything you want, even sleeping.
Knowledge is power. Knowing for a fact what I burn and what I eat helps me to make better decisions!
Sometimes you have to rely on just your self, and not the people around you, to keep you going and or get you started.
Blogging about my journey really has helped me to talk it through, and figure this whole blasted process out. I'll probably blog forever!
It isn't easy. No matter what the stupid headlines on the magazines say, or the tag lines on some new super product. Its a ton of effort, a ton of time and a ton of commitment.
Full fat stuff just taste better, and in the end I'd rather have half of the real thing than two of the fake!
Exercise is a good way to get out of doing chores. ;)
I have to plan my meals! I'm no good at wingin' it!
I do a really great job of sticking to my calories when I am tracking every morsel that goes in my mouth!
Obsession is a fine and dangerous line.
Perseverance and hard work pays off...eventually.

Got a list of your own?? I'd love to see it. Share it here, or share a link to your blog!

I survived...like a Queen I might add!

2010-10-04T20:51:00.003-04:00

So I made it through today. The afternoon was super tough! Its hard to believe I ended on such a good note after my last post! In the end I gave in a little to my cravings, and came out on the other side feeling better and with better numbers! Go figure!

I air popped some popcorn in my hand dandy nostalgic popper after my last post. Then I had the bright idea to melt butter and put it in one of my oil sprayers. This worked like a charm and I was able to get a smidgen of butter on each kernel for next to no butter being used in the long run! It was really quite amazing. Not sure how I'll get the butter back out of the bottle now that its hardened again! LOL! I'm not real keen on nuking the plastic. Anyhow, then I took some Kosher salt and stuck it into my spice grinder! Ya'll, it worked!! I actually made that dusty popcorn salt they use at the theatres!! It was awesome! I'm not a big popcorn junky or anything, but I was super craving it today and it really hit the spot. I even ground a little cinnamon and sugar on the last few bites for a very kettle corn like flavor! OMG! Seriously! I was in seventh Heaven. Even the Hubster was tickled over it! Oh, and the Muffin...I had to cut her off, and then she never did eat much dinner! The fun part is that the 2 cups I ate came in under a hundred calories but filled me up enough so that when we went to Chili's for dinner, I only ate half of my Margarita Grilled Chicken, and like 4 chips. I think this might be my new go to snack in the afternoon! I ended the day only eating 1100 calories...that was with guacamole twice in one day, Tamales, a killer fiesta dinner and MOVIE POPCORN!! I'm still jazzed over it!

So I had to work out alone this evening. My Muffin fell asleep on the way home from dinner, so our plans to go on a family ride were put on hold. I did end up going out for a bike ride anyhow! I set my sights on what seemed like a really tough goal, and then I launched out! I made it! I actually got to my target location in about half an hour! I was shocked, exhausted, and thoroughly baffled about how ones exertion level does not equal calories burned!! I averaged about 4.5 cals/min riding (will all out effort here people!!) and walking I'm about 6.5 cals/min! Makes me just want to walk everywhere, but I know that's how you plateau so I am trying to change it up here and there! But it sure is frustrating to feel completely wrung out after an hour bike ride and see that your burn is about 2/3rds what it could have been if you'd have just gone for that walk...a much easier thing to do in the first place! But get this, at the end of the trail I was riding (which was my target) two doe walked across my path about 10-15 yards in front of me! That was killer! Made the trek seem totally worth it! Anyhow, in the end I burned about 500 extra calories between my 70 min ride and then a lap walking around the high school (25 min). This puts me at another 1500 calorie deficit for the day (2 days in a row!!). Oh, and I did all of this wearing ankle weights ALL DAY (even on my bike ride)!! I'm exhausted, but feeling so very proud! And I think the hubster is pretty impressed with me too, and that drives me a little also, I won't lie!

Well I didn't get much done around the house today. But, tomorrow seems pretty low key, so hopefully I'll get the stuff done then! I hope everyone was able to accomplish something great today!

Desperatly looking for Soda!!

2010-10-04T14:20:00.003-04:00

Ok, so the day started out great! And I'm still on target, and I already added a 380 calorie burn from the walk I took this morning...BUT...

Its getting rough.

