I'm going to be thirty-five! Thirty-five!!! Oh crap! It's that big scary number, at least for us woman. That number means your official old! Sorry. It does. Suddenly you have to start getting a million tests run if you get pregnant, and God forbid, because at thirty-five your risk factors for a million different birth defects goes through the roof! And at thirty-five your body suddenly decides it doesn't want to lose weight anymore. At thirty-five your body freaks out and starts hoarding every molecule of fat that passes between your lips. At thirty-five we are suddenly aware at just how fast time is flying by. At thirty-five we become acutely aware of our age. At thirty-five your skin falls off and your eyeballs melt from their sockets!!
Ok, maybe not.
Where did the time go? I was twenty-five the other day. I swear it. And get this, trying to lose weight! I have been trying to lose weight (successfully and un-successfully, healthy and other wise) since I was about twelve. Twenty-three years of battling the ever growing bulge! Nothing to help you feel like a loser more, eh?
You know what I mean don't ya? You get all gung-ho, determined that "this is it!" and you are off, and maybe you do really good for a few weeks, maybe even months...but then...BAM! For one reason or another you fall off the wagon, maybe you gain it back, maybe you don't, maybe you gain back twice what you lost... In the end it just leaves you feeling like a loser. But not the "biggest" one. Just a plain 'ol loser. Failed. Again. (And again, and again...)
Why is this healthy lifestyle so illusive to so many of us? We all have a million excuses, rationales. And some are good, allowable, if you will. Depression kicks my butt. I have good reason for my depression. I have good reason to want comfort, wherever I can find it. Maybe you have good reason too. But in the end, it just piles on to the already loser like feelings. And the cycle continues.
I wish I was here to say "Its time. This is IT! I'm done, I'm ready, let's get started!" I wish I could offer you guys a modicum of wisdom. I mean, sure, I have the know how. I've lost the weight, I know how to put it right back on too. Weight loss is a math calculation. Burn more calories than you consume. Period. Don't eat less than 1200 calories. Eat mostly whole foods, organic if you can, mostly veggies and fruit. Get off your butt. Lift some weights. I mean, its not rocket science people!
So what's the problem?
Well, most people who struggle with weight loss for long periods of time can tell you it isn't always just about the calories. There's something to the mental game. That's where I choke up. Frankly, I'm lazy. I'm tired, so I sit down. I'm hungry, so I eat whatever is the easiest, fastest (most of the time that's processed crap). I don't really buy junk food though. But I can turn anything into junk food about as fast as a wink! Or I'll just get in the car. Now, if I didn't have a car... I'd have to grow my own food! LOL! Which I do, btw. Some. I have lots of berry bushes and veggie patches. But oddly enough, I save them for my four year old. Because somewhere deep down inside, I KNOW. I know that she needs the good stuff. I'd never allow her to subsist on high fat, high sugar foods the way I allow myself to. I'll have a Slim-fast while I am making her a boiled egg with organic fruit and veggies, whole grain toast and PB. But they learn by example don't they? And believe me, she's noticed the Slim-Fast.
They key to my success is getting over my propensity for laziness. Just do it! Right? Well, we'll see. Today I say YES! Because I do not want to see 35 roll around while I am still an out of shape, unhealthy blob! I've dedicated this round of weight loss to see 27lbs gone by my thirty-fifth birthday in April. That's 2.1lbs a week. A tough, but doable goal. And though I may not be blogging much anymore (because really, how inspirational is a blog full of failures, and whining?) know that no matter what comes my way (another dead baby #2 due date this week, and the anniversary of my first still born next week) I never give up. I give in for a while, but I refuse to accept that I am supposed to be fat my entire life, even if I am sad. And really, in the end, that's the thing that counts, not giving up.
Here's to not giving up...again, and again, and again!