So much for THAT!!

I swore that if I lost weight I would NEVER, EVER gain back even five pounds of it.


So much for that.


I've gained back 18lbs. That's 9 weeks of hard work. Nine weeks of missing out on time with my family, counting every minuscule calorie and using muscles in my body I didn't know existed. Nine weeks, wasted...again.


I have to be the worlds biggest yo-yo dieter. And really, we all have our excuses, our rationale, reasons why we forgive our splurges and laziness. I'm really good at talking myself into being absurd when it comes to food. My two biggest nemesis are Soda and restaurants. And yes, you can eat healthy and maintain a loss while eating in restaurants, if you try. I don't. I always tell myself it's the last time, but in reality I know full well I'll be right back in that restaurant the next day. Pile on top that I am a stress eater and recently an emotional eater, and most of the time I just feel doomed.


But you can't call me a quitter!


Because I keep coming back for more. I keep starting over. I keep re-losing. And I never really give up hope that someday I will lick this terrible lifestyle and get myself in full gear and finally lose ALL of this weight once and for all.


So here's a quick little back story on where I've been lately...
:::
We finally sold our house. YAY! In the midst of the chaos of showing, packing and all of the other crap that comes along with moving we ate out everyday, sometimes two and three meals. We ate out so much the thought of another restaurant made me sick to my stomach. In the midst of that I got pregnant (a happy surprise), and then found out the baby was Ectopic and had to be removed and well frankly loosing another baby did me in for a while. Since we all know how well I handle grief when there's food with in a mile of me. All of this going on as we moved to our new home. And our new home, though its great and I know that someday I will be thrilled to live here, right now I'm just over stressed, overwhelmed, over tired and over done! So far the best thing has been that moving here also meant that eating out was out of the question both financially and because there really isn't a whole lot around to eat at. And somewhere in between losing this last baby and moving I picked up a raging caffeine addiction and am on my way to becoming a bonifide drunk. Ok, maybe not a drunk, but I have really been enjoying my margarita's this summer. And the heat is a killer! I live in a great area for walking and bike riding (though I can't even SEE my bike its so buried) and even if I could get out from under the whole unpacking-getting-settled-in thing its just too bloody HOT!


Anyhow all that to say that though I am under the gun these days, I loath what I see in the mirror and am so utterly disappointed with what I've done to myself, I am at it once again. In part because watching Food, Inc and The Future of Food on Netflix has freaked me out about eating! Anyone seen these documentaries? Gross! If I could figure out a way to have a farm in the suburbs (on an Island no less) I would really consider it! And I am so put out by what they've done with Canola that I'm about to switch to LARD!! Ok, not really, but I've decided to only ever buy Canola oil from Whole Foods (their 360 brand) since it is made with NON genetically modified canola, and apparently since the US government doesn't require GMO foods to be labeled (WTH?!) its pretty hard to find...or even know it once you've found it! And not that I'm all up in arms about GMO food as much as I am about the lawsuits they're slapping on small time farmers...ok, you'll just have to go watch the movies yourself. Its despicable!!


So I'm off. I don't know that I'll be all crazed about blogging my every step. I mean frankly, I don't even have the time to be on the PC these days. But I'm going to start focusing more effort back into loosing this weight again. I was pleased as punch last Thanksgiving about the progress I made and how good I felt and looked. And now I am right back where I was last July. I am just so very disappointed in myself.