I'm getting super irritable, moody, crabby...whatever you wanna call it! The Muffin is making my head feel like spinning [think Exorcist]. The constant hammering their doing on my neighbors roof is making me feel violent. I'm tired. Like nap tired. I haven't gotten much done around the house and its 2:30pm already. The friend I was supposed to walk with today realized that she had made plans prior to our arrangement, so... Guess I'll be walking around the school again tonight. Major cravings kicked in after lunch! Which I don't get because my lunch was phenomenal! I made Tamales and Guacamole. :) Yeah, they were very good! But now I'm wanting chocolate candy (think Godiva, or Turtles...oh yeah, Turtles!!), and Soda and cookies big time! Oh and a Brownie Sundae! ARGH!! And I'm having this weird urge to pop some popcorn and douse it in real butter and drizzle it with melted peanut butter and chocolate! WHAT??!! Don't act like that doesn't sound crazy good!! You know it is! And I want some!

Sigh.

Must stay strong.

Must not convince myself that skipping real food for the rest of the day and replacing it with high sugary, fatty, ooey, gooey goodness is not the thing to do...even if I can do it and stay on target with my calories!

Stay strong.

I will prevail!

4lbs!!!

2010-10-04T09:53:00.002-04:00

I am thrilled to announce that the scale had a change of heart and wanted me to scream in delight this morning. Which I did, by the way! :) I was shocked to see 170.8lbs on that blasted scale! Especially when I am retaining water! That was a 4 pound loss for the week! I'm now down 6lbs! How cool is that?! I'm 2lbs (that's a whole week!!) ahead of schedule!! YAY!!! I'm thrilled, and now I am pumped to get out and do some more hard work so that I can see more results like these! I am so jazzed! I can not WAIT to see 167.4lbs. That's my pre-pregnancy weight. A year and 8 month battle over 10 measly pounds! But dog gone it! I want to see it now, and I am determined to blast away the next 3.4lbs to get to that number! MAN!! I'm bursting with pride this morning! It feels great to be accomplishing!!

So today I have a lot planned. I need to get a move on it! I have a clay project I need to work on, I need to walk to the drug store and then to the fruit market for dinner supplies. I need to clean and do laundry and still make it to my friend's by 3pm so that we can go for another walk! WOOT! Today is going to be a calorie blasting day and I am anxious to get started! I made Cream of Wheat for breakfast so that I would have a high carb count to give me the energy I need to get through today! Its hard not to keep ultra low calories and see an even higher level of success, but I know its not healthy and I am trying to remind myself that I need to stay healthy and strong for the long haul! I'm making Tamale's and Guacamole for lunch, and Chicken Mexi Wraps for dinner! I'm also forcing myself to have an afternoon snack of half a pear and 5 almonds. Its a measly snack, I know, but I keep trying to skimp on that so that I can have a higher deficit and today I am forcing a snack...but maybe I'll skip the cheese on my wrap at dinner! ;)

I hope everyone has a successful, pumped up day! Here's to finding my motivation and keeping my determination and seeing results!!

tomorrow's the day!

2010-10-03T18:23:00.000-04:00

Tomorrow is my big weigh-in day! I think the scale is gonna be rude to me, but that's ok...I know its water retention!
We ended up not going to Frankenmuth, which was a drag but also kept my diet in check! In fact, today I've done really well. I have to go for a walk, but am extremely confident I'll hit my burn today and make up for the 100 calories I was off yesterday. I'm fairly certain that I'm still averaging a thousand calorie burn for the week. That makes me so happy! I am thrilled actually! I think this may be a record! Its nice to finally feel like I'm getting somewhere!
Tomorrow is my first exercise date with my friend! Its supposed to also be a gorgeous week, so that just makes it all the more pleasurable! My house is also a disaster, so there's a lot of calories to be burned in that effort, and hopefully before my date! Plus I'd like to get my yard ready for the winter. Lot's to do if I can break away from my husband and his obsession with eBay!
Anyhow, so I'm looking forward to tomorrow. The scale was up today from yesterday, so I'm fully expecting to see that tomorrow too. I may put off my measurements until next week when I'm not retaining all this water! ;). But regardless of what I see in the morning, it can't change the way my shirt feels looser on me today! And in the end, that's what I really want to see!
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Killing it!!

2010-10-01T21:59:00.002-04:00

I am KILLING IT!! Seriously, I am so proud of myself I might just burst!! LOL! Ok, so this has been a hormonal week, ugh! Yesterday I wanted fish and chips so bad I swore I could smell them! So, I had a Wendy's Fish Sandwich (500 ghastly calories!!) and it didn't do a thing for me. I begged my dh to take me for Fish and Chips for dinner. Instead, he talked me down to Baked Lemon Pepper Cod and 1/2 an order of fries. Then I came home and walked for an hour and a half and tried to reel in the out of control feelings I was starting to have. I ended the day with an approximate 850 cal deficit. Not awesome, but certainly still something to feel good about!

