I can't sleep

I can't sleep.  I hate nights like these.  I'm laying there for 40 minutes, wide awake.  The alarm clock light just a little too brite, my husbands soft snoring...not so soft.  My ever churning mind...plodding away.

I got to thinking about that thing I read, and I think posted, about Jillian claiming that if you worked out for an hour, twice a day and ate 1400 cals, you'd loose 3.5lbs a week.  Because, its all about the numbers in and the numbers out.  Which lead to me calculating just how long it would take me to get to 125lbs.  15 weeks.  A matter of less than 4 months.  Sad.  Sad that I could have done it several times over in the amount of time I "seriously" dieted.  It makes me sort of sick actually.  And I wondered, how hard would that be?  I mean really?  I'm pretty good at eating 1400 cals a day, the point being that the 1400 cals are power house nutrient dense foods, and not 100 cal packs or whatever.  But 2 hours of cardio a day??  I just seems impossible.  Which started to piss me off.  I'm tired of not being able to do things.  Not that I WANT to work out like a maniac, but I should be able to should i ever get the urge, and I think that really bothers me.  It bother's me that I can't run around the track, or spend the day cleaning the house with out feeling like I was going to pass out.  So, I'm going to try it.  Not all at once obviously.  I think it'll require some training.  Like one would for a marathon.  But dang it, if I can loose this 50lbs in 4 months by busting my tail...I'm up for the challenge...I think.  Could be the exhaustion talking.

I was also laying there thinking about how I can cope, and manage my weight loss and emotional eating.  So, I decided that I'm gong to set three goals a day.  Maybe I'll change them each day, but every morning I'm going to set three new goals to accomplish in that day.  Short term.  Baby steps.  I don't know what I'll reward myself with, or even if I'll reward myself at all.  That sort of thing never did much in the way of motivation for me.  Unless it was food related, and that's counterproductive.  But I tend to be pretty spoiled, so the reward would have to be something far out.

So the goals I came up with for tomorrow are these:

1) Eat everything whole.  But drink pop.  I know, I know.  Baby steps people!

2) Exercise.  Doesn't matter what or how long, just do something active.

3) Track my food.

Nothing big, but something to work towards.  David put his foot down, again, that he wants us to get back on track.  I figure I'm can't sit around waiting until I "feel" like it, or "want" to do anything about it.  Maybe its a different form of self abuse.  LOL!  But the point is that I want to feel better, and I've only been feeling worse.  So, time for a different approach.  Its all about lifestyle though right?  Learning to live in a healthy state of mind.  Well, I won't get there by rationalizing all of the time. 

Well, I was hoping getting some of that info out of my overloaded mind would help me to feel sleepy...I'm exhausted...just not sleepy.  Nice.  Especially if you consider that for the last 4 days Aubrey has been waking up an hour earlier than her normal time...oh, and did I mention my 21 month old dearest daughter is not wanting to nap anymore either!!!  Momma needs an outlet for the frustration if nothing else.  I just can't seem to get a moment during the day light hours to release the pressure!  LOL!  Sigh.  Alright.  I'm off to try to get that healthy 8 hours...2 hours less than I strive for.  :)