Today was a little easier. Whew!! But, I broke down and had pizza for lunch. I had to guestimate my calories (which I loath!!) and in the end, think I was fair. I spent the morning garage saling with my husband. Then in the afternoon I walked with my friend and her kids and the Muffin from her house into town to see the Homecoming parade. After that 2 1/2 hour adventure I had scorched over 700 calories!! WOOT! I ate a very light dinner (trying to offset that lunch) and talked my dh into going up to our little festival where we walked around a bit, and then I so proudly walked my butt home from! In the end I will have over a 1200 cal deficit for the day and have walked over 17,000 steps. That's THOUSAND people!! I don't even hit 10,000 on a regular basis. In fact, when I'm not trying I walk about 4500. Sad. But I had to do a double take at the digits I was seeing today. Anyhow, that makes me feel all jazzed! Oh, and did I mention that I wore 1lb ankle weights on each foot while at the festival and on the walk home?? YUP!! I did. :D

So anyhow, tomorrow there are 2 city wide garage sales going on in my area, so we'll be out doing that for most of the day I am sure. I'm going to try to remember to put my ankle weights back on for that too! Then I have to spend the evening helping my dh work on eBay crap. Blech! But maybe I'll get a solid walk in or something. Sunday I am going to Frankenmuth. I'm not sure how to offset the 6 hours I'll be in the car...or the fried chicken. I'm thinking I MIGHT get up early and get in a good walk or bike ride before leaving...and maybe getting one in when we get home that night. I know I'll be doing some walking while we are there, but I'm not imagining it'll be much, or at least not 17,000 steps! :P But my weigh-in is Monday and I am really hoping to see 172 on the scale. Right now it says 173. Monday and Tuesday of next week will be my hardest days as far as feeling like crap and craving everything in sight, and those not even in sight. I'm going to really try to stay busy or distracted or something. No laying on the couch moping!!

A friend of mine has offered to be a work out buddy. :) This makes me super happy. So on Mondays and Wednesdays we'll take our kids for a good long walk, and then on Thursday evenings we are taking a Zumba class together. ARGH! I'm excited, and anxious and nervous all at the same time. I have no rhythm and when my booty gets shaking...it has a mind of its own! I also plan on signing up for a Burn & Firm class that starts in November. There is also a boot camp class that intrigues me... Ok, it terrifies me really! But I'm thinking of giving it a try perhaps. I need to find ways to stay motivated during the holidays and winter.

Well I hope everyone is having great days full of success! If not, have a piece of chocolate, a margarita and watch a show of the Biggest Looser! That always helps me! LOL!

Still here...

2010-10-01T20:48:00.002-04:00

Hellloooo. I feel like I've been gone forever! (don't you dare count how long it's been!) ;)

I have been under the weather. Annoyingly so. FIRST I had a nasty head cold, as in brought on by fever and chills, all that good stuff. On Monday I thought I whooped that, but Tuesday I woke up with a stomach bug that lasted a little over 24 hours. NOT FUN!!!! So I hadn't worked out for 5 days!!! That's scary for me. I could almost feel my strength melting away. :) But... you have to get better. You have to rest. It's just tough! I didn't do terribly with my calories, but I didn't do great either. I have learned not to be a fanatic about the scale, so I didn't weigh myself today. I will next Friday. I honestly have learned to like where I'm at, and THAT is huge progress for me. I want to see a loss still, of course, but that will come in time... and it didn't happen this week. So why get gloomy over the scale! :)

I did work out yesterday and today. I am also getting back on track with my eating. Yesterday was a stellar day, today was not. But it's Friday, and Friday is "treat dinner" for the DH and I. I did great through lunch! That has to count for something. Well it does actually, it means I am making good choices where it counts, instead of throwing the entire day away because I know that dinner is going to be naughty. That is an improvement for me. :)

Did I mention that I can curl a set of 15's now? (as in, bicep curls = 15 pounds) I am SO proud of that... you have no idea. I used to curl 10's. Then 12's. I absolutely LOVE weight lifting... Love it!!!

Tomorrow we are going on a camping trip with the DH's parents. Yes... camping... with a low of 35 degree's at night. THAT will be interesting. Our girls are sleeping in the bus camper with his parents, they will have heat. We will be in a tent, and will NOT have heat. But you know, I am kind of looking forward to it. It will be an adventure... and an excuse to cuddle up. :) But it will be COLD!!! I am hoping to get up early enough to get a cardio workout in before we leave. But I don't know. I'm the worst morning person and we have to leave rather early. But I feel good getting the past two days in, and I will be ready to get back in the groove Sunday. Next week is generally my really good week, so I am planning on kicking some real booty and making some serious headway!!!

I probably won't post through the weekend, so I hope everyone has a great one!

Day 12, Still plugging away at it!

2010-09-29T13:34:00.003-04:00

I have to start by saying how proud I am of myself. I can not believe that I have been doing so well for 12 days. I have managed to average above a 1000 calorie deficit a day (2lbs of BF a week). I have not had a single sip of soda, or a mocha. All of my calories are coming in on target or below and they are all coming from healthy foods.

But the scale is being rude. It hasn't budged in over a week. That's ok. I'm not letting it get me down. Don't get me wrong, I'd love to see it move (quickly at that) but I know what I'm burning and I know that no matter what the scale says, every 3-4 days I loose a pound of body fat! So take THAT you stupid scale!!

Yesterday was tough. Its the hormonal week. I managed to burn 1200 extra calories. The hubster gets kudos for that. I was just too darn beat. I tried doing Jillian's video again and only made it about 3/4 of the way and didn't put my heart into it. Then I hit the elliptical hard and fast for 7 minutes (burning 40 cals as opposed to the 80 cals the elliptical claims, lying piece a blank!!). It helped, every calorie helps. By the end of the day I was right on target, then my true love talked me into going for a walk...and then even joined me...and I blasted out over 200 more bonus calories! I think he's feeling encouraged by my drive. I've been trying to do things that keep me up and moving. As long as I am standing I'm burning about 2 cals a minute as opposed to one sitting down. So yesterday afternoon we made homemade hamburger buns that we are going to use in tonight's dinner. That was fun, and it kept me moving. But, I've been very wiped out and sluggish these last few days, and trying to stay motivated and on point. The clouds and rain weren't helping that out much either.

Today is brilliantly sunny and supposed to hit 70!! So, as soon as I'm done here the plan is to go out and plant 5 mums and soak up this gorgeous sun. Then I plan on either washing windows (because they are so filthy that they look hazy...and now that the dogs gone I don't have to worry about her gooping them back up!!) or taking the muffin on a bike ride. Or maybe both if I have time. Might have to do the ride after dinner. They are shooting a big time network TV show right down the street from us today and I thought maybe we'd go gawk at them for a bit. I've never seen that done in person and am very curious. Anyhow, the plan, as usual, is to stay moving. I hate exercise and I am so desperate to burn calories with out getting on that elliptical again!

Its tough though. I won't lie. I didn't realize how hard it was to burn a thousand extra calories a day. I'm hoping in the future I'll remember this and remind myself how hard it was...and then hopefully I won't get back to this point again. Its helpful that David has walked with me, I hope he continues to do that. I keeps me going when all I want to do is lay down. He seems really proud of my effort too, and that's been real helpful. I'm trying to focus on each day for what it is...one day. One day at a time. Because frankly when I see that I have 168+ days (and that's if everything goes perfectly, which it won't) left before I reach my goal...well, that just makes me want to lay down and cry. So, focus on today. Behave today. Do a good job today. I'll have to put off worrying about tomorrow until tomorrow. Otherwise its just too darn overwhelming!

Cardio Kickbox

2010-09-27T15:29:00.002-04:00

Well, I decided to add a cardio video (blech!!) to my day at least during the week. I don't know if I can bring myself to jiggle to that magnitude whilst the husbter gawks at me from the sidelines, so for now we're sticking with weekdays when he's not home.

I did Jillian Michael's Cardio Kickbox. Its about 23 minutes long. That sort of surprised me, I thought it would be much longer. I have to say, though it was not easy for me to do, it was simple. There are like 10 moves max. Things like jumping jacks, fast feet, jump rope, front kicks, side kicks, back kicks and then punching. Simple. Its not complicated at all (Billy Blanks could take some pointers from Jillian on that!) which helps. Who wants to be frustrated when they're out of breath and exhausted? Not me.

Anyhow, I did it. I've had a relatively low burn today because I'm tired and the Muffin is trying my patience for the day. I'm going to go shower be for the hubster gets home, and hopefully get in a mini walk too. Or I'll walk later. Anyhow, I burned 200 calories in those 20 minutes. I averaged around 7-9 cals/min. I won't lie, I had to stop a few times, and skip a few jumps. But for the most part I did the whole thing. Maybe not as "deep" or as "high" but done none the less. Maybe tomorrow I'll see if I can do Turbo Jam and see if I can get my burn in the 300's like Lynnette does. That would be nice, but if its 20 minutes that would be an average of about 12 cals/min...which feels impossible! LOL! But, here's to trying to do